A Scene from the Upcoming Blockbuster “The Pajero 7: Come Take a Ride Wit Me”

Bishop X steps out from inside the CBCP Headquarters and into the sunlit garage. As he slips his shades on, the cellphone in his cassock rings. He takes the call.


(on the phone)

Yo yo yo, Mama Sita, what’s the haps?

There’s a revving of an engine from the back of the garage. After a few moments, a shiny black Pajero with heavily tinted windows pulls up before Bishop X. The driver, a gaunt man in a grey barong, steps out of the vehicle, runs to Bishop X, and opens the middle seat door for him. 


(on the phone)

Those heathen biatches will know what’s comin’ to ’em, ayt? That shit won’t stand s’long as mah crew works it, yo.

Bishop X enters the Pajero. The driver closes the middle seat door for him and runs back to the driver’s seat. The Pajero pulls out of the CBCP headquarters. 


The Pajero rolls out of Intramuros and into Roxas Boulevard. Bishop X is still on the phone. 


(on the phone)

I hear ya, Mama Sita. That there shit they throwin’ at you’s whack. You just be makin’ a call to your homeboy Garci is all and suddenly they all on you like a ho on Q. Ave? Yea, that shit be whack, yo. What’s a Prez gotta do to get some privacy ’round here, right? Whut whut.

The Pajero gets stuck in traffic along Manila Bay. A blind old man in rags being guided by a sprightly street urchin appears by the middle seat window. The urchin taps on the glass. Without looking out the window, Bishop X nonchalantly taps back on the glass to shoo them away. 



Don’t be stressin’, ayt? You and mah peeps be tight. You ain’t got nothing to worry about — we be preachin’ for ya. Oh, and yo, much obliged with the wheels, yo. It’s a dope ride, no doubt. And the LCDs? That be some fly add-ons, Mama Sita. Much obliged. The Man Upstairs be smilin’ on ya. Ayt, ayt. Catch ya lates. Word, word. Peace out.

Bishop X ends the call. The Pajero is still stuck in traffic. He roots around in his cassock, pulls out an iPod and scans his playlists. He chooses the playlist entitled ‘BeAttitudez’ and scrolls through it. The playlist is as follows: 

Stole – Kelly Rowland

Unfaithful – Rihanna

It’s Not Right but It’s Okay – Whitney Houston

Creep – TLC

Confessions Pt. 2 – Usher

It Wasn’t Me – Shaggy

Judas – Lady Gaga

Oops I Did It Again – Britney Spears

Traffic finally loosens up, and the Pajero starts moving down Roxas Boulevard again. Bishop X puts on his earphones, selects the Whitney Houston track, and leans back against his seat. 

DISCLAIMER: The opinions in this post do not necessarily represent the position of the Filipino Freethinkers.