Tag Archive | "sex"

FF Podcast 105 (Audio): Sex Workers in the Philippines


FF Audio Podcast 105 Sex Workers in the Philippines

This week, researcher Sharmila Parmanand joins us. We talk about sex workers and their strange position in Philippine society as both “victims” and “criminals” in the eyes of the law.

You may also download the podcast file here.

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) on iTunes

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) on iTunes

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Sex Workers in the Philippines | FF Podcast


This week, researcher Sharmila Parmanand joins us. We talk about sex workers and their strange position in Philippine society as both “victims” and “criminals” in the eyes of the law.

You may also download the podcast file here.

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast feed

Filipino Freethinkers podcast on iTunes

Filipino Freethinkers podcast on iTunes

Posted in Advocacy, Gender Rights, Media, Podcast, Society, VideoComments (0)

FF Podcast 66 (Audio): Hens and Gender-Neutral Pronouns


FF Podcast 66: Hens and Gender-Neutral Pronouns

What is a “hen”? Sweden has added a gender-neutral pronoun to their language. We talk about this and whether measures like this impacts gender equality in culture and society.

You may also download the podcast file here.

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) on iTunes

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) on iTunes

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FF Podcast 66: Hens and Gender-Neutral Pronouns


Sweden is adding the pronoun “hen” to their dictionaries. This week we talk about Sweden and gender-sensitive language.

You may also download the podcast file here.

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast feed

Filipino Freethinkers podcast on iTunes

Filipino Freethinkers podcast on iTunes

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FF Podcast 59 (Audio): UK Bans Kink Porn


FF Audio Podcast 059: UK Bans Kink Porn

This week we talk about the United Kingdom’s plans to ban kinky porn, including but not limited to displays of female ejaculation and face-sitting. We also discuss some BDSM basics with an honest-to-goodness BDSM practitioner.

You may also download the podcast file here.

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) on iTunes

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) on iTunes

Posted in audio podcast, Entertainment, Freedom of Expression, SocietyComments (0)

FF Podcast 59: UK Bans Kink Porn


This week we talk about the United Kingdom’s plans to ban kinky porn, including but not limited to displays of female ejaculation and face-sitting. We also discuss some BDSM basics with an honest-to-goodness BDSM practitioner.

You may also download the podcast file here.

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast feed

Filipino Freethinkers podcast on iTunes

Filipino Freethinkers podcast on iTunes

Posted in Media, Podcast, Society, VideoComments (0)

FF Podcast (Audio): Darrel Ray (Conversations for a Cause)


Darrel Ray

Conversations for a Cause is a series of interviews with celebrity freethinkers, part of an online donation drive to support ongoing Typhoon Yolanda (Haiyan) relief and rehabilitation efforts.

This week, we talk with Darrel Ray, psychologist and author of Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality. We discuss polyamory, how religions use guilt, and curing the “God Virus.”

Darrel Ray is also the founder of Recovering from Religion.

You may also download the podcast file here.




Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) on iTunes

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast (Audio) on iTunes

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A Conversation with Darrel Ray


Conversations for a Cause is a series of interviews with celebrity freethinkers, part of an online donation drive to support ongoing Typhoon Yolanda (Haiyan) relief and rehabilitation efforts.

This week, we talk with Darrel Ray, psychologist and author of Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality. We discuss polyamory, how religions use guilt, and curing the “God Virus.”

Darrel Ray is also the founder of Recovering from Religion.

You may also download the video file here.

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast feed

Filipino Freethinkers Podcast feed

Filipino Freethinkers podcast on iTunes

Filipino Freethinkers podcast on iTunes

Posted in Media, Podcast, Religion, Science, Society, VideoComments (0)

Masturbation Month: Jocelyn Elders and Mainstreaming the “M” Word


May is Masturbation Month. You probably didn’t know, but I bet you’ve been celebrating anyway. As the saying goes, 99% of us are masturbators — the other 1% are liars.

