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Ooga booga.

Below is a short story I wrote a few years ago. Let’s just call it ‘light reading.’


by Marguerite Alcazaren de Leon

Yaya wanted to be a model but Yaya did not tell Mama and Papa and me. Yaya wanted to be a model because Yaya had a picture-taking in our garden. Mama and Papa were in the office and Yaya thought I was napping already but I was hiding in the playhouse and the picture-taking was so exciting. The other yayas from the other houses were there also and helped her put on lots of makeup and curled her hair and Yaya wore a dress and the dress was very short and had lots of flowers on it and Yaya looked like part of the garden. Yaya looked so different. The face of Yaya was so yellow like the Goldenrod in my Crayola box and my Crayola box has 120 colors and my ex-best friend Alyanna is so inggit because she has 64 only. The lips of Yaya were Red-Violet, the cheeks of Yaya were Magenta and the eyelids of Yaya were Turquoise Blue. And I saw the skin of the arms of Yaya for the first time. And the chest skin of Yaya and the leg skin of Yaya. Yaya wore Tickle Me Pink high heels and she was so sexy. And the other yayas told her to smile with teeth and turn her head and they took a flower from our garden and Yaya put it near her face. The other yayas took lots and lots of pictures of Yaya. All of them looked so excited and they giggled a lot and they talked a lot but I did not understand what they said because I am not from Bohol.

Yaya made me say Guapaha nako uy! all the time. Yaya said it means I am pretty. Yaya made me say it one time when the other yayas from the other houses visited also and I said it and the other yayas laughed. Yaya said the other yayas laughed because I can say it and the other yayas cannot say it. I asked Yaya if she can say it and Yaya said no because she does not have a boyfriend. I said I did not have a boyfriend and Yaya said that is okay because I will have a boyfriend when I grow up because I am pretty and I am rich.

Yaya used Chin Chun Su all the time so she can have a boyfriend. Chin Chun Su looks funny and it smells funny and I do not like Chin Chun Su but maybe boys like it. Chin Chun Su is in a Carnation Pink oval and the oval has Chinese letters but Yaya does not know Chinese and I do not know Chinese so me and Yaya do not know what the Chinese letters mean and that makes me scared. Chin Chun Su is colored Dandelion. A dandelion is a light yellow flower but Chin Chun Su does not smell like a flower because Chin Chun Su smells sweet and sour and salty and it makes me so dizzy. Alyanna said that Yaya is a witch and Chin Chun Su is a magic paste and the magic paste is made of the faces of little girls. Yaya looked so funny when she put Chin Chun Su on her face. Yaya looked like her face was melting and maybe Chin Chun Su melts your face and it takes away the ugly parts. But Yaya always looked the same. Maybe boys can see that Yaya is more pretty and girls cannot see and that is a magic but not a black magic. Yaya is not a witch and Alyanna is so bobo and I miss Yaya so much.

Yaya said many people were so mean to her. I do not know why Yaya said that because Mama and Papa and me were so nice to her. Mama and Papa gave Yaya lots of pretty dresses and Yaya had a Navy Blue dress and a Cadet Blue dress and a Midnight Blue dress and all the dresses had a White apron and Yaya looked like Alice in Wonderland. And Mama and Papa always let Yaya go with us to the mall and eat with us at restaurants in her pretty dresses. (Yaya always ate little only but maybe Yaya was dieting so she can be sexy so she can have a boyfriend.) I told Mama I wanted dresses like the dresses of Yaya also but Mama said that kind is for Yaya only. So Mama got me a Thistle dress and a Mulberry dress and a Lavender dress and the dresses did not have aprons so I can look like Sleeping Beauty but Mama said they are for parties only. Yaya was so lucky.

Yaya had her own room also and it is a special room because it is downstairs and the window is so small. I want a room downstairs and that has a small window also because my room is upstairs and it has a big, big window and there is a big, big tree near the window and that makes me scared because a mumu can climb up the tree and go inside my room and eat me. A mumu cannot go inside the room of Yaya because there is no tree and the window is very small and if the mumu is very small it is more easy to escape because the room of Yaya is downstairs. And there is an iron in the room of Yaya and you can throw it at the mumu and hurt the mumu and you can run away. Yaya was more safe.

