I used to support the RH Bill. I no longer do. By the end of this document, neither would you. I have not supported the RH Bill since I attended a lecture in Megamall about the truth behind it. That lecture truly enlightened me. My only hope is that this holy light of enlightenment passes through your monitor screen, into your optical nerves, and into your heart so it can touch your soul (because the soul is in the heart). My intent here is not to antagonize Pro-RH people, but to enlighten – so listen up, you narrow-minded morons. Open your minds to the real truth…
The RH Bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction, because, at its very core, the RH Bill is an extension of a secret, global conspiracy – a western attempt – to implement principles of eugenics on unsuspecting, inferior populations in order to exclude them from the human evolutionary process, at the end of which would, at the apex, summon forth THE MASTER RACE. Anyone who failed to see this after the lecture is ignorant. I advise him or her to do his or her research, better yet, do some soul-searching to discover the real truth, because the truth is in our hearts, we just have to listen to it.
Initially, my layman’s interpretation of the RH Bill led me to think that it was just a bill meant to help educate the uninformed about ways to prevent them from fornicating their way to a very bad financial situation. My ignorant mind devised 10 simple points as to why the RH Bill was right.
I thought:
1. The minimum wage – the lowest an employer can pay an employee – of a non-agricultural Filipino worker is P404.
2. If there were 20 working days in a month (because most people don’t work on the weekend), the average minimum-wage-earning Filipino would earn around P8,000 a month.
3. Let’s call that person, Joey. If Joey, like other human beings, ate food on a regular basis, he will spend around P70/day on food (and that’s a very, very conservative assumption). There are 30 days in a month, so I guess, that would amount to P2,100 a month.
4. But if Joey had a wife that he loved, he might want to feed her too. Feeding her would cost another P2,100 a month.
5. P8,000 – P4,200 = P3,800
6. If Joey and his wife rented a home, or used electricity and bathed from time to time, the amount left from Joey’s salary would be significantly reduced. Let’s say their utility bills and rent amounted to P1800.
7. P3,800 – P1800 = P2,000
8. P2,000 is a lot of money, but I don’t think Joey and his wife should have more than 3 children, right? I mean, I don’t have children, but just by looking at one, I can safely assume that they cost more than P1,000/month. Babies need milk, diapers, toys, immunity injections, baby medicine…
9. From this I deduced that babies cost money. If babies cost money, I theorized that having more babies would cost more money. And from this data, I observed that a person who spent a lot of money on children, but didn’t earn a lot of money, would soon be broke and unable to provide for both himself and his children. Another word for this broke situation is poverty.
10. I theorized that a person can avoid being poor by making less babies. So, I thought that steps should be taken to inform people about this very little known fact. I also thought that the government should make contraceptives accessible so that people who don’t earn a lot can properly manage the little resources that they have. That’s why I supported the RH Bill.
But now I know that I was wrong. And here are some of the reasons why I know that. By the way, before I continue, I must say that this is the truth, guys. In fact, it’s more than the truth. It’s the Catholic truth, which means that it’s truer and more true than the regular truth.
I know that the issue of the RH Bill is not a religious issue, but make sure you pay attention if you want your soul to be saved. Here are some of the things I learned from the lecture I learned:
“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that the Philippines is overpopulated.”
I agree. I, myself, have observed that the Philippine is NOT overpopulated. In fact, if you use your common sense and think about it, you will realize a few things:
1. We are not overpopulated! Look at the mountains, the jungles, the caves and the ocean floor. There are no people there!
2. If we were really overpopulated, we would have trouble travelling. But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people.
3. Students in public schools are well educated because the teacher to student ratio is very low. In fact, because of our low population the government can basically guarantee that all public school students are provided books, notebooks and other school supplies.
“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that contraceptives are good for mankind and women.”
1. I agree, the RH Bill is not good for women because it might draw a woman away from her one, true, universal purpose – the uninterrupted production of healthy babies.
2. Furthermore, the role of women in society and the universe is to make babies. That’s why God made women. That’s their sole purpose in life. They’re not good for anything else. Ever wonder why there are no women in the clergy? Because they’re not good enough.