OK, so those stats aren’t accurate, but they’re close enough: in one survey 89% of women and 95% of men admitted to masturbating at least once.

So it’s not a stretch to say that your mother, father, brother, sister, teacher, professor, supervisor, boss — practically everyone you’ve come into contact with masturbates. So talking about it shouldn’t be a big deal. Right?

Masturbation’s Champion

In 1993, then US President Bill Clinton made Jocelyn Elders the United States Surgeon General, the first African American and the second woman to hold the prestigious position. This was a milestone in both the civil rights and women’s rights movement. Unfortunately, Elders would discover that the sexual revolution wasn’t quite there yet.

In 1994, she spoke at a UN conference on AIDS. Someone asked whether promoting masturbation could prevent the youth from engaging in riskier sexual activities. “I think that it is part of human sexuality,” Elders answered, “and perhaps it should be taught.”

This simple statement led to Elders’ termination. In fairness to Clinton, Elders’ had been rubbing him the wrong way on so many issues for so long. Yet it was masturbation that forced Clinton to come out and finally fire her. By then Elders’ had already suggested legalizing drugs, teaching 5-year-olds to use condoms, and my favorite, telling Catholics “to get over this love affair with the fetus and start worrying about children.”

Masturbation Month

Jocelyn’s career as surgeon general may have ended, but her advocacy continued, encouraging others to promote masturbation in the mainstream.

In 1995, Good Vibrations, a leading company in sex-positive culture and education, protested Elders’ firing by declaring May to be National Masturbation Month. They aimed to raise awareness about masturbation in particular and sexual health in general, encouraging positive discussion about topics many still considered taboo.

In 1998 they followed-up by launching the Masturbate-a-thon, wherein participants massturbate (sorry) to raise awareness about self-love, raise money for charity, and raise maturity against the shame usually associated with the activity.

Mainstreaming the “M” Word

Today, there’s still a taboo on discussing masturbation in public, especially in public policy where the mere suggestion is still met with controversy. Yet despite its divisiveness, masturbation, Jocelyn Elders tells us, can even bring us together:

Masturbation, practiced consciously or unconsciously, cultivates in us a humble elegance — an awareness that we are part of a larger natural system, the passions and rhythms of which live on in us. Sexuality is part of creation, part of our common inheritance, and it reminds us that we are neither inherently better nor worse than our sisters and brothers. Far from evil, masturbation just may render heavenly contentment in those who dare.

– Jocelyn Elders, “The Dreaded ‘M’ Word”

Natural and normal, healthy and harmless, masturbation is one of the few activities we can do with little effort and at no expense. Rich or poor, man or woman, theist or atheist, straight or LGBTQIA, it’s something we can all share. We shouldn’t be ashamed, and dare I say, we should even be proud, especially when we can do it without guilt or shame.

Let’s dispel the hate linked to masturbation once and for all. As the late Whitney Houston once said, it’s easy to achieve. After all, learning to love yourself — it is the greatest love of all. Happy Masturbation Month, fellow masturbator! Accept as a gift this infographic from Pleated-Jeans.

___
Jocelyn Elders Image source

 

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PETA, Sex, and Shock: A Note on Misguided Marketing


Over the past few years, I’ve evolved from a staunch carnivore to someone a bit more understanding of why some people shun eating meat. In fact, I was able to stay more or less pescetarian for the good part of a year, up until I got sick of my very limited choices when eating out (bangus sisig, bangus sisig, calamares, bangus sisig, shrimp tempura, sizzling squid, bangus sisig, bangus sisig, bangus sisig, tuna sandwich, bangus sisig).

And while I am back to gorging on slaughterhouse stock for the time being, I can still grasp why those with far leafier diets choose to eat the way they eat, with a stance against animal cruelty and/or the desire for better health being the main reasons. For the sake of my own health, I do wish I were as disciplined (and rich) enough to go pure vegetarian for the long haul. (And damn it, longganisa, you sweet, garlicky temptress!)