Every day Yaya took me to school and waited outside. Yaya said she went to school in Bohol and she wanted to go back to school again. I do not know why Yaya wanted to go back to school again because Yaya is so old already. There are chairs outside for the yayas and Yaya talked to the yayas but not the yaya of Alyanna because Yaya said the yaya of Alyanna is a bruha. Yaya said the yaya of Alyanna and Mang Danny who is our driver are boyfriend-girlfriend but Mang Danny is married also and Yaya said that is very bad. Yaya read books also when she waited for me and the books were small and they had pictures of boys and flowers on the covers and the boys wore pants only and Yaya said the boys were so guwapo. Alyanna said the books of Yaya are bad but I did not make sumbong to Mama and Papa about the books of Yaya because Alyanna was lying only because she was angry because I said Mang Danny and her yaya are boyfriend-girlfriend. Alyanna is bobo and a liar and Yaya said liars make Papa Jesus cry.

Me and Yaya watched TV in my room everyday when school was finished already. Me and Yaya watched Eat Bulaga! and Valiente and Mara Clara. Eat Bulaga! made Yaya laugh but Valiente made Yaya cry and Mara Clara made Yaya cry also. Valiente made Yaya cry because the house there is small and it is made of wood and it looked like the house of Yaya in Bohol and Mara Clara made Yaya cry because Mara was so kawawa because Clara was so mean to her. Yaya stopped crying only when Papa Jesus told us to pray on TV. I wanted to cry when Papa Jesus was on TV because Papa Jesus was so scary because his voice was so low like the voice of a mumu and his heart was outside his body and his heart was on fire. Papa Jesus on TV said Lord, have mercy and Yaya said mercy is for people that are kawawa so I said Lord have mercy for Alyanna but I did not look at the TV because Papa Jesus was looking back.

I said Lord have mercy also when Yaya had the accident. Me and Yaya were playing Chinese garter in the garage with Mang Danny and Manang Etang who is our labandera. It was the turn of Yaya and Mang Danny and Manag Etang were holding the Chinese garter and I wanted to wiwi. I wanted to wiwi but it was the turn of Yaya and I said Yaya I want to wiwi but Yaya said later. But I wanted to wiwi already and it was so painful and I could not wait and Yaya was taking so long because the Chinese garter was so high already and Yaya was thinking how to jump. So I made wiwi on the floor of the garage and the floor of the garage was so wet and the color of my wiwi was Unmellow Yellow. Yaya did not see me wiwi and she jumped so high and she went to the other side and she stepped on my wiwi and she slipped and she fell. The face of Yaya was on the floor of the garage and the wiwi was on her clothes and it was so yucky. Manang Etang shouted and shouted and Mang Danny ran to Yaya and helped Yaya stand up and I saw the face of Yaya and I screamed because the chin of Yaya was so yucky. The chin of Yaya was Ultra Red and Hot Magenta and Razzle Dazzle Rose and it looked so wet and so sticky and so painful and I cried because Yaya was so kawawa. Mang Danny took Yaya to the bathroom and he put tissue on the chin of Yaya and he hugged Yaya and Yaya hugged Mang Danny also.

After the accident Yaya was so weird. The chin of Yaya had a big Band-Aid and Yaya looked so funny but Yaya did not look sad. Yaya was smiling always and Yaya was singing always and Yaya stopped doing lots of things. Yaya stopped reading the books with the pictures of the boys and flowers on the covers and Yaya stopped saying bad things about the yaya of Alyanna and Yaya stopped watching TV in my room when school was finished already. After the accident Yaya put me in my bed and told me to sleep and closed the door always when school was finished already. Mama said Yaya should guard me always but I did not make sumbong because Yaya looked more happy always when she came back to give me merienda and I want Yaya to be happy always.

One day in school Alyanna said she did not want to be my best friend anymore. Alyanna said her yaya said my Yaya and Mang Danny are boyfriend-girlfriend and I got mad and I said Alyanna you are gaya-gaya and you are a liar and the devil will kidnap you and you will go to hell. I said also Alyanna if you do not want to be my best friend anymore you cannot borrow my Crayola anymore and you will be so kawawa and you will be so lonely. Alyanna said so what and she said she was not a liar and I was a liar and I was like my Yaya because I was a very bad girl and she wished that a mumu will eat me and Yaya when we go to sleep later. I said Alyanna I hate you you are stupid you are not my best friend anymore and I can say Guapaha nako uy! and you cannot say Guapaha nako uy! and you are so stupid and I hate you forever and ever and ever and ever. Alyanna said stop saying weird words because that is a black magic and you are a witch and I do not want to talk to you anymore. And then Alyanna walked away.

