I used to support the RH Bill. I no longer do. By the end of this document, neither would you. I have not supported the RH Bill since I attended a lecture in Megamall about the truth behind it. That lecture truly enlightened me. My only hope is that this holy light of enlightenment passes through your monitor screen, into your optical nerves, and into your heart so it can touch your soul (because the soul is in the heart). My intent here is not to antagonize Pro-RH people, but to enlighten – so listen up, you narrow-minded morons. Open your minds to the real truth…
The RH Bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction, because, at its very core, the RH Bill is an extension of a secret, global conspiracy – a western attempt – to implement principles of eugenics on unsuspecting, inferior populations in order to exclude them from the human evolutionary process, at the end of which would, at the apex, summon forth THE MASTER RACE. Anyone who failed to see this after the lecture is ignorant. I advise him or her to do his or her research, better yet, do some soul-searching to discover the real truth, because the truth is in our hearts, we just have to listen to it.
Initially, my layman’s interpretation of the RH Bill led me to think that it was just a bill meant to help educate the uninformed about ways to prevent them from fornicating their way to a very bad financial situation. My ignorant mind devised 10 simple points as to why the RH Bill was right.
I thought:
1. The minimum wage – the lowest an employer can pay an employee – of a non-agricultural Filipino worker is P404.
2. If there were 20 working days in a month (because most people don’t work on the weekend), the average minimum-wage-earning Filipino would earn around P8,000 a month.
3. Let’s call that person, Joey. If Joey, like other human beings, ate food on a regular basis, he will spend around P70/day on food (and that’s a very, very conservative assumption). There are 30 days in a month, so I guess, that would amount to P2,100 a month.
4. But if Joey had a wife that he loved, he might want to feed her too. Feeding her would cost another P2,100 a month.
5. P8,000 – P4,200 = P3,800
6. If Joey and his wife rented a home, or used electricity and bathed from time to time, the amount left from Joey’s salary would be significantly reduced. Let’s say their utility bills and rent amounted to P1800.
7. P3,800 – P1800 = P2,000
8. P2,000 is a lot of money, but I don’t think Joey and his wife should have more than 3 children, right? I mean, I don’t have children, but just by looking at one, I can safely assume that they cost more than P1,000/month. Babies need milk, diapers, toys, immunity injections, baby medicine…
9. From this I deduced that babies cost money. If babies cost money, I theorized that having more babies would cost more money. And from this data, I observed that a person who spent a lot of money on children, but didn’t earn a lot of money, would soon be broke and unable to provide for both himself and his children. Another word for this broke situation is poverty.
10. I theorized that a person can avoid being poor by making less babies. So, I thought that steps should be taken to inform people about this very little known fact. I also thought that the government should make contraceptives accessible so that people who don’t earn a lot can properly manage the little resources that they have. That’s why I supported the RH Bill.
But now I know that I was wrong. And here are some of the reasons why I know that. By the way, before I continue, I must say that this is the truth, guys. In fact, it’s more than the truth. It’s the Catholic truth, which means that it’s truer and more true than the regular truth.
I know that the issue of the RH Bill is not a religious issue, but make sure you pay attention if you want your soul to be saved. Here are some of the things I learned from the lecture I learned:
“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that the Philippines is overpopulated.”
I agree. I, myself, have observed that the Philippine is NOT overpopulated. In fact, if you use your common sense and think about it, you will realize a few things:
1. We are not overpopulated! Look at the mountains, the jungles, the caves and the ocean floor. There are no people there!
2. If we were really overpopulated, we would have trouble travelling. But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people.
3. Students in public schools are well educated because the teacher to student ratio is very low. In fact, because of our low population the government can basically guarantee that all public school students are provided books, notebooks and other school supplies.
“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that contraceptives are good for mankind and women.”
1. I agree, the RH Bill is not good for women because it might draw a woman away from her one, true, universal purpose – the uninterrupted production of healthy babies.
2. Furthermore, the role of women in society and the universe is to make babies. That’s why God made women. That’s their sole purpose in life. They’re not good for anything else. Ever wonder why there are no women in the clergy? Because they’re not good enough.
3. Contraceptives would allow women to enjoy the benefits of physical intimacy while maintaining a successful and productive career, if she so chooses. That is so wrong. Only men should be able to enjoy that privilege.
