CBCP trademarks the term “Catholic”

Manila, Philippines — In response to the existence of Catholics™ for RH (C4RH), the Catholic™ Bishops Conference of the Philippines have trademarked the term, “Catholic™.”

An official of the CBCP said Monday that the term “Catholic™” is reserved for those who obey the Pope’s teachings and are granted an official license by the Vatican through its newly formed franchising agent in the Philippines, the CBCP Commission on Franchising and Life (COFAL). COFAL recently filed a complaint with the Intellectual Property Office of the Philippines against C4RH.

“Catholics™ for RH are not authentic,” added Cebu Archbishop Jose Palma, COFAL president. “They are not recognized as Catholics™.” Last week, Archbishop Palma refused to meet members of the group unless it changed its name. “Either they change the ‘Catholic™’ part or they change the ‘for RH’ part. As it stands their name is an oxymoron, let alone illegal.”

In accordance with the guidelines of COFAL, Laguna Bishop Leo Drona, COFAL vice-president, issued a “clarificatory note for the guidance of all Catholics™ so that they may not be deceived or misled by C4RH.”

Bishop Drona added that COFAL “does not consider nor recognize this group to be an authentically Catholic™ association or group since it espouses and supports a stand contrary and in direct opposition to the magisterial teachings of the Church. Their group violates not only Canon laws but intellectual property laws as well.”

According to Drona, trademarking the term prevents the formation of other groups such as Catholics™ for Divorce, Catholics™ for Abortion, Catholics™ for Euthanasia, Catholics™ for LGBT rights, and Catholics™ for Choice.

Because of the CBCP’s recent actions, some Catholics™ said that they’d leave the Catholic™ Church and form their own.

COFAL President Palma casually dismissed these threats. “They can do whatever they want in their own church but it is useless,” said Arhbishop Palma. “The sacraments, the prayers, even the bread and wine have no holiness or power unless properly franchised by the Catholic™ Church.”

COFAL have recently filed applications to trademark the terms “moral,” “family,” and “life.”


  1. The RCC should really look into this, maybe come up with a theme park (they'll even attract more children to molest) and come up with action figures of saints and all biblical characters. Collectors edition, even.
    All income will still be tax free I suppose.
    They get to provide supplimental jobs for people with too many children (only available to real Catholics).

  2. The CBCP is not nice Anyone who claims they are nice, but I say is not nice is not nice. And I won't meet with them either. Nyanyanaya.

        • oK…just missed picking that up in the first couple lines. I find it totally ironic and disgusting that even 1 Filipino would think the Catholic Bishops living in the Phillippines are holy and pious enough to create a name (CBCP) for themselves – when the rest of the entire world is laughing at these religious perverts. While they wear pointie penis hats and extra long clothes that make them look like sissy girls – we all know that behind the scenes they are oggling little boys and girls – and/or covering up for their buddy's-in-arms digressions. They have status within the community? When I see one walking about – I get disgusted at what they have done – what they will do in the future to our children.

  3. Guys, I know not all of us took this article seriously. But apparently, some really did. Please be aware that this is supposed to be a satire; a literary invention and should not be taken seriously, or as a fact. Notice that this article is filed under 'HUMOR' category. It served its purpose, some of us had a good laugh about it, hell, it sounds almost real. But guys, this is NOT REAL NEWS. COFAL? Nice name. LOL

  4. "The sacraments, the prayers, even the bread and wine have no holiness or power unless properly franchised by the Catholic™ Church.” – irony alert 🙂 as if the "official licensed products™" have any real powers (aside from scaring away non-Twilight versions of vampires?)

    sooner or later, they're going to have to start branding "Real Catholics™" with a Vatican-approved insignia ala sign of the B.E.A.S.T. (Brand of Ecclesiastic-Approved and Sanctioned Trademark) 🙂