This, then, is why I felt perturbed after watching the following commercial for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA):

Confused? Underwhelmed? A vague sense that you were somehow violated? Yeah, I felt those, too.

(If you can’t see the video here, check it out on Youtube.)

 

People for the Exposure of Tits and Asses

PETA has long been known for their provocative campaigns. Most everyone have seen the ads featuring naked celebrities with the caption, “I’d rather go naked than wear fur.” Also, the organization has long been caricatured as that angry little group of people throwing red paint at fur coats. These actions, among many others, have caused quite a backlash against PETA, for however good their intentions may be, accusations of being sexist, or sensationalist, or just plain asshole-y, are thrown in their direction quite often.

Some may justify their tactics by saying that shock and awe are necessary to catch people’s attention, especially considering today’s collective apathy-tinged attention deficit disorder. And sure, it will catch people’s attention, but that’s only a fraction of what it takes to truly promote a cause that you believe in. That’s what PETA—especially whoever’s running their marketing and PR arm—doesn’t seem to understand properly.

After you get people’s attention, you have to give a reason that’s legitimate and substantial, a reason that will make people really, truly think about the decisions they’ve been making. Should people opt for PETA’s advocacy, it should not be because a physically attractive celebrity is speaking up for it, or because throwing paint at rich, fur-encased people satisfies their monthly schadenfreude quota, but because these people were actually compelled to sit down and assess the information offered them through these campaigns.

 

A sore point

The recent commercial, for instance, only seems to proffer the following message: men who go vegan instantly become healthy and virile enough to be experts at incredibly rough, night-long sex, so much so that their partners’ bodies become bruised, battered, and very, very sore due to all that vigorous fucking, but the partners kind of like it anyway, so it’s all good then, join PETA, yipee-ki-yi-yay.

Now, I like a good dirty joke as much as the next pervert, but watching that video just left me cold. And vaguely angry. All those shots of the girl’s butt—especially the ones with the sunlight winking in between her legs as she stumbled sorely up a flight of stairs—that insinuated a very violent night of sex, was not that funny, nor that sexy. My natural reaction each time I saw those shots was to wince. And question whether the girl was a masochist, an unwitting victim, or an idiot.

These kinds of shock tactics come off as tacky, juvenile, ineffective, and sometimes, like in the case of this particularly crass, frat house joke of a commercial, even counter-effective or distractive. Did PETA seriously think that violent tantric sex was a universal selling point for a major lifestyle switch? Did PETA seriously think this was going to win them serious members? Did PETA seriously think that watching that commercial would make people think about going vegan, and NOT about masochism or female objectification or domestic abuse or all the countless other issues that the commercial actually brings up, albeit in a frustratingly coy way? Electrocuted pigs, environmental sustainability, and my Body Mass Index were the very least of my concerns after seeing that commercial.

 

The smarter sell

There are far more reasonable, dignified, and downright compelling ways to promote what I think is a solid advocacy, so why can’t PETA just go down that direction and avoid pissing people off? Imagine if PETA’s campaigns focused more on really detailing the actual health and/or ethical benefits of adopting a vegan or vegetarian diet. (Snazzy animated infographics campaign on Youtube, anyone?) If they scrapped all the gimmickry and promises of sore vaginas and focused on solid evidence, then they would deserve positive attention and respect.

Documentaries such as Food, Inc. and Earthlings, which focus on revealing what really goes on in the food industry, made me think twice about what my meals were made of. These films’ harrowing footage of live pigs hanging from hooks and getting their necks slit open, or cows riding what I can only describe as the Ferris Wheel of Blood and Pain, do rely on shock value to a point, but they also serve the purpose of informing and educating viewers. Yes, these films are biased—many documentaries are—but at least they try to treat their viewers as intelligent creatures with the capacity to form opinions, and not as a bunch of horny morons.