3. Contraceptives would allow women to enjoy the benefits of physical intimacy while maintaining a successful and productive career, if she so chooses. That is so wrong. Only men should be able to enjoy that privilege.
4. Women should get pregnant every single time they have sex and only immoral women enjoy sex without the possibility of conception. In fact, a better alternative would be for women, in general, to follow the example made by Mother Mary – to learn how to conceive without having sex.
“The RH bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction!”
1. I agree. If we pass the RH bill, we will become extinct, like dinosaurs. The dinosaurs are all dead. If we don’t want to be extinct, we should not pass the RH Bill. I mean, do you really want to be a dinosaur?
2. In my opinion, it wouldn’t even be far-fetched to speculate that the most probable reason the dinosaurs became extinct was because they used contraceptives.
3. Population decline is just bad for nations. Just look at the countries which have a declining population – Italy, Japan and Singapore. They’re in such a bad shape. The Philippines obviously has a better economy and has a higher literacy rate than these countries. In fact, many Italians, Japanese, and Singaporeans go to the Philippines for work. That only goes to show that a decline in population is bad for the economy.
“Our population is our biggest asset!”
1. In my opinion, people should make as many babies as they can because the population is not a problem. In fact, the more babies a person has, the more assets he has. Forget real estate properties, stock investments, or Jollibee franchises. The real secret to increased wealth is babies.
2. If you have 15 babies, you’re practically wealthy because babies are assets:
2.1 If you need money, you can sell them.
2.2 If you can keep them alive until they can walk, they can one day beg for money in the streets – they’re going to have to anyway because there’s no way in hell you’ll be able to provide for all of them on your own.
3. If ever a person is not able to feed the 15 babies he made, it’s the governments fault, because it’s the governments sole responsibility to make sure that every Filipino baby is fed.
4. The best way a person can contribute to his country is to contribute to its population.
“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that reproductive education and contraceptives will effectively reduce cases of abortion.”
1. Reproductive/contraceptive education will have no effect on the number of abortion cases. In my opinion, these abortion cases will not lessen because women will continue to have abortions regardless of whether they are pregnant or not.
2. Abortions cannot be prevented. It’s just something that women naturally do. Like shopping, for example.
“The RH Bill is wrong because it will make people participate in extra-marital and pre-marital sex.”
1. By approving the RH Bill, we as a nation, are practically encouraging our people to engage in immoral activities.
2. We must protect our moral values and reject the RH Bill. Because, currently, not a single Filipino engages in pre-marital sex or extra-marital sex. As soon as this bill is approved, Filipino people will run the streets naked and start a national orgy!
3. The root cause of extra-marital and pre-marital sex is one’s exposure to contraceptives. There is just something in contraceptives that people find very arousing.
4. In Western countries, men lure strange women into bed by showing them condoms.
5. If we ban condoms, absolutely no one would engage in pre-marital or extra-marital sex.
“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that parents don’t teach their children about sex.”
1. The truth is that parents talk to their children about sex all the time. It’s so not awkward. The dad usually tells his children how he takes off all his clothes, does a sexy Tiger growl and makes sweet, sweet music with their mother’s body.
2. Also, a father usually advises his daughter that if she’s going to have sex with her boyfriend, she should use a condom. Sometimes the father even drives the daughter to the boyfriend’s house and waits for the couple to finish.
3. Filipino daughters don’t have sex without the father’s permission. Unwanted pregnancies or teen pregnancies never happen to Filipino girls. That’s why we do not need the RH Bill.
“The RH Bill is a conspiracy.”
1. It’s lies, all lies!
“The RH Bill is wrong because the priest said so, and priests are never wrong.”
The biggest reason why we should not pass the RH Bill is because the priests told us that we shouldn’t. As anyone should know, priests, men of the clergy, should be the authority on sexual and reproductive matters because they have the most knowledge and experience with sex and reproduction. They are true sexperts – legendary masters of erotic affairs. If you are a real Catholic, you would do everything they say, because they’re always right.
people are getting upset by this? HAHAHA ignorant fools.
Before you post a comment, make sure you follow the steps:
1. Read the article thoroughly. It is recommended to continue reading after the first three paragraphs.
2. Wait for the brain to process. Variable effect.
3. *Laugh/Snicker at the satirical article.
