The RH bill is dead. Many of us hope that the next year is our year. Many of us blame the Church for killing it, and we may be partially right. However, I that I think we have failed to acknowledge the fact that ultimately, the RH bill is about sex, and it is our attitudes about sex, particularly, the role of sex in a woman’s life, that is really what’s in the way of getting this bill passed.
How does society view women and sex? The Philippines is one of the most progressive countries in the world when it comes to equal employment of women; however, we still view sex and women in a very limited way. Our very traditional society treats women as innocent fragile creatures that need to be cared for and protected, or as old maternal figures that need to be respected. This is great to some extent, because women get first dibs on MRT seats; doors get opened; also, women are generally accepted as leaders in the workplace. However, these traditional images do not really allow for a lot of sex. The innocent, fragile archetype is expected to pray a lot, be good, and be a virgin until marriage. The maternal figures is, well, a mother. Sex is viewed in the limited context of these two archetypes – a newlywed virgin making babies; a married woman wanting more babies. Outside of these two scenarios, the imagination goes to the Katrina Halilis, Carrie Bradshaws or fun, fearless females of Cosmo – irresponsible, slutty single women who are asking for it. There is no room in between. Sex is only viewed as either a baby-making activity or the sinful hobby of whorish women. I need to state the obvious, I guess – it is not.
This limited definition of sex and its role in a woman’s life is at the root of most, if not all opposition against the RH bill. A lot of us have debated about what is or what is not an abortifacent when the true opposition is not to the tools of contraception but to the act of having baby-free sex. It implies the absence of consequences for a perceived sin. It is feared that if women have sex freely, immorality will destroy the very fiber of society; that somehow, if women had free rein to satisfy their libido, we will be the next Sodom and Gomorrah (I mean, who cares what men do, right?). What Will the Whores Do? (WWWD ™)
Of course, this also relates to the new favorite anti-RH discussion about financing birth control and sex ed in this country. It makes the opposition look like fiscal conservatives while hiding their true sexist nature. In truth, the same people questioning funding for reproductive health services will likely not question funding for cancer research or for respiratory illnesses or for pediatrics. Somehow, they have viewed reproductive health as frivolous, probably like cosmetic surgery. At the root is the view that sex is a luxury; childbirth is easy. Let’s forget the fact that babies are born every minute out of human vaginas. It seems like we will be funding the sluts of this country, giving them the tools to be irresponsible and even healing them afterwards. Abstinence is the answer, right? We don’t need to fund abstinence.
This article is not just a reproach to opposition but also an invitation for everyone to examine your own views about sex in society. What do you really mean when you say you’re pro-RH? Do you think there is such a thing as sex without consequences? What do you mean when you say you’re pro-RH but anti-abortion? How can you be pro-RH when you’re anti-RH bill? What do you really mean when you’re qualifying what you think should be allowed and what is not?
Lastly, I leave you with this: the birth control pill has changed society and has expanded the realm of what’s possible for women around the world. The pill has allowed women the freedom to work and to achieve fulfillment outside the family. It has doubled household incomes. More women are educated now than they ever were before. The collective contribution of the recent generations of women to the wellness and development of the world is astounding, all because they were free to have sex when they choose without having to give birth, allowing them to plan for education and jobs and eventually, families. The true meaning of choice – having a say in your own destiny and choosing to have sex without being imprisoned by the body you live in –is overwhelming. Just ask any of the women looking for so-called abortifacents in Quiapo. Do you think that quibbling over the science of zygotes or the fiscal implications of this bill is worth the lives of millions of Filipino women robbed of this choice?
I enjoy reading thought-provoking content. That's why I enjoyed reading this article. It helps that I share many of the views of this writer. This is truly an engaging, smart and informative article. Thank you.
[…] Women, Sex and the RH Bill: Understanding the real reason for the opposition […]
As usual, a very excellent post. Keep 'em coming!!
Thank you very much for writing this article. I have been using birth control pills for over three years now, and am one of those girls who's, shall we say, not ignorant with no-strings-attached sex. I've only had three partners in my entire life, two of which were my fuckbuddies (not at the same time), and while one eventually became my boyfriend, the other one still remains a good friend of mine.
In public, it is not in my manner to act provocatively or promiscuously and I feel that my personality is well-respected by my friends, most of which are male. Only four of my close friends knew about the nature of my sex life and three of them have not changed their treatment towards me and we even became closer because we can discuss these things. The other one, incidentally the only freethinker among the four, was the only one who called me a slut.
For me, sex is a pleasure and a stress-reliever. It may be a result of, but I do not equate it to LOVE. I know that this kind of thinking from a woman will garner a whole lot of disapproval from a whole lot of people, especially here in this country. But although I am not ashamed of it, I am not particularly proud of it. It just is.