Again, I’m not a vegan, and I highly doubt that I ever will be. I’ve weighed my options and have sided with the caveman in me, but I respect and admire vegans/vegetarians/pescetarians all the same, because I was exposed to decent media that helped me to understand why there is veganism/vegetarianism/pescetarianism in the first place. A cause I am behind, however, is making PR, marketing, and advertising even just an iota more intelligent than it currently is. I would very much like to see more campaigns that rely on solid evidence; that have an earnest desire to inform rather than provoke; that challenges people to make their decisions based on fact, not fiction; and that have fewer close-ups of asses in post-coital distress.

Images from id-wall.com, triplexbooks.com, and critical-thinkers.com

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Paalam, Soledad


Based on true events, “Paalam, Soledad” follows the struggles of Sister Soledad with her faith and her principles amidst the realities of Santa Clara, a small town ruled by closed minds, false hopes and repressed sexuality. [YouTube’s block has been resolved; this video is now viewable.]

Scene Selection

Group song welcoming people to Santa Clara (3:12)

First Act: Baptism (11:28)

Priest sings about sacrifice and the original sin (22:19)

Sister Soledad sings about the morality of changing and loving our bodies (24:50)

Second Act: Marriage (31:22)

Four women confront Sister Soledad about how society unfairly blames women (40:08)

Third Act: Funeral (46:49)

A happy, naughty song about the IUD (47:52)

Priest and mayor sing about their mutually beneficial partnership (1:05:05)

Finale: people sing about their hopes for Santa Clara (1:16:11)

Credits (1:20:24)

Posted in Religion, Society, VideoComments (6)

On Humans and Clothing


There have been a series of very interesting opinions expressed on the matter here at the FF website:

Why I Will Not Walk Like a Slut

and

Sluttier than Thou (Part 1)

 

Symmetry of opposites

The first thing to note – actually noted by my wife Delia, rational biologist extraordinaire – is that both authorsare allies in actively fighting for the rights and freedoms of all human beings.

And then there is a fantastic symmetry of opposites in Marguerite’s and Liz’s articles. I love symmetry and opposites are just another form of symmetry, so let’s see if I can explain it in words (rather than with an equation or a table):

  • Marguerite argues that people need to keep in mind how others will see them when choosing their clothes, and then fails to foresee how others will be distuberd vis-a-vis of her ideas.
  • Liz is vehement about expressing herself freely and in absolute – uncompromising – terms, while at the same time wishes for educated compassion from others when discussing sexual assault.

 

Conclusion one: both authors are on the same side and both end up doing with “words” the opposite of what they say should be done with “clothes”.

 

The lacking in humans’ clothes

Then, I think that none of the articles develops enough what I think is a crucial point about the animals wearing the clothes: those great apes we call humans.

Inside each human animal there is a rational being who performs and appreciates art, strives for democracy, uses the scientific method, and respects fellow humans regardless of their peculiarities. Most of these are recently acquired notions, the oldest – art? – being a few tens of thousands years old.

And then there is an instinctive being, driven by the reptilian part of the brain, acting without further, or even much, consideration. It pays no heed to the words, but to the way they are spoken or the stance of that uttering them. It makes decisions in a split second without further thought. Instinct is a reliable tool, honed by millions of years of evolution.

I am not going to say that one is better than the other. In fact, much to the contrary. Both serve humans very faithfully and reliably. When they do so in agreement, we’re in luck. But it is not uncommon that they give contradicting opinions regarding the same situation.

I think that that is the case regarding attire. So let’s remove the clothes off of this, so to speak.

Is it just clothes they're selling?

Wearing clothes is a human invention. Most of the time it hinders me: ingrown hairs, sweaty discomfort, you name it; I am sure everyone, at one time or the other has wished they could just drop part or all of their clothes, especially in tropical environments. But as many human inventions, clothing also serves a very clear purpose, especially for those who ventured to inhabit the colder habitats in this planet. For those people removing clothes is folly, as – without shelter – damage to the body ensues quickly.

