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Categorized | Humor, Politics, Religion

Why Priests should run the Philippines: A Proposal for a Priest-Governed Philippine Theocracy

The Catholic clergy has great influence on local government policy decision-making due to the fact that majority of Filipinos are believed to be Catholic. The CBCP has, for years, successfully protected our culture from debauched Western ideas such as divorce, gay marriage, and feminism. We truly are a huge, united, Catholic family despite the fact that there are over 20 denominations of Catholicism in the Philippines with contradicting beliefs.

Unfortunately, the Catholic clergy, specifically, the CBCP still does not have enough influence as evidenced by the fact that their position on immoral bills like the RH Bill is constantly challenged, despite the infallible arguments they gave in support of the Anti-RH position. In my opinion, the Catholic clergy should have more power. In fact, I believe that we, as a nation, should let priests run our country.

In this article I will attempt to prove why the appointment of priests in all government positions would lead to:

1. The end of the poverty problem.

2. Budget cuts in prisons.

3. An added emphasis on education.

4. The implementation of laws against the enemies of the Church.

5. A refocusing of government resources towards the country’s real problem.


Here goes:


1. The End of the Poverty Problem

If we appoint priests to all government positions, the problem of poverty will end. No, poverty will not be solved. There will still be poverty. In fact, there might even be more poverty for every Filipino citizen. But is poverty really a problem? The real problem here is not poverty. Poverty is a blessing that humbles us and brings us closer to God:

“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours in the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. – Luke 6:20-21”

An emergence of clergy leaders can cause a paradigm shift in the hearts and minds of Filipinos who don’t realize where the real problem lies. People don’t realize that the poor are not disadvantaged. The real people who are in trouble and who need a lot of help are the extremely wealthy:

“Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” – Matthew 19:24

We must all help the extremely wealthy become poor. Otherwise, their souls might not be allowed entry into heaven. One advantage we have over first-world nations is that our country is poor. Poverty makes it easier for every Filipino to enter heaven. Unfortunately, the government is trying to change that.

As a Catholic nation, we must all work together to compromise the economic integrity of the Philippine economy. If priests were in charge, we’ll finally be able to implement poverty sustaining programs that will not only allow Filipinos easy access to heaven, but will also allow them to go there sooner.


2. Budget Cuts in Prisons

One problem the country is facing is that our prisons are overcrowded. Furthermore, the country is spending so much money and resources sustaining criminals. These resources could be used for other purposes, like schools, hospitals, and, most importantly, churches.

If we were truly a Catholic country, if we truly believed that God punished the wicked, then why do we have a government that is trying to do God’s job? Instead of trying to capture and punish these criminals ourselves, what we should do as a real Catholic nation is to practice forgiveness and mercy:

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15

If priests were running the country, we would not have this prison population problem. Instead of wasting the government budget on huge prison complexes that costs millions of pesos to sustain, priests would build several confession rooms in areas with high criminal activity, where criminals could confess their sins to a priest. This confession room priest could act as both jury and judge, and sentence the criminal to pray a certain number of “Our Fathers” and “Hail Marys,” depending on the gravity of his crime. And then the criminal is forgiven and set free.


3. An Added Emphasis on Education

The resources saved from prisons and courtrooms could be used towards the development of educational programs for the youth instead. There is no doubt that these programs will be implemented because priests have a deep appreciation for knowledge, wisdom, and especially, children.


4. The Implementation of Laws against the True Enemies of the Church

For so long, the Catholic community has been assaulted by their enemies. Instruments of the Devil have tempted and tested the Catholic faith for centuries. But once the priests are in power, these enemies can finally be vanquished. If we allow priests to run our country, they will be able to implement laws that would encourage the aggressive pursuit of the Church’s true enemies, namely – Homosexuality, Science, and Women.

Some of the laws could include a) the banning of Women from employment and voting; b) state-imposed lifestyle conversions for all homosexuals; c) the banning of Science Education, Scientific Inquiry, and all Science in general.

So long have the lies of Science polluted young minds. In one of its lies, Science has declared that plants grew because of a complicated chemical process that involved some made-up term called photosynthesis. That is absurd. This, so called, “Scientific Fact” is completely false as evidenced by this study: If we allow priests to run our country, our children will finally be properly educated with real Catholic facts.

The truth of the matter is that Filipino children are overeducated. So much time is wasted on English, Mathematics, and Science when all the knowledge Filipinos need is already found in the Bible. It is faith and not the scientific and technological developments of the modern world that will one day lead our nation towards a state of peace, humility, and blessed poverty.

The asinine goals of a democratic government (the alleviation of poverty, science-based education, and social equality) directly contradict the goals of the Catholic Church (a public endorsement in favor of poverty, faith-based knowledge, and the propagation patriarchal institutions). The priorities of the democratic government are geared towards the needs of a living majority, whereas the Catholic Church’s priorities are concerned about the souls of a given population and the afterlife that awaits them.

Currently, our educational system’s priorities mirror those of a democratic government. When priests are in charge, the priorities of our educational system will be made to mirror those of the church. Instead of courses on Biology (which is absolutely useless because there are no living creatures in the afterlife), there will be courses on Angelology (


5. A Refocusing of Government Resources towards the Country’s Real Problem

Misleaders, deceivers, and liars who were influenced and manipulated by the Prince of Lies himself might have led Filipinos to believe that the main problems of our country are corruption, poverty, and a lack of education. This is simply not true. Too many of our government officials waste their time on trivial matters while the true enemy of our good nation destroys our nation from within the core – from our Filipino homes.

The truth is that the real threat to our nation, our most devastating problem, is masturbation.

The research data is absolutely staggering. Studies reveal that:

—            100% of violent criminals masturbate

—            100% of sex offenders masturbate

—            100% of college dropouts masturbate

—            100% of drug addicts masturbate

—            100% of non-Catholics masturbate

Numbers don’t lie. The data speaks for itself. Masturbation causes violence, crime, stupidity, drug addiction, and doubt. Masturbation causes evil.

Furthermore, masturbation, like contraception, is murder. Every time a man masturbates, he’s ending the life of 20 – 100 million sperm cells, or in Catholic terms, 20 – 100 million, innocent and defenseless potential babies. To put things into perspective, Adolf Hitler killed only 6,000,000 people. People who masturbate kill 10 times that number every time they masturbate. People that masturbate are surely worse people than Hitler.

When priests are finally given full government authority, they will focus all the country’s resources on this problem. Once we overcome this national crisis of masturbation, we can finally be among the world’s most progressive countries. But we have to let priests run our country first, because the war on masturbation will begin with priests.

DISCLAIMER: The opinions in this post do not necessarily represent the position of the Filipino Freethinkers.