I call to you to keep him safe
Are you listening to me?
I want you watching him
Because I can’t
I’m just a helpless girl
Who doesn’t know a thing
About prayer
Well, I’m praying now
Desperately
I call to you to keep him safe
Are you listening to me?
Do I have the right to pray
So doubtfully like this?
There’s no one else to turn to
And I’m afraid
Please make him strong enough
To be alright
Please get him through the night
While I pray in half-belief
To the one he trusts completely
Do I have the right to pray
So doubtfully like this?
Allow me to pretend
To believe and trust you
That’s the best I could attempt
To fight the haunting thoughts
Of his body on the pavement
Lifeless, breathless, cold
Imagination unfolds
And I’m trembling
I’m afraid to lose him
Please allow me to pretend
To believe and trust you
Allow me to embrace
This flicker of faith
There’s this hollow feeling
Of not knowing
And I can’t find someone else to run to
So pardon me if I call you
I mean no disrespect
I’m just a helpless girl
Who’s so afraid
So allow me to embrace
This flicker of faith
I just want him safe.
(This poem was written in September 2003, when I was struggling with being an Agnostic. Photo was taken by me on one of my trips to Japan.)
I already know some people who would probably object: Sheldon Cooper and Temperance Brennan ^_^ They're fictional, though LOL (from "The Big Bang Theory" and "Bones" TV series, respectively)
Ah. So he "was" a believer? So I take it he's not a believer anymore?
Anyway, welcome to the world of freethinking, particularly Filipino freethinking. Also, welcome to a world of hurt and of headaches and frustrations at times, what with most of the world deluded with superstitious and irrational non-sense.
So you're a full time agnostic nowadays huh? Good for you. 🙂
With regards to intellect not being everything, with most people I think you are correct. But I certainly would think there are/have been people who would object to that.
The "he" referred to my boyfriend before who was a believer hihihi
Um, no, I'm not struggling anymore. Before I became agnostic, I was a devout Catholic who constantly prayed (not only in moments of desperation, by the way) and when I became one, I was alone (there was no Filipino Freethinkers back then) and didn't quite know what to do or how to think. Agnosticism was not my choice, it was just how I became.
Like what I told Frank: right now, I believe, with all my intellect, that there is no God. But there are times when I feel that there's one, and I don't want to deny that feeling. My psychology is probably built that way, and I'm probably just really lucky sometimes, but I can't help attributing certain feelings of relief and gratitude towards some being watching over me. Intellect is good for reasoning, but it's not everything.
Who is the "he" referred to in the poem btw? A better half? Father? Brother?
So does this mean you're not struggling with being an agnostic anymore? And if so, can I ask what is your current view on God or religion?
Kinda-sorta have this "Les Mis" vibe going there… I feel like singing it to the tune of "Bring Him Home", hehe 🙂