4. Women should get pregnant every single time they have sex and only immoral women enjoy sex without the possibility of conception. In fact, a better alternative would be for women, in general, to follow the example made by Mother Mary – to learn how to conceive without having sex.
“The RH bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction!”
1. I agree. If we pass the RH bill, we will become extinct, like dinosaurs. The dinosaurs are all dead. If we don’t want to be extinct, we should not pass the RH Bill. I mean, do you really want to be a dinosaur?
2. In my opinion, it wouldn’t even be far-fetched to speculate that the most probable reason the dinosaurs became extinct was because they used contraceptives.
3. Population decline is just bad for nations. Just look at the countries which have a declining population – Italy, Japan and Singapore. They’re in such a bad shape. The Philippines obviously has a better economy and has a higher literacy rate than these countries. In fact, many Italians, Japanese, and Singaporeans go to the Philippines for work. That only goes to show that a decline in population is bad for the economy.
“Our population is our biggest asset!”
1. In my opinion, people should make as many babies as they can because the population is not a problem. In fact, the more babies a person has, the more assets he has. Forget real estate properties, stock investments, or Jollibee franchises. The real secret to increased wealth is babies.
2. If you have 15 babies, you’re practically wealthy because babies are assets:
2.1 If you need money, you can sell them.
2.2 If you can keep them alive until they can walk, they can one day beg for money in the streets – they’re going to have to anyway because there’s no way in hell you’ll be able to provide for all of them on your own.
3. If ever a person is not able to feed the 15 babies he made, it’s the governments fault, because it’s the governments sole responsibility to make sure that every Filipino baby is fed.
4. The best way a person can contribute to his country is to contribute to its population.
“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that reproductive education and contraceptives will effectively reduce cases of abortion.”
1. Reproductive/contraceptive education will have no effect on the number of abortion cases. In my opinion, these abortion cases will not lessen because women will continue to have abortions regardless of whether they are pregnant or not.
2. Abortions cannot be prevented. It’s just something that women naturally do. Like shopping, for example.
“The RH Bill is wrong because it will make people participate in extra-marital and pre-marital sex.”
1. By approving the RH Bill, we as a nation, are practically encouraging our people to engage in immoral activities.
2. We must protect our moral values and reject the RH Bill. Because, currently, not a single Filipino engages in pre-marital sex or extra-marital sex. As soon as this bill is approved, Filipino people will run the streets naked and start a national orgy!
3. The root cause of extra-marital and pre-marital sex is one’s exposure to contraceptives. There is just something in contraceptives that people find very arousing.
4. In Western countries, men lure strange women into bed by showing them condoms.
5. If we ban condoms, absolutely no one would engage in pre-marital or extra-marital sex.
“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that parents don’t teach their children about sex.”
1. The truth is that parents talk to their children about sex all the time. It’s so not awkward. The dad usually tells his children how he takes off all his clothes, does a sexy Tiger growl and makes sweet, sweet music with their mother’s body.
2. Also, a father usually advises his daughter that if she’s going to have sex with her boyfriend, she should use a condom. Sometimes the father even drives the daughter to the boyfriend’s house and waits for the couple to finish.
3. Filipino daughters don’t have sex without the father’s permission. Unwanted pregnancies or teen pregnancies never happen to Filipino girls. That’s why we do not need the RH Bill.
“The RH Bill is a conspiracy.”
1. It’s lies, all lies!
“The RH Bill is wrong because the priest said so, and priests are never wrong.”
The biggest reason why we should not pass the RH Bill is because the priests told us that we shouldn’t. As anyone should know, priests, men of the clergy, should be the authority on sexual and reproductive matters because they have the most knowledge and experience with sex and reproduction. They are true sexperts – legendary masters of erotic affairs. If you are a real Catholic, you would do everything they say, because they’re always right.
Hehe. Dahil sa pagbabasa ko ng comments, marami tlaga ang tangang pinoy
LOL! hilarious ang article, pero mas hilarious ang comments! thanks for waking me up from another hapontukin moment! :p :))
Wow i had no idea this was supposed to be sarcastic. Hahahaha good one.
"3. Filipino daughters don’t have sex without the father’s permission. Unwanted pregnancies or teen pregnancies never happen to Filipino girls. That’s why we do not need the RH Bill."
How can one be SO presumptuous! It's like saying "all Italians have Mob ties" or "all Chinese are inclined toward making money"
My question to the writer…has he himself ever tried to bed a Pinay?