4. Wait for dimwits to post their linear understanding of the satirical article.
5. Enjoy.
*If you were not amused, kindly repeat step 1.
Love the satirical take on RH Bill…reminds me of CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters. 🙂
hahahaha thats was a good read. i dig the sarcasm.
sa mga hindi naka gets — ewan ko nalang …
Just love yourself,,, and love the people around you… in that case, you wouldn’t want your love ones to struggle in deprivation…we’re the only one to decide for ourselves,,, the church nor the government should only focus on their role as mandated by the rule of man and rule of God….
LOL
I do not support the RH bill but your arguments are flawed. Check your facts dude. The Philippines is not overpopulated; there is simply uneven distribution of people. In what lightyear was the traffic in Edsa light? Moreover, you are being very sexist by saying that the sole purpose of women is to give birth.
DUUUUUUUUUDE. What gives? He was being very sardonic about this. ;p
Again, this article is a SATIRE.
I'm confused. On the one hand, he says he's not a supporter of the RH Bill. On the other, he just made the point for the author.
Well. In a much, much lighter (and more pleasurable) note, yay horny people. Hahaha.
People, people, people! The author is being SARCASTIC. It's funny. Try reading it AGAIN, but next time with an open mind.
to all you smart people (like me 😀 ) who understand what satire is and who understand and appreciate this article for what it really is, don't go about bashing our fella citizens (who don't have a clue what satire is) with foul language now… you correct their mistakes gently by letting them know about what just went on with the article and what the truth of the matter is. if not… then you're no better than the shitty know-it-all that you let yourself be perceived….. FUCKING ARROGANT PINHEADS!!! oops ok so i have a mean streak in me too hehehe sorrryyyy. Overall though, we pro RH bill backers should laud this author for generating so much noise on the matter. Read the Bill before making a stand. Godspeed!
The comments of those who didn't get the article were funny. I got a good laugh on comments of both Rashine and Grace. lol 😀
Haaay. Yung mga nag post ng comment who didn't get the humor is really a roundhouse kick in the head on our educational system. Mga kapatid, LEARN to DISCERN. Bago nyo ibaon ang author, please, read books by Jessica Zafra, or watch Jon Stewart. Susme. I'm beginning to think the root of all the confusion with the RH Bill is education itself.
" I'm beginning to think the root of all the confusion with the RH Bill is education itself."
It is. If people were more informed about the statistics of overpopulation and poverty, on the benefits of contraception and its economic impact (especially in First World countries), instead of just blindly adhering to Catholic dogma and the campaign of misinformation that they are propagating, I think we'd have passed this bill already.
OMG!! Sarcasm, people, SARCASM! nakakatawa yung article, pero mas nakakaaliw yung mga comments. PATULAN daw ba yung ocean floor?! bukod sa sex ed, kelangan din siguro ituro ang SARCASM sa skwela.
Some readers didn't read the whole article and just did rage comments. His article is pure sarcasm! He's a supporter of the RH bill.
This is a good article gone wrong… I specifically do not agree to the last justification. Priests can commit mistakes. They are human..prone to error..they are not God. I am saying this with respect.
…and the author's saying these with sarcasm.
Is this guy delusional or what???
:1. We are not overpopulated! Look at the mountains, the jungles, the caves and the ocean floor. There are no people there!
2. If we were really overpopulated, we would have trouble travelling. But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people.
3. Students in public schools are well educated because the teacher to student ratio is very low. In fact, because of our low population the government can basically guarantee that all public school students are provided books, notebooks and other school supplies."
THESE ARE ALL WRONG? WHICH COUNTRY DO YOU LIVE IN IDIOT?
my bad. i did not immediately see through the satire. kudos to the author!