Again, thank you very much for writing this article. Like like like! ^_^
I appreciate the openness Sathepine, and I don't think it's my right to criticize your sex life.
In my case, I'll probably die a virgin T_T
What an asshole that one friend of yours was. I mean, yeah I know he was me, but seriously, what an asshole.
Incidentally, some freethinkers are indeed asses.
Yes, we freethinkers can be assholes sometimes, but at least it's not because the Bible told us to be so. LOL
@frank
Argh! Why did you admit it was you? My point was that out of FOUR people (1 girl, 3 guys), only ONE called me a slut, meaning (hopefully) I have established enough respect with them to not be viewed as a slut by all four (which was what I was expecting, at least from the girl). Or maybe they just didn't have the guts to call me that to my face? Hehehe. The freethinker thing was for effect LOL
@Twin-Skies
Because I wrote that comment for public view, it's open to judgment. Everyone's free to criticize and are entitled to their opinion. There may even be people who THINK that it should be right but then secretly FEEL that is it wrong. It's ingrained in Filipinos to feel that females should be conservative, should respect their bodies, etc. In the Philippine setting, I'm definitely not the normal female. But I'm pretty sure I'd make a very normal male hehehe.
I didn't say your lifestyle is wrong. On the contrary, I admire your courage for talking about it so openly. That took balls (in a manner of speaking).
Hehehe thanks ^_^
I think what we do during our private time doesn't matter much. I think what really matters is our public deeds, like how we treat our friends, our regard for others, how we carry ourselves, etc. If a girl were to constantly act provocatively around males she would probably be labeled a slut even if she were totally celibate.
"If a girl were to constantly act provocatively around males she would probably be labeled a slut even if she were totally celibate."
Fair enough 🙂
Much in the same way that that a guy would be labelled a horny corndog if he's constantly flirting or viewing porn in public.
…bugger, I think I just projected myself 🙁
@twin
so you're saying that you are a horny corndog only in public?? ^_^
sometimes, it's like a fart…. those who are silent are the deadly type…
@sathephine
i agree with twin, it takes two big brass one for a female to publicly states that she have fuckbuddies and for some reason, they are more believable than when guys says the same thing…
While stumbling around the interwebs, I came across a blog post titled "The Myth of Sexual Purity" (link: http://assassingrl.wordpress.com/2010/02/05/the-m… This are the lines that I liked the most:
"Women, when religious leaders demand that you remain pure, ask “WHY?” When your political leaders demand that you be virtuous, ask “WHY?” When your fathers, uncles, and brothers demand that you remain a virgin until they can marry you to a man twice your age, ask “WHY?”
Any answer that ties your sexual purity to your morality or your worth as a human being is the WRONG ANSWER."
Thank you very much for writing this article. I have been using birth control pills for over three years now, and am one of those girls who's, shall we say, not ignorant with no-strings-attached sex. I've only had three partners in my entire life, two of which were my fuckbuddies (not at the same time), and while one eventually became my boyfriend, the other one still remains a good friend of mine.
In public, it is not in my manner to act provocatively or promiscuously and I feel that my personality is well-respected by my friends, most of which are male. Only four of my close friends knew about the nature of my sex life and three of them have not changed their treatment towards me and we even became closer because we can discuss these things. The other one, incidentally the only freethinker among the four, was the only one who called me a slut.
For me, sex is a pleasure and a stress-reliever. It may be a result of, but I do not equate it to LOVE. I know that this kind of thinking from a woman will garner a whole lot of disapproval from a whole lot of people, especially here in this country. But although I am not ashamed of it, I am not particularly proud of it. It just is.
Again, thank you very much for writing this article. Like like like! ^_^
The problem with the Philippines, is that, some people think that women are stupid and will just open their legs to anybody when there is contraception, or one will just have sex like a whore or an animal in heat..This is really ignorance and a product of our past belief and religion.
This kind of thinking is very dangerous in our society. One reason we will never see the Philippines as a successful nation but a land of slaves and maids..quantity not quality.
@Sinister
Thank you for the post – it's refreshing to hear the voice of the demographic most likely to be affected by the RH Bill.
As for my personal stance on late-term abortions: I am personally against the act, and I do consider it to be morally wrong. However, I also understand that it is the lesser evil in certain scenarios, and while nobody wants to have to see an abortion, sometimes, it truly is the only choice left.
Burying one's head in the ground is not only stupidity worthy of a severe beating – it's a willful ignorance that endangers the life of the expectant mother.
And what really, really