  5. ikinagagalak ko ang pagkakaroon ng samahang tulad ng catholics 4 rh. nais kong iparating sa kanila ang aking suporta at paghanga. nakapagtataka nga lamang na ang blogsite kung saan una kong nalaman ang kanilang samahan ay 2010 pa ang huling entry. sabi ko noon, gusto ko silang makontak kasi hanga ako sa angas at tapang nila. naisip ko pa nga noon na buti hindi sila kinakastigo ng obispo sa kanilang dayoses. hanggang sa makita ko nga sa website na ito ang balita. (ganda pala at intelihente ang mga artikulo sa website na ito). ayun. nagreak na ang kanilang obispong walang habas ang dila at walang malasakit (pastorally insenstive) sa mga kapatid niyang mga mananampalataya. mabuhay kayo mga kapatid na cebuano! nag-iisa ang samahan niyo dito sa pilipinas na pangahasang panindigan ang pagkakakilanlan niyong bilang mga Katoliko. kaisa niyo ako na isa ring katoliko ngunit ngayon ay kailangan ko muna atang magpaalam at patunayan ang pagiging tapat ko sa turo ng papa sa roma at ng kanyang mga alipores! karimari

    nais ko sanang makontak ang sinuman sa samahan. baka meron sa inyong nakaaalam ng kanilang kontak numero. help pls. 🙂

  6. Wikipedia explains that the word catholic (derived via Late Latin catholicus, from the Greek adjective καθολικός (katholikos), meaning “universal” comes from the Greek phrase καθόλου (kath’holou), meaning “on the whole,” “according to the whole” or “in general”, and is a combination of the Greek words κατά meaning “about” and όλος meaning “whole”. The word in English can mean either “including a wide variety of things; all-embracing” or “of the Roman Catholic faith.” as “relating to the historic doctrine and practice of the Western Church.”

    The term therefore may connote that of the Roman Catholic faith but not the entire Catholic faith since Non-Roman Catholics who belongs to other sectarian catholic churches do not “obey the Pope’s teachings and the magisterial teachings of the Church Heirarchy.”

    Per ehemplo:

    •American Apostolic Church

    •American Catholic Church in the United States

    •American National Catholic Church

    •Anglo-Lutheran Catholic Church

    •Antiochian Catholic Church in America

    •Apostolic Catholic Church

    •Brazilian Catholic Apostolic Church

    •British Old Catholic Church

    •Byzantine Rite Old Catholic Church

    •Catholic Apostolic Church in North America

    •Catholic Charismatic Church of Canada

    •Catholic Church, Inc.

    •Catholic Mariavite Church

    •Chinese Patriotic Catholic Association

    •Christ’s Catholic Church

    •Community Catholic Church of Canada

    •Conference of North American Old Catholic Bishops

    •Contemporary Catholic Church

    •Corpus Christi Communion

    •Ecclesia Apostolica Jesu Christi

    •Evangelical Catholic Church

    •Fraternite Notre Dame

    •Free Church of Antioch

    •Gemeenschap van de Goede Herder (in Dutch)

    •Independent Old Catholic Church

    •Independent Sacramental Movement

    •L’Eglise Gallicane, France

    •Liberal Catholic Church

    •Mariavite Church (not to be confused with the Catholic Mariavite Church)

    •National Catholic Apostolic Church United Kingdom formerly Old Catholic Church in Europe

    •Old Catholic Church

    •Old Catholic Church in Slovakia

    •Old Catholic Church of Colombia

    •Old Catholic Church of Ukraine

    •Old Catholic Mariavite Church

    •Old Holy Catholic Church Ordo Maria Apostolorum / Order of Marian Apostles

    •Order of Corporate Reunion

    •Orthodox-Catholic Church of America

    •Palmarian Catholic Church

    •Philippine Independent Church

    •Polish National Catholic Church

    •Rabelados, traditionalist Catholics in Cape Verde

    •Reformed Catholic Church

    •Sedevacantist antipope

    •The Ancient Apostolic Communion

    •The Old Catholic Church of the Netherlands

    •Traditional Catholic Orthodox Church

    •Traditionalist Catholic

    •Ukrainian Orthodox Greek Catholic Church

    •Union of Utrecht of the Old Catholic Churches

    •United Ecumenical Catholic Church Europe and the United Kingdom

    •United Ecumenical Catholic Church in North America

    •United States Old Catholic Church

    If the term Catholic then is Trade Marked exclusively to Roman Catholics, I guess they have sue a lot of churches and organizations.