That night I was so scared and I did not want to sleep in my room because maybe the wish of Alyanna would come true and a mumu would eat me. I was scared also that the mumu would eat Yaya also. Alyanna was bobo and gaya-gaya and a liar but wishes can come true. I looked outside the big, big window of my room and the big, big tree outside my window looked so scary and I did not know if a mumu was hiding in the leaves of the big, big tree because the moon and the stars were missing and it was so dark and I was so scared. So I ran downstairs to the room of Yaya and knocked on the door of the room of Yaya and shouted Yaya Yaya let me in but Yaya did not answer for a long time and I knocked again and I shouted again but Yaya still did not answer and I was so scared. I thought maybe Yaya did not answer because maybe a mumu was inside the room of Yaya already and it was eating Yaya already and I had to save Yaya so I tried to open the door of Yaya and it was not locked and I ran inside and I screamed.

A mumu was on the bed of Yaya and Yaya was bomba and the mumu was on top of Yaya and he was going to eat Yaya! The mumu was growling and pushing Yaya again and again and again and the bed of Yaya was shaking so hard and the eyes of Yaya were so big and the mouth of Yaya was open and Yaya was trying to breathe. I did not know what to do. I wanted to save Yaya but the mumu looked so strong and its back was the color Sepia and it was so hairy and sweaty and it was growling and I was so scared and I closed my eyes and I screamed again. I screamed and I screamed and I screamed and I screamed and I ran out of the room of Yaya and went upstairs to the room of Mama and Papa and shouted MAMA PAPA HELP A MUMU IS EATING YAYA AND WE HAVE TO SAVE YAYA QUICK!

Yaya disappeared after that. Mama and Papa told me to stay in their room and when I woke up Yaya was gone. I asked Mama and Papa where is Yaya where did Yaya go and Mama and Papa said Yaya went away but I know that Yaya is gone forever and ever because the mumu ate Yaya already and Mama and Papa said that only because they did not want me to cry but I cried and I cried and I cried. Mang Danny disappeared also maybe because he did not want to work for us anymore because the mumu might return and go in the garage where Mang Danny sleeps and eat Mang Danny also. I wish Alyanna did not make that wish and I hate her so much.

The mumu ate Yaya last week and I have a new Yaya and a new best friend now. My new Yaya is okay. My new Yaya is from Masbate and she likes to watch TV with me also but Valiente and Mara Clara do not make her cry and she likes to play Chinese garter also but she cannot jump very high because she is very short and she does not use Chin Chun Su and she prays the rosary and she says that the rosary will make the mumu go away so I tell her to pray the rosary all the time. My new best friend is okay also and her name is Clarissa. Clarissa is Grade Three already and I am Kinder Two only but I am her best friend because before Clarissa did not have friends because she is in a wheelchair and her leg is missing and she is so kawawa. I like her very much because she is so very nice to me and she does not say bad things to me and she says to me please let’s be best friends forever and ever and ever please always. Clarissa has Crayola that is 120 colors also but that is okay because I have five Polly Pockets and she has two only and her yaya is the sister of my new Yaya and she goes to my house and plays with me all the time and I told her Alyanna is bobo and gaya-gaya and a liar and she is now mad at Alyanna also and we laugh at her always.

I do not want to think about Yaya because I do not want to be sad. But there is a letter for Yaya from the mailman today and me and Clarissa opened the letter and Clarissa read the letter for me because Yaya is dead now. Clarissa said the letter is from a man and his name is Greg and he is from America and there is a picture of Greg in the letter and he is so tall and he has Maize hair and he is so guwapo. Greg says that Yaya is so beautiful and sexy and that Yaya looks like a model and that she looks like the flower that she is holding in the picture also. Greg says also that he read the profile of Yaya and the profile of Yaya made him so sad and he wants to marry Yaya and wants her to live with him in a place called Arizona and they will have so many babies and he will take care of her and he will make her so happy forever and ever and ever and ever. Clarissa and me do not know what a profile is but maybe a profile is the letter that Yaya wrote to Greg because Greg wrote a letter to Yaya also. Greg says also that he hopes that Yaya will say yes I will marry you and he hopes that she will say it soon and he says he will send her the airplane ticket when she says yes. And then Greg says love, Greg and Greg says XOXOXO and then the letter is finished already.

The letter makes me so sad because the letter could make Yaya so happy but Yaya is dead already and she cannot read the letter. One day I will get a letter from a man from America also and he will ask me to marry him and he will make me so happy also and Alyanna will be so inggit and I know that Yaya will smile at me from heaven when I get the letter. I will get the letter because I am pretty and I am rich and I am looking at the big, big clouds like big, White marshmallows in the big, Blue sky now so Yaya can see me smile. ●

DISCLAIMER: The opinions in this post do not necessarily represent the position of the Filipino Freethinkers.