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Categorized | Religion, Stories

The River of a Shadow of Doubt

Oh bless me Lord for I have sinned

It’s been a lifetime since I last confessed

I threw my crutches in “the river of a shadow of doubt”

And I’ll be dressed up in my Sunday best

That was a stanza from one of Green Day’s songs, East Jesus Nowhere. Every time somebody asks me why I am an Atheist, I quote their lines. Frankly, they don’t get it. It’s just a catchy tune with bad lyrics to them.

Aye. I admit I’m a Green Day fan, even since I was a kid. My mother’s forbidden me from buying American Idiot and 21st Century Breakdown, but that’s what YouTube is for. People have called me a God-Hater, or a Satanist, or even a plain and simple Idiot and their countless variations for expressing my idiot. But then I ask: how would I hate something I know doesn’t exist, how would I believe in what I know is a figment of imagination, and how am I an idiot for using my reason and knowledge to arrive at a conclusion?

They asked for my opinion, and they got it.

But I know what I am. And I am a freethinker, one who has decided to swim against the tide and rely on logic and reason to find the answer to my questions.

That’s the journey. I kept asking, and I kept looking for answers when what I had didn’t satisfy me. As I grew, the being called God wasn’t good enough for my intent, the Bible left me with more questions than answers. I became more confused as I listened to the preachers. I then turned to logic and reason, science for the answers I sought.

I concluded that God was a hypocrite at best, and a total monster at worst. I finalized things by stating that I had no more business to do with him. I became an Atheist on December 22, 2010.

I don’t regret throwing my crutches in the river of a shadow of doubt, especially since I’ve discovered that I’ve been leaning on them when I could have walked upright using my own ability.

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DISCLAIMER: Views expressed in this article represent the views of the author (InfinitySquared) and do not necessarily represent the editorial position of

DISCLAIMER: The opinions in this post do not necessarily represent the position of the Filipino Freethinkers.