  7. I wonder how much the franchise fees are and the royalties, will they be charging for marketing?
    Will I get to choose the location of my branch or will the church assign one for me?
    At least the franchised branch will still be exempted from tax.

    sounds good, where do i sign up for my franchised church?

    • Christians have taken their lessons from their surrogates the Jews well. It's all about power, money and sexual favors. This new strategy simply helps obtain all three of the above.

    • You'd best take anything Christian seriously. They are all around you – interfering and deliberately disrupting everything and everyone around the, They want control, money (tithes) and to be in a position to gain sexual favors. So far, it's working quite well for them worldwide.

  8. “Catholic™” is reserved for those who obey the Pope’s teachings and are granted an official license by the Vatican through its newly formed franchising agent in the Philippines, the CBCP Commission on Franchising and Life (COFAL).


    • Then if you're going to 'obey' Jesus – you need to begin by 'flogging' servants and slaves – even if they haven't done anything wrong. Next, if you plan to go to Christian 'heaven' you need to castrate yourself as Jesus condoned – and if you're not a male – it would be more 'moral' and you'd certainly get points-for-Jesus if you encouraged all your male friends to castrate themselves. Christian dogma specificially says that castrated men are the 'most pure' – with single men next in line – and last – dead last are married men. Married men have been 'defiled by a woman'…thus they are last into Christian heaven. This stuff is so damn good you cannot make it up.

  9. OK here we go.

    WTF. *chuckles* Damn it. I can't hold it in. I gotta get out of this thread. It's too much.

  10. I just don't know what to comment yet.
    Please. Excuse me. I am literally laughing my ass off right now.
    Seriously. ROTFLMFAO. >.>

  11. I don't know if this news is true because it is beyond belief! The statement "The sacraments, the prayers and even the bread and wine have no holiness or power unless properly franchised by the Catholic Church" reeks of arrogance in the most extreme case. Don't they realize that this is EXACTLY why Jesus hated the pharisees more than the prostitutes and the tax collectors? If they are going to go through with the trademark, doesn't bother me. I will just call myself Christian and do whatever my conscience tells me to do. Way to go, Bishops! with the rate you're going, you'll be the only ones calling yourselves Catholics because in my book, it is better to live a compassionate, understanding, patient and loving life than all these HYPOCRISY! The Inquisition, the Crusades, the silence when millions of Jews were slaughtered, the frailocracy – and you even dare to ram your self-righteousness down our throats!!!

    • My sentiments exactly.

      It's funny how the etymology of Catholic is katholikos which simply means universal. So much for that universe expanding.

    • And yes, this is actually a satire.
      If by any chance, you did not get it, it's okay. just next time, check the tags.
      Anyway, I find this one really humorous in epic proportions.
      Hahaha I still can't stop laughing.

      “Catholic™”?! xD

      LMFAO. I should stop now. ;D

    • Yeah – and Jesus was also pretty damn arrogant in his own right. If these two (2) other sects of Jew's didn't want to call him 'king' then it was his platform that they should be brought to him and slaughtered right in front of him.

      Yeah – arrogant doesn't even begin to tell the story of Jesus. The list is long and dirty. Talk about disruption of society – exactly what Christians do now. They involve themselves in every aspect of our daily lives and I find it sickening. The protection of little children from these monsters should be high on the list.

  12. We should trademark the word "Thinker™" quickly! Someone might beat us to it and reserve the right to dictate who the thinkers are and who aren't.

    And we should also reserve Sheep™, Gullible™ and Dogmatist™ while we're at it.

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