 

Another aspect of clothing is bedizening (yes, I scoured the dictionary for that one). Since long that the more you wear, the shinier you wear, and the more unique you wear, the more important you purport to be. The traditional example is jewelry, but it applies broadly to material goods, from iGadgets, to motor-vehicles, to dwellings, and including clothes. What humans wear is part of what they own, which is part of how they show – and gauge! – their social status in human society.

Finally, and more to the slutty point, clothing covers the most often sexualized body parts. Swollen penises or erect nipples can be tell-tale signs of – not necessarily conscious – interest in engaging in sexual activity. Clothing keeps those reptilian reactions or conscious thoughts tucked away from the view of others. Most of the time, anyway. But then, it is not a surprise that sex-workers that roam the streets entice clients into engaging their services by exposing as much as they can their sex-related body parts. Or that push-up bras for lasses, and bum enhancers for lads, are a hit.

So, clothing is an expression of an individual’s intelectual, artistic or social freedom. It protects you from the cold, the wind and the sun. But clothing is also a means to get attention given its role in keeping sexualized body parts out of sight.

And herein lies the problem as I see it: it is not only that clothes have multiple roles for those wearing them, they can also be perceived in a plethora of ways by whoever sees what the wearer allows them to see. And it is not just clothes: it’s body language, intonation, scent, you name it (because I don’t know more). So you end up with many combinations of wearer intent and viewer interpretation. When the wearer is not being sexual, but the viewer interprets it that way, violation of the wearer’s rights can ensue.

Horny rabbit wanting to get laid or scared duck running away?

This is not an excuse for the viewer not to think about how they act on what they perceive. Rape is rape; as soon as one party says it is over it should be over there and then. Period.

Think “job interview” for a moment. This does not even need concern your attire for the interview (although every advice out there mentions clothing, right?).

The fulcrum is that as long as you do not show that you are what the hiring party thinks or feels that they need, you’re screwed. What they think or feel that they need. Not what they need or who you are. It does not matter who you are or if you are what they need. They must be convinced that you are what they think they need. I know it is over-elaborate, but it is to the point: your identity is also what other animals perceive of it (as long as you share your habitat with them). Generalization: those need not even be just humans animals; for any animal you share your enviroment with, you are what they perceive.

So, I am not an expert in human animals (my trade is fundamental particles,) but one thing never ceases to fascinate me: that all of this thinking happens inside the same human brains. Gotta love those human brains! (Both the rational and reptilian bits.)

 

Conclusion two: things are not just what we make them look like, but also what others want or can see in us.

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Hey, Look! There’s a Big, Disgusting Bias on My Dick! (Part 1)


Disclaimer: I am writing not as a representative of the Filipino Freethinkers but as an individual with an opinion. My views are my own and should, in no way, be viewed as an indication of what beliefs or values members of our organization hold. Throughout this article, I might use hetero-centric language in that, more often than not, when I refer to “men,” I’m actually referring to heterosexual men. Though I am aware of its importance, I decided, for the sake of brevity to omit the heterosexual part in the assumption that through this disclaimer I have clarified the context of the erasure.

“Shut-up and Man-up!”
According to the American Heritage Dictionary, a double standard is a “set of principles establishing different provisions for one group than another; also, specifically, allowing men more sexual freedom than women.”

According to Dictionary.com, a double standard is “any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another, especially an unwritten code of sexual behavior permitting men more freedom than women.”

In many instances the word double standard is commonly defined and commonly accepted as a belief or view that discriminates against women and provides men with unfair advantages and privileges. The most common example of this is the Stud/Slut double standard that goes something like, “If a man sleeps around, he’s a stud. If a woman sleeps around, she’s a slut?”

It is implied, even in most dictionaries, that when double standards occur, women are on the losing end of it. We always hear about female side about their problems with the double standard because women were actually smart enough to come up with a movement, feminism, that dealt with issues like this and that fought for policies that could educate and assist women in dealing with these matters.

Straight men didn’t bother (I’m making that distinction because gay men have the gay rights movement available to them), partly because they were expected, pardon the sexist idiom, to “shut-up and man-up.” Majority of straight men do not have a proper venue for productive discourse with regard to men’s issues because, in the dominant paradigm of gender politics, straight men are considered to be the privileged oppressors in patriarchal cultures and are, therefore, in no position to voice out grievances, especially grievances about the opposite sex. However, this postulation of dominance by males does not exempt them from bias, harmful double standards and oppression.

“I Want to Make Boys Feel Bad Because It’s Fun.”
The illustrations I used for this article are T-Shirt prints marketed and sold by David & Goliath Inc. Radio host Glenn Sacks started a campaign calling for the boycott of what is perceived by many as the widespread marketing of misandry, disguised and often justified as female empowerment.

In fairness to Goldman, he made no mention of how his products were meant to be sold under the pretense of empowerment. In fact, in a news article by from National Post, Goldman explicitly denies that his T-shirts have anything to do with the girl-power movement. “I’m a guy. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about girl empowerment. Our market is teenage girls. I know what sells.”

He’s right. I haven’t found a single feminist movement that officially promotes these shirts as “empowering.” And, in my opinion, although these products reinforce false masculine archetypes that suggest that men are stupid liars, Goldman has a right to express his opinion and to take advantage of a trend to make a profit.

However,  the fact that these products sell to such a degree, the fact that shirts printed with these slogans have mainstream acceptance, in my opinion, points towards a cultural trend of tolerance for violence towards men, especially, once we consider the target market for this merchandise – quoting Goldman, “Our market is teenage girls.”

Let’s Go, Girls! It’s Beat Up Your Boyfriend Night!
Joan Arehart-Treichel wrote an article, “Men Shouldn’t Be Overlooked as Victims of Partner Violence”, to address the issue of violence towards men and to present surprising statistics about the nature of partner violence.

In that article she writes:

“Regarding perpetration of violence, more women than men (25 percent versus 11 percent) were responsible. In fact, 71 percent of the instigators in nonreciprocal partner violence were women.”

Nonreciprocal violence, by the way, is when a woman hits a man and the man doesn’t hit back. When he does hit back, it’s called reciprocal violence a.k.a. criminal violence; a violation of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) in the States and a violation of Republic Act. 9262 Anti-violence Against Women and Their Children act of 2004 in the Philippines.

Some people would argue that violence by women can’t be as serious as violence by men because women are, most of the time, physically smaller and weaker than the men they fight with. Unfortunately, research proves that women also have a tendency to compensate for their smaller size through their greater use of weapons and the element of surprise, and that only a small percentage of female domestic violence is committed in self-defense.

An annotated bibliography of around 300 “References Examining Assaults by Women on their Spouses or Male Partners” compiled by Martin S. Feibert points to the same conclusion  – within heterosexual intimate partnerships, women have a higher propensity for violence than men:

Doroszewicz, K., & Forbes, G. B. (2008).  Experiences with dating aggression and sexual coercion among Polish college students.  Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 23, 58-73.  (The CTS-2 was used to study dating aggression in a sample <men=100, women=100> of unmarried Polish college students.  Results reveal that women were overall significantly more aggressive than men <48% vs 35.6%>).

Straus, M. A. (2008).  Dominance and symmetry in partner violence by male and female university students in 32 nations.  Children and Youth Services Review, 30, 252-275.  (A convenience sample of 13,601 students <71.5% women, 28.5% men> at 68 universities in 32 countries completed the CTS2.  Findings reveal that almost a third of students assaulted their dating partners in a 12 month period.  In terms of initiation, mutual aggression accounted for 68.6% of physical violence, while women initiated violence 21.4% of the time and men initiated violence 9.9% of the time.)

Leung, P. & Cheung, M.  (2008).  A prevalence study on partner abuse in six Asian American ethnic groups in the USA.  International Social Work, 51, 635-649.  (A large sample of Asian Americans were surveyed with the original CTS in the greater Houston area of Texas.  Sample consisted of 1577 respondents: 610 Chinese, 517 Vietnamese, 154 Indians, 123 Koreans, 101 Filipinos and 72 Japanese.  In terms of partner abuse high rates were reported for Vietnamese (22.4%) and Filipinos (21.8%)and low rates for Japanese and Chinese (9.7%).  Overall women were more abusive than men (17.6% vs 15.3%).

If, according to science, women are more violent than men in their domestic relationships, how come our laws on domestic violence protect only women?

My idea of gender equality is legal equality. Anything beyond that is, in my opinion, gender biased. Violence should be criminalized regardless of who’s doing it. Apart from criminalizing male violence on females, you know what else I think could help reduce domestic violence?

Criminalizing female violence on males.

Unfortunately, misandry is not only tolerated in contemporary culture, sometimes it is even encouraged. Some radical feminist groups not only condone misandry and violence against men, they advocate it and laugh about it.

A popular feminist blog, Jezebel.com, published an article entitled, “Have You Ever Beat Up A Boyfriend, Uh, We Have.” Guess what it’s about! Right! How fun it is to hit boys who don’t hit back. Ironically, this article was what led me to the statistics on partner violence. Joan Arehart-Treichel’s article, “Men Shouldn’t Be Overlooked as Victims of Partner Violence,” was cited as a source.

Tracie Egan Morrisey writes (bold emphasis, mine):

“According to a study of relationships that engage in nonreciprocal violence, a whopping 70% are perpetrated by women. So basically that means that girls are beating up their BFs and husbands and the dudes aren’t fighting back. With Amy Winehouse busting open a can of whupass on her husband last week, we decided to conduct an informal survey of the Jezebels to see who’s gotten violent with their men. After reviewing the answers, let’s just say that it’d be wise to never ever fuck with us.

“One Jezebel got into it with a dude while they were breaking up, while another Jez went nuts on her guy and began violently shoving him. One of your editors heard her boyfriend flirting on the phone with another girl, so she slapped the phone out of his hands and hit him in the face and neck… “partially open handed.” Another editor slapped a guy when “he told me he thought he had breast cancer.”(Okay, that one made us laugh really hard.) And lastly, one Jez punched a steady in the face and broke his glasses. He had discovered a sex story she was writing about another dude on her laptop, so he picked it up and threw it. And that’s when she socked him. He was, uh, totally asking for it.”

Articles such as this one encourage women to beat up their boyfriends, postulating this behavior, violence against men, as a humorous, laughable norm and going as far as to cite a popular celebrity, Amy Winehouse as an “endorser” for nonreciprocal violence.

“On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Funny is a Mutilated Vagina?”
It is precisely because of this rising trend of misandry that a group of men have decided to fight back and make fun of violence perpetrated on a female, particularly a woman whose vagina was mutilated.

On July of 2011 an Orange County man drugged his wife, tied her up while she was unconscious, waited for her to wake up, then sliced pieces off her vagina and destroyed the severed organs by throwing them in a garbage disposal. Hosts from the show laughed at the idea of little vagina bits bouncing around in the garbage disposal. The all-male audience laughed with them!

I’m just kidding. That didn’t really happen. That will never happen. No man would dare laugh about violence done to a woman on television because such a display of barbarity would end his career and maybe even his life. If a group of men publicly laughs at the idea of torturing women via vaginal mutilation, the public would call for their heads. People would claim that these men deserved to die, or at the very least, they would clamor that all the men involved in the incident lose their jobs. These men might even be attacked by random strangers who would feel justified in beating the shit out of these assholes out of principle. There might be rallies, demonstrations and women’s rights activists all over television.

“On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Funny is a Mutilated Penis?”

But what if was the other way around? What if a bunch of women laughed about a man’s mutilated penis on television? I’m not kidding about that one. That really happened and will be discussed further in part 2.