OMG. How stupid is the writer?? We're not over populated?! There is a small ratio between students and teachers in public schools? Filipino girls don't have sex without their father's consent? We will be like DINOSAURS amputa!!! Is it wrong that i think this is a joke? This is demeaning not only to women but Filipinos, and humanity in general. Such poor arguments too. “The RH Bill is wrong because the priest said so, and priests are never wrong.” Are you fucking kidding me?….
OMG. Why didn't you read up to the comments section?
Apparently, it is still difficult for most people to detect sarcasm. 🙂
Smart
Thanks for your brilliant comment Ina. You are one shining example of why we should have an RH bill.
i hope your comment is also sarcastic.
"Is it wrong that i think this is a joke?" – yes, it is. it's very wrong xD
Isa pang shonga shonga. HAHAHA.
Sarcasm po ang gusto iparating ng author. Isa ka pang dinosaur. :))
isa ka pa! sige english ng english! "Are you fucking kidding me?"–fuck urself!!!!!!
OMG! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?
And with this, we prove that sarcasm – especially when over-done to the point of no longer being funny – does not always come through in print.
And with this, we prove that sarcasm – even when over-done to the point of no longer being funny – does not always come through in print.
Ang haba-haba na nga nung article, pero hindi pa rin nagets nung iba. :/
Sorry sa mga di nakagets sa pagiging satiric ng article na ito. 🙂
Pero nakakatuwang isipin na kahit di nila gets, naglakas loob pa rin silang mag-post ng comment tungkol sa isang issue sa ating bansa. :D/
@hannah: totally agree!
no offense meant, but people should look beyond the literal meaning of this post.
..I beg to differ on the lakas ng loob part. Wala talaga silang ka-alam2x sa binasa nila. Mabilis pang mag-type ng comment kaysa mag-isip. 😀
ibang klase trigger nitong article sa mga tao, everyone's practically fighting/bashing one another. comments are now more entertaining than the article at andami pang mga intellectual superiors… yeehaw!
Hi Rashine! =))
IDOL KO RIN YAN
I shall submit this to the Catholic church, to beef their arguments. They need it badly
"The Philippines obviously has a better economy and has a higher literacy rate than these countries."__— after reading all the comments, lalo na yung mga hde naka-gets ng article, mas lalo nyo lang pinatunayan ang kabaligtaran.;)
EFF! Ang totoong BOBO ay yung mga hindi naka-gets ng totoong SIDE ng author!
DONT YOU GUYS GET IT???
The author is a PRO-RH BILL! But to convey his side, he pretended as if he was an ANTI-RH BILL!!!
Pretending to be an ANTI-RH BILL, he presented the "sentiments" of those attacking the BILL — and hindi nakita nyo naman kung gano ka-absurd ang mga ito diba??? So thru that, the author was successful in conveying the message na ang stupid ng sentiments being thrown against the RH BILL.
tanga ka.period.
Okay, I'm a little torn here now. Some of those who violently reacted against this article just show how strong their convictions are in believing that we need the RH to be passed immediately. Can't we point out that this post is satirical and sarcastic in nature with humility and not by poking fun of those who didn't get this post at first? Some people here are just full of themselves just because they think they're an inch smarter knowing how to read this post. Being mean just because some people didn't get it is just plain wrong. Para na rin kayong lumevel sa mga taong inuuna ang emosyon sa pagbibigay ng komento dito.
This deserves to be posted in The Onion and Cracked. So f'n funny 🙂
*liked this comment*
Lots of filipinos who cannot read between the lines and saw this as an actual argument lol.
I see people write 'novel' comments to counter the points here (I hope they were sarcastic reponses as well). LOL
“Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)” Washington Post August 2, 1998, Style.
Oh the irony, sarcasm and innuendo.. Good job! 🙂
Amen, Hallelujah and all that jazz! anti-RH na rin ako! promise! 🙂
This is great, we're up to 9 pages.
For those who are over zealous about their being Pro-RH/RP and probably thinks that the other side is not open minded enough to understand your opinion. these comments shows us that we have those kinds of people too. 🙂
For those that didn't bother to finish the post and didn't bother to read the other comments. Sucks to be you.
BTW "My only hope is that this holy light of enlightenment passes through your monitor screen" should have given some hint that he was either retarded or he wasn't serious.
Cheers!
the site is now ranked #1 on Top Blogs just because of this post. Dustin Celestino is a genius! I hope I get the chance to meet you.
dba #3 pa rin?