😉
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Too bad we don't have a "delete comment" here huh 😉
do read the comments section before you make a dumb one.
these are just sarcasms… of course they are wrong. tinry niya kunwari mag explain ng points ng anti-RH bill and in the process it proves na mali ang mga anti dahil baluktot ang reasons tulad niyan.
yeah. i agree with you..
mr/mr/mrs writer.. look at the facts dude..
sarcastic.inconsistent
OMG you guys are epic. :))
ignorant author check your facts first. peste kung ano ano pang maling sinasabi marami tuloy nagiinit ulo sayo
Seriously? Tongue-in-cheek, honey. Don't go off attacking the author. Hahaha. He's merely making fun of the fags who disagree with the RH Bill. ;p Why don't you go look for your brain? I think you ditched it somewhere after the first sentence of this article. ;p
Baka sa mga tulad mo Carol kaya nag-iinit ang mga ulo ng tao dito. ROFL. :))
uhm bling, calling the pro-RH fags makes you a moron yourself.
Lol & calling me a moron makes you thrice the moron you supposed that I was 😉
Yeah, let's not use the word "fags". It's disrespectful to the actual fags. :/
Yung mga nagbabasa nito at hindi naiintindihan na ito ay satire ang nakakainit ng ulo.
carol, bago magreact, magbasa at umintindi…
I don't agree that population control is the solution. People really are our greatest export (especially after Agrarian Reform completely killed that industry). Overseas remittances are saving our economy. I think the solution lies not with the passing of this bill but in efforts in trying to convert our unproductive population to a productive one. We need to improve our education system and cut down the overpricing scams and other corrupt practices in the DOE that are plaguing our children. We need change the focus of our education system to directly relate it with real life skills and encourage entrepreneurial spirit to increase jobs. Instead of focusing on how to alleviate the poor, which at times is like filling a black hole, I think we should concentrate efforts in supporting our struggling, almost non-existing working class. Because we are sitting on a social volcano…the moment the middle class is erased there WILL be a violent revolution.
All that being said, I still do support the RH bill (yes, I've read it). Not because of population control implications but because I believe every woman should have an informed choice and that our children (and parents like me) are mature enough to be able to handle sex ed classes without having to pleasure themselves after hearing the word "sex"..
The funny part is that IMHO, after all this hawing and jawing, I fear the bill itself will be ineffective in curbing population because it has no teeth. It merely is about educating the people about contraceptives and sex, and providing government support for this education. But the poor will continue to want to have babies in spite of this. From their point of view, it is the best social security system and is worth the risk. What are the chances of having 1 "jackpot" OFW child who can support the rest of his/her family? 1 is to 8? 1 is to 10? Those are better chances than what they are currently facing now, so of course they'll take it. THIS is why there is a vicious cycle of poverty, not because of any bill that Congress will pass.
nice thoughts. thanks for sharing 🙂
ayaw kong maging dinosaur!
ROTFL *coughchokewheezecough* MFAO
at first, i thought the article was anti-RH Bill coz' I myself is a supporter of the RH Bill, but as I read through to the last parts of the article I know that it was just pure sarcasm of being an Anti-RH Bill. the funny part is, that some of the commenter's really took the articles very seriously. didn't they get that the article was just being pure sarcasm to the anti-supporters of the RH Bill?! LOL! they do sure as hell are funny.
dun sa mga di naka-gets…naisip nyo bang sarcasm lang lahat nang ito??? sa mga comments nyo feeling nyo napaka talino nyo ah! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
di nka gets? ok na sarcasm to ah, nag effort ang gumawa, anyway, we have the freedom of speech! so? anu problema mo? wala ka lang masabe, anti-RH ka kc! a-hole
"so listen up, you narrow-minded morons" — UY PINAPATAMAAN SARILI. WHAT IS VAIN KUYA? :))
You made me laugh, kid. Priceless. Hahaha.
It's a nice way to attack at a highly significant societal issue. But I was expecting more from us, the readers. Instead of merely liking the article or fighting over sarcasm and stupidity, why not say something relevant as well? Ako, iniisip ko pa kung anong sasabihin. Kaya ito muna. hahaha
I know a lot of people here are witty, you probably go to premiere schools pero sana naman may substance din mga reply natin. Share something to your fellow readers. let's do some intellectual discussion. Feeling ko at some point, gusto ng author na magsolicit ng thoughts natin. So bigyan natin ng hustisya ung article. Para rint mas exciting. O game.
there are some comments with "substance" you just have to dig through the garbage.
you made me feel bad about my abortion comment…I'm over it now, Good luck with what you are trying to achieve here. :p
may laman naman ung iyo 🙂 pero majority kasi wala.haha di enough ung lunch break ko para basahin mga reply na nagaaway lang naman kung sarcastic ba ito o hindi. sayang naman.
