Manila School Sides with STC, Sues 94% of Student Population’s Parents

4 May 2012, Quezon City – In solidarity with St. Theresa’s College’s (STC) move to sue the parents of the notorious “Bikini Four,” St. Ursula College of Kalookan-Annex (SUCKA) has filed over 1,000 cases against parents of its student population for also violating Republic Act No. 7610 a.k.a. the Anti-Child Abuse Law.

“After learning of this disgusting bikini incident, our school decided to perform background checks on its student population,” says SUCKA Executive Directress Sr. Cielo Baluyot. “Unfortunately, we found that 94% of our students are, as any good Catholic would describe them, ‘delinquent little bastards.’ Some of the girls talk favorably of some communist named Aung San Suu Kyi; some of the boys share and swap pornographic magazines like Newsweek and National Geographic; both sexes use this godless contraption called the ‘Internet!’ The ‘Internet?’ Why has parenting lost its integrity? When I was a child, my parents caned me because they loved me! Where have all the paddles gone?”

The remaining 6% of SUCKA’s parent population, namely Soccoro and Perfecto Ramirez, have also taken matters into their own hands, prohibiting their daughter Purisima from education altogether.

The many parents sued by the school could not be reached for comment, as they were too busy being normal human beings.




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  1. This is sooo funny! =) The best bit is, it is usually the skeptical freethinkers who would identify immediately that this is a piece of satire (and a good one at that). We'll know the gulliballoos when they come.

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