Napangiti ako nung nabasa ko ang article.
Napa-facepalm ako nung nabasa ko ang mga comments.
Sarcasm is very much misunderstood.
+1 to you mr. writer!
one word…
STUPID!
You have a gift in writing Mr Author, thank you for sharing.
I happen to disagree with your views, however it doesnt mean i disrespect you. Those are two different things.
It will take at least P3 billion, says Rep Lagman, to implement this bill.
How sure are you that this 3 BILLION PESO investment will really bring us any financial return?
IMHO, i would rather :
1) Put this 3 BILLION PESOS into creating more stricter policies and procedures to prevent and kick out CORRUPT PUBLIC SERVANTS.
2) Promote throughout the land the values of INTEGRITY, HONESTY, EDUCATION. Reward those who lead by example.
3) UPGRADE the Educational System, create more sports as outlets.
All the money that we wouldve saved from capturing and kickingo out Corrupt government officials will surely be big enough to upgrade the Educational System in the Philippines. Imagine, the public schools in Australia, America are better than our Private schools here. Upgrade DECS and Ched. Give FREE and REGULAR teaching seminars on SKILLS (hair-cutting, sewing, shoe making, how to be a mechanic, plumber etc) .
Knowing more skills will empower the people, specifically poor. They will get busy, and not spend their time looking for future partners to be or practise making babies.
Many of them feel hopeless living where they are, especially those that have no jobs. We can empower them with that P3billion pesos. 😀
Besides, we are no over populated. Check out the Philippines population density online. Over concentrated lamang tayo sa mga capitals. Why is this? Ang mga mahihirap ay lumilipat kung nasaan maraming trabaho. Why not TURUAN SILA NG MGA SKILLS? Train them to become entrepreneurs. Maybe other countries will be demanding for our products and businesses dahil masisipag at mababait ang PINOY. Our provinces have specialties known world wide.
Ex Our Yellow Mangoes are expensive in Australia. If the government can provide tools, equipments and latest technologies for our Agriculture, edi ang daming dollars sana ang pwedeng pumasok sa bansa natin.
i agree with you that we should spend more on education, especially in skills for the poor. regarding your other points, however, you should know that:
1.) that 3 billion pesos, when allocated for dealing with corrupt public officials, will never be used for that purpose because the ones who will handle the money are the corrupt officials themselves. the money will only go straight to their pockets.
2.) corruption is a deeply ingrained problem in the philippine society, which will never be addressed by merely a change of policies. in order to eliminate corruption, we have to change some things about the philippine culture that was handed down to us by our spanish colonizers. it will take several generations to eliminate the culture of corruption in the philippine government.
3.) sex education and access to contraception should not only be about overpopulation. it should also be about filipinos having control over when they conceive, how many children they conceive, or whether they want to be parents at all. moreover, not all families can afford to have many children. we filipinos are more than just babymaking machines. it is not about limiting our population – it is about filipinos having reproductive autonomy.
4.) whether the rh bill gets passed or not, people will keep on having sex, whether they are married or not. not all of the people in the philippines are christians, much less catholics. not all christians are devout. not everyone here believes that sex should only be for reproductive purposes. there are couples who do not want to have kids yet, or do not want to have more kids, yet have sex to strengthen their bond. and there are people who just want to enjoy sex on their own terms, and this is fine as long as they are hurting no one. effective contraceptive methods and sex education are our primary line of defense against unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases and infections.
OMG sarcasm at its finest. you made my day, writer!
magaling ka na. stfu coz am not talking to u
bobo ka skeptical…. BOBO!
nagmamagaling ka pa…. skeptical bobo
Bobo mo gago
How does it feel to be… I don't know… STUPID?
ahaha! Nice article but I find the comments more amusing…
don't you know what sarcasm means? LOL.
That's the problem with us pinoys… a lot are looking at things at the surface level, shallow-thinking most of the times…
I think we need to shave off some ignorance. XD
It is rather disturbing to know that a lot of these anti-RH people failed to grasp the satire and the sarcasm behind this article. They're even using it as a source to support their anti-RH sentiments. The last time I checked this post there were only less than 40 comments. Didn't expect that this will turn out to be such a livewire.
heheheh nawala antok ko dito 🙂 ayos!!!
By the way Dustin, nice article. Almost got me fooled. 🙂
According to this study http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2005/may/23/psy…
people who fail to comprehend or identify sarcasm tend to have brain damage.