 

(to be continued…)

 

All pictures taken from:

http://menareangrynow.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/through-a-mirror-bleakly/

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Why I Will Not Walk Like a Sl*t


Disclaimer: The asterisk in the title was used in order for this post to come out on our Facebook pages. Just to make it clear, I’m as much of a pottymouth as the next person. Kepyas kepyas kepyas.

“Slut” is a derogatory term, and it should stay that way. This is coming from someone who dry heaves at the term “making love,” and made casual sex her sport of choice when she was single. No matter how comfortable I am with the idea of mindless sex and its pursuit, I believe that there is a difference between being in full control of one’s sexuality, and just being plain promiscuous.

SlutWalk - "Why I will not walk like a slut" by Marguerite de Leon
Walk like a slut

A group of female activists inToronto, however, have started a pride march of sorts dubbed the “SlutWalk” last June. It was sparked when a local police officer suggested that “women should avoid dressing like sluts” to avoid sexual harassment. In protest, these women have taken to the streets in an effort to redefine slut-dom, with many of them donning tacky, skimpy clothing and daring men not to ogle or wolf-whistle. The movement has become so popular that SlutWalks have been held across the world ever since, including in uber-traditional, harassment-heavy New Delhi.

I am totally for women speaking out not only against harassment, but also in support of their right to be open about their love for sex, whether mindless or meaningful. What I find very weak about these women’s concept, however, is their dependence on the image of a scantily-clad slut to further such a well-intentioned cause.

SlutWalk - "Why I will not walk like a slut" by Marguerite de Leon
Who you callin’ hot mama?

If you go out on the street in a low-cut blouse, hot pants, and heels, and then feel bad that people are staring at you, you should probably reassess your situation. What other reason is there for women to wear revealing clothing other than to attract attention? “To make me feel good about myself and/or my body” may be a valid sentiment, but  the fact remains that at the very root of your feeling good about yourself and/or your body via clothing is your being found sexually attractive by others.

Why bother wearing something revealing if sexual attractiveness is not the message you’re willing to convey? For the love of fashion, you say? Most skimpy haute couture wasn’t meant for the commute to work in the first place. Heterosexual men are predisposed to like boobs and legs and butts, and if you feel offended that your halter top/micro-mini/low-rise jeans has garnered you unwarranted attention, then it would be best for you to sit down and read up on biology and gender studies before heading out again.

SlutWalk - "Why I will not walk like a slut" by Marguerite de Leon
Frankness and foresight

The odd wolf-whistle or two, of course, is absolutely nothing compared to rape, and the best way for any individual to avoid it is to avoid vulnerable situations. Marching the streets in a bikini and waving a placard that reads “This is NOT my I WANT YOU face!” is not going to keep some depraved schmuck from taking advantage of you.

Instead, try lucid communication. On a night out, for instance, not only should you verbally make your intentions with your date clear, but also look and act that way you want to be treated. Want sex on the first date? Go for it – drop as many double entendres as you deem necessary. Want to play it slow or show that you’re not interested? Then stop trying to spill your cleavage onto your plate and laughing at every other thing your date says. Better yet, for either case, just say what you feel. “I like you. Want to come up to my apartment for a drink?” “I like you. Maybe we can have dinner again this week. When are you free?” “You’re very nice, but I don’t think we’re a good fit. I should go on ahead. I hope you understand.”

At the end of the day, however, anyone, regardless of what they’re wearing, can become a victim of rape. There are bad people out there, and they will not listen to what you tell them. The key to eradicating such a horrid crime is more about advancing an intelligent, empathetic, and conscientious society and less about pitting men against women through the Pussy Power Patrol.

So, if you want to redefine how men and women interact with one another, don’t parade yourself in your panties and dare people not to stare at you. Don’t try to alleviate the perils of mixed signals with even more mixed signals. Just quit the ambiguous bullshit, period.

Click here for a follow-up to this piece. 

(Images from IBTimes, TnT Magazine, Lisa VanDyke, and The Guardian)

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