In the research writing classes I teach in Asia Pacific College, I usually allow students to select whatever topic they are interested in. It’s quite amusing to find out what kids today are interested in. But the most rewarding moment for me is when a student experiences an epiphany, a realization or an understanding a student arrives at on his own.
I had a student who wanted to write about unicorns. She wanted to write about unicorns because she had a unicorn lampshade, a unicorn blanket, and unicorn stuffed toys. There was something about unicorns that truly fascinated her. By the end of the term, after 2 months of research, she no longer liked the unicorn as much.
The unicorn is one of the most beloved mythological creatures. As it’s often portrayed in the cartoon “My Little Pony,” if there was a hierarchy of beloved horse-like creatures, the unicorn would be at the top. However, the unicorn myth, my student learns the hard way, is a myth that reinforces the notion that virgins are better than non-virgins. It’s also one of the myths that reinforce the double-standard between male and female promiscuity.
The unicorn is a creature is linked to ideas of purity & innocence. According to one legend, only a female virgin with a pure heart can ever see a unicorn. Another version of the legend, says that only a female virgin can “tame” a unicorn, and if a non-virgin attempts to tame one, the unicorn will disembowel her with his mythical horn.
Immediately, both versions of the legend sets a faulty premise:
The unicorn myth implies that virgins are entitled to something non-virgins are not; that virgins are better than non-virgins. But there is a double-standard: If you are a man, your virginity is irrelevant, because a man, virgin or non-virgin, would neither see a unicorn nor tame one.
Women are punished for sexuality, men are not. Attitudes such as those portrayed in old myths tend to demonize female sexuality as something “impure” or something worthy of death-by-horn. These attitudes persist even today.
While some would argue that a lot has changed regarding our perception of purity, most feminist would disagree. The fact is that a lot of men have a biased preference for a female virgin, a lot of people still hold the idea that the value of a female somehow correlates with her sexual purity, and a lot of boys and girls are indoctrinated into this belief.
Jezebel’s Lindy West discusses this matter in her article, “Female Purity is Bullshit.” West refers to a speech by kidnapping and rape survivor Elizabeth Smart, where Smart explains why she didn’t run from those who have taken her or even screamed for help, even when she was taken in public.
Smart explains that she had a religious upbringing where sex was compared to chewing gum. She says, “I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.’ And that’s how easy it is to feel like you know longer have worth, you know longer have value.”
Lindy West adds that, “The myth of female purity—the idea that ‘good girls have become as extinct as unicorns’—could very easily have contributed to years more sexual slavery for Elizabeth Smart. Or her death.”
In her book, “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women,” Jessica Valenti confronts the either/or, virgin/slut, purity binary society places upon women. She argues that society has a habit of equating sexual purity with morality.
She says that this emphasis on the hymen has dangerous implications, “For women especially, virginity has become the easy answer- the morality quick fix. You can be vapid, stupid, and unethical, but so long as you’ve never had sex, you’re a “good” (i.e. “moral) girl and therefore worthy of praise.”
Furthermore, she argues that this dichotomy that women are presented with is a false dilemma: either you are a slut or a non-slut. This exclusively female dilemma creates an imbalance though; it places male sexuality as permissible and blameless regardless of how it’s expressed.
She says, “When women’s sexuality is imagined to be passive or ‘dirty,’ it also means that men’s sexuality is automatically positioned as aggressive and right-no matter what form it takes.”
In other words, it implies that a woman should take a passive role in the sexual encounter, and if she doesn’t, she’s a slut. However, a man is allowed to take both the passive and active roles without being penalized. If a man wants a “virgin” he has to take the active role, because a “virgin” would never initiate the sexual pursuit. But if a man wants to be passive, it’s also okay because it’s the active “slut’s” fault that the sexual encounter was consummated.
The myth of the unicorn exhibits female sexuality as a flaw – something that would rob a maiden of the privilege of seeing a unicorn, or in worse cases, something that is punishable by death. The narratives we encounter in myths have an effect on how we see the world. That is why I think it is important to actively dispel these myths.
In other words, what I’m really trying to say is, “The unicorn is not special, neither is a woman’s virginity. Get over it.”
As a man, I can say that the cultural wish for virgins comes from two causes – one is male insecurity, because a man by nature always fears that another guy could make his woman pregnant, and he could be the fool that works his butt of for the child of another man. If a woman knows less about sex, a man does not have to fear that she might look for another man that she finds sexually more attractive, or find his sexual performance miserable and look for another guy.
The second reasons is that in patriarchal society, a man’s status is extremely important – some societies call it honor. This is because patriarchal societies are by nature aggressive, with every man trying to get more than his share of money, power and sex. A man perceived as weak, as not having status, gets fucked in many ways by other men. So ideally, a man will want a woman nobody else has had and will have, because other men putting horns one you will diminish your status.
i am a woman myself, and the only sad thing about virginity is that you’re supposed to offer it to your husband on ur wedding night. what bullshit. whoever conceived that notion certainly viewed women as sex objects, with nothing to offer to the world other than a tight pussy. if i had something to offer to my husband on our honeymoon, that would be scented paper of our pre-nup agreement.
Just like the myth that is the Virgin Mary.
I remember we had a discussion in a writing class about this.. two semesters ago. It was shared that Mary was nothing but a myth, a bearing of the patriarchal society. It was as simple as this: why were virgins “better” than non-virgins? Because they were tighter. That’s why men before preferred virgins… they thought doing it with them was more pleasurable. They just covered it up with their religious alibis. And even came up with an icon, which is The Virgin Mary, for the women to emulate.
But if people were to go for pleasurable sexual encounters nowadays, it should be known and felt I guess that sex is mental, and psychological, besides physical. XD