Like!
Abortion = if you didn't get it, your mom should have had one.
Sigh.
If only we could eradicate the idiots from our population. But that would be Hitleresque and very bad.
This is why we need the RH bill. They are procreating and multiplying right now as I type! Condom, people, condom!
i'm terribly sorry to generalize but why do the replies here make it seem that we Filipinos don't take sarcasm very well? hahaha
coz all we know are slaptick humor..the tito, vic & joey kinf of humor. ugh.
I thought this article was serious (I raged at the womankind part) until I got to the extinction part.
I applaud you sir for this troll column and wonderful usage of sarcasm to drive home a point. *standing ovation*
Er. I'm probably an idiot for not being able to detect the sarcasm. My parents should've used contraceptives so that they didn't produce a stupid child, tsk! WOO PLEASE SUPPORT THE RH BILL Y'ALL!
Wow. A real IQ test to weed out the dummies. Spot them if you can. Sorry, mate, as funny as your article was (no pun intended), the real hilarity is in the comments section.
Loved the article. Sad how some people took it too seriously, and they got attacked for it. I will admit to having misinterpreted a few satires in the past myself…..so let's not be too harsh on those who didn't get the idea behind the article.
I disagree. When people are shown to be holding wrong views, they can just shut all communication with the magic words "let's just agree to disagree". The whole point of the article is to show anti-RH people that the views they hold are in fact embarrassingly absurd.
You may have a point in saying that people would conclude most discussions with "let's just agree to disagree" when they fail to convince each other that one's side is right, or one is better than the other. However, the matter at hand is more than just a debate about preference or opinion. This is of national importance. Instead of avoiding intellectual discussions where we predict tired anti-RH protesters would just throw in the towel and "agree to disagree", we should pursue these instead. This unhealthy attitude of Filipinos towards intellectual debate should not deter us from logical argument. Just because this general temperament exists doesn't mean we are unable to change it and that satires are more effective in getting our points across. We should push for our cause more each day and try to avoid spiting them.
hahahaha this is priceless! Too bad sarcasm doesn't translate well in most medium.
I think it was a bad attempt at being satirical herself. Or maybe not, in which case wow that is kind of sad.
at kahit pareho kayong lalaki, pwede rin mabuntis kayo! ganyan kalakas ang kapangyarihan ng diyos!
kung ang birhen napapabuntis nya, e lalaki pa kaya 🙂
“…priests are never wrong.”
–> They are still humans. They are not perfect so you can't say they are NEVER wrong. LOL! Think.
Go to wikipedia.com, search for the word "sarcasm" then study it very, very well.
YOU think.
Nice one author! I actually got caught at the first parts of the article and later realized the satire when I was reading all of it. Good job author!
parang mas natawa ako sa mga comments hahahaha
you forgot to mention that we might get a massive earthquake and tsunami like japan as well, as quoted by whatshisname in wheresthatchurch :))
“Ayokong isipin pero hindi ko ma-help i-connect yung disaster sa Japan doon sa facts na ang tagal-tagal na nilang nagaabortion at may policy on population control.”
so sad that other people didn't get it
I don't know what's funnier, the article itself or the people ranting about how wrong the "facts" stated are. 😀
Anyway, well written article sir. 🙂
HINDI TRAFFIC SA EDSA??????????? MAGANDA ANG QUALITY NG PAGTUTURO SA PUBLIC SCHOOLS???????????? HINDI SIKSIKAN SA MRT?????????????????
SAAN KA BA NAGTATRABAHO?? SAAN KA NAKATIRA??? MAY KOTSE KA SIGURADO!! T*NG*NA NAPUNTAHAN MO NA BA LAHAT NG LUGAR SA PILIPINAS PARA MASABI MONG MAGANDA ANG EDUKASYON SA PUBLIC SCHOOLS????
AT T*NGA KA RIN, DAHIL WALANG TUMITIRA SA BUNDOK, KWEBA, AT LALO NA SA OCEAN FLOOR!!!!! T*NGA!!!! IKAW KAYA ANG TUMIRA DUN, MAY RH BILL MAN O WALA SA TINGIN KO HINDI KA MABUBUHAY DUN DAHIL SA MRT PA LANG, WALA KA NG ALAM!!!
YOUR POST IS STUPID.. HOW ABOUT THE NON-CATHOLICS WHO DOESN"T SHARE THESE SAME BELIEFS AND WANT TO BENEFIT FROM THIS BILL, HUH? DON'T YOU THINK IT'S UNFAIR??????
epic anger. epic effort. epic fail.
hahaha. korek. naka capslock pa! CAPSLOCK UNLEASH THE FURY!:D
Please read it again specially the last paragraph. Tapos aralin mo ibig sabihin ng sarcasm. Sumusuka ka ng katangahan in all caps. Tapos magbigti ka na.
Please reread the article and try not to take it too seriously. Also, readt through the otehr comments as well.
@Garz: Confirmed! Isa ka sa mga bumoto kay noynoy. LOL
tsss walang personalan
hay.. isa pang tanga…
Kalma lang, koya.
Haaay nako… I just have to copy/paste this comment for people who do not realize what this means…
You should have realized by now its a form of sarcasm the writer is doing. He is writing for him to make us intendedly realize the opposite.
dude…sarcasm. di klaro?
F*CK. Hindi ko binasa ng buo. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I GET IT NOW.
Nyahaha!!! >=)))) Chill lang Garz. Sarcasm to.
wihihihihihi.. nakakatawa naman, may kasama na si Rashine Palma na nag effort…
sabi nga ng kasama ko, sarcasm failed – RO.
fail troll is fail
anti christ mn gud ka….!!
i doubt kung dawaton kang taning kung mamatay ka pg napasa ang rh bill…
ky wla mo kblo unsa jud sulod anang rh bill..
bulok nga ilaga!!!
bobey. HAHA
IDOL NA KITA GARZ!
Lol how can one be that dumb and not get the sarcasm after the 1st/2nd paragraph?
Yet another prime example of why we should have an RH law.
Ever heard of sarcasm? Well I guess not, My suggestion is that you ought to check back the article and google "sarcasm" at the same time before you go rampaging.
hi garz. you're really correct. hindi niya alam ang mga un. let's educate him. 🙂
go back to your college writing classes! you're anger is out of your ignorance. this article is a satire. search for it, that's why we have google. 😀 take this reply as you're chance to LEARN something new. you clearly don't understand anything out of this article. good luck to you
Haayy. Mukhang nasira na keyboard mo, napahiya ka pa garz. Konting karunungan naman jan.
*facepalm*
hahahahaha!!!
Kakampi ka na nga ng author, inaway mo pa. Sana inintindi mo muna mabuti kung ano talaga yung punto ng author bago ka nagpaka-self righteous dyan.
*don't :))
Just to lessen the aggravation you've caused to other readers.
Idol kita Garz. Panalo!
ui garz, sobrang gets ko yung sarcasm mo! nice one! apir!
sira ata CAPS LOCK.
Amazing.
Utol ka rin ni Rashin?
Pro RH yung author.. LIKE YOU.. inaawai mo pa.
Contestant #1 RASHINE!
Contestant#2 GARZ!
THIS IS BULLSHIT
hahaha MoTwister…it's funny actually 🙂
OH MY GOD SUPER NATAWA AKO SA LAST PARAGRAPH. LEGENDARY MASTER OF EROTIC AFFAIRS =)))))))))))))))))))
hay.. ang daming tanga!
Brilliant!
Well-written satire. Good job!
And may I emphasize, people: SATIRE. (as this was really lost on some people)
Liee, you find the most interesting articles online…had fun reading this one. 🙂
I almost didn't stop laughing, Ha ha! Ang galing ng punchlines! Sarcasm does have its use. parang latigo sa CBCP ang ganito. Yey!
Ah, di yata nakuha nung iba yung point. Wag kasi puro tabloidsd ang binibili sa umaga, nakaka apekto yan sa common sense.
Hi Eman!!!
I think he could've been a bit more responsible in publishing this cos some people will take this seriously and might cite him as a reference for the Anti-RH campaign. Just sayin'.
Ira