HEY POST THIS INTO A PRO-LIFE WEBSITE!!! xD
The stupidity of most of the comments are over 9,000! good job!
For those who want to be technical http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/english/melani/…
Satire and Sarcasm are different: but Sarcasm is commonly used in Satire
Dapat me ilagay na warning dito na kailangan basahin mula simula hanggang dulo at sarcastic article lang ito.
The warning though would have killed the joy of reading the very serious negative reactions. Hehehehe…
Basahin po ng buo at intindihin bago magwala at magcomment. 🙂
I mean malamig. Goodness, nakalimutan ko pa ang Tagalog ng ice cold. Pasensya na.
Chillax, bro.
Hmm, come to think of it, as a whole it looks like a satirical essay. Because in a way it not only makes fun of the anti RH Bill people's arguments, but as a whole it tries to make the anti RH Bill readers realise the error of their arguments. Maybe a little of both sarcasm and satire .. anyway .. it was fun to read.
Gets niya, ano ka ba. Kaya nga inexplain niya yung counter-point tungkol sa Japan, Korea at Singapore e.
OMG. OMG. Some… umm… wait, lemme change that… A LOT of people are taking this seriously? OMG.
Lemme entertain myself with these comments kthnx.
as entertaining as this article was, the comments have far overshadowed it. It’s like watching reality TV!
entertain yourself to death!
Congrats to you if u found yourself entertained… i can't help but get pissed to those stupid comments…shame on them..
These comments really make me want to cry. Bakit naman di magets?
*fist in the air, tear rolling down my cheek moment*
ikaw na magaling with drama effect
Kulang sa pagsuso sa gatas ng ina, kaya kulang din sa I.Q.
SARCASM … people, don't you get it, the author is trying to insult the anti RH Bill people by making the arguments they make look stupid … oh come on … that is why some people's comments here got a lot of thumbs down because they did not get it. I was smiling in my seat while I read this. xD
it is sad that there are those who do not get the point of this.
IT'S SARCASM PEOPLE! DON'T TAKE IT LITERALLY…. good grief
but props to you, dustin_celestino. Hilarious satire 🙂
A very sad man indeed… sarcastic sobra hahaha….wala na bang ikaBOBOBO to?
OMG… shows how much stupid a typical filipino is…
funny article… but the reactive comments are more hilarious.. daming bobo haha!
saba diha mura pud kag brayt!!!!!!
anti christ ka!!!!
Oh wow! Reading some of the comments (of those who did NOT get it) made me realize that we need to pass the RH Bill… NOW!
MALI ka! pg naipasa ung RH Bill, bababa ung chance n magkaroon tau ng mga taong nakakaintindi ng mga ganitong article hahaha..
For some people who might not be getting this… this is sarcasm.
Some people doesn't know how sarcasm works. Try to go back to 2nd grade. I learned it in a public school. Hahaha!
Truly deceiving. 🙂
omg ang funny naman nito. chill lang, puso nyo. let's take a class on sarcasm 101 shall we? though the article is fantastic, the comments here stole its thunder! 🙂
saba dra mura mn kag brayt..!!
haha. sagdai xa. kay gikalipayan ra.
satire daw po. teka baka magalit yung may sabing satire to. hahaha
sarcasm or satire. effective ang article.
Good job author! I'm pro-life but your article was deceiving (for some…or even a lot!!) :))
Nag-aral ba ng lit nung high school yung iba dito? Alam n'yo yung tinatawag na satire? Kung hindi, please, do search for it. Please. Nang maliwanagan kayo. 😀
unfortunately hindi lahat ng public highschool nagtuturo ng Shakespeare at mga lit na sinasabi mo.
At hindi rin naman lahat ng nagnegative comment dito sa post ay nag-aral sa public highschool.
wahhh d q alam ung salitang SATIRE pero bkt nagets q ung author?? hahahaha
Sarcasm or not, hindi ako naniniwala sa'yo. May sarili akong pag-iisip at kung ano para sa akin ang tama ay iyon ang gagawin ko.
E di wag, wala namang namilit sayo e.
kinginang troll ka. hahaha
omg. perhaps we should add "sarcasm education" in our formal education. Some Filipinos clearly don't appreciate satires. great article by the way!
one talks, everyone talk. nobody listens.
its satire Goddamnit.
hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaha