The Big Bang Theory

I took the lyrics of the song The Big Bang Theory and tried to write a line after each of the song’s lines. The original lyrics are in normal type while my lines are in italics.

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THE BIG BANG THEORY

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state
A singularity – you can’t predict its fate
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait…
Space-time became a growing estate
The Earth began to cool
And formed the primordial pool
The autotrophs began to drool
Helped produce our fossil fuel
Neanderthals developed tools
Placed the beasts under their rule
We built a wall (we built the pyramids)
And scaled them like we’re arachnids
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries
As well as mankind’s glory and all that misery
That all started with the big bang!

“Since the dawn of man” is really not that long
A lot has happened before we came along
As every galaxy was formed in less time than it takes to sing this song
(In one of them we happen to belong)
A fraction of a second and the elements were made
The stars and planets then came in cascade
The bipeds stood up straight
Tried new positions when they mate
The dinosaurs all met their fate
Just like the animals they ate
They tried to leap but they were late
Imagine jumping with all that weight!
And they all died (they froze their asses off)
While the furry mammals merely coughed

The oceans and pangea
Tibet and Himalayas
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya
Saying all this blah blah
Set in motion by the same big bang!
It all started with the big bang!

It’s expanding ever outward but one day
Gravity will make it sway
It will cause the stars to go the other way
And bring to mankind a great dismay
Collapsing ever inward, we won’t be here, it won’t be hurt
What will be left is only our dirt
Our best and brightest figure that it’ll make an even bigger bang!

Australopithecus would really have been sick of us
Wondering what’s all the fuss
Debating out while here they’re catching deer (we’re catching viruses)
They really needed good irises
Religion or astronomy, Encarta, Deuteronomy
Chemistry, biology, philosophy, theology
It all started with a big bang!

Music and mythology, Einstein and astrology
The proletariat and the bourgeoisie fighting over a decree
It all started with the big bang!
It all started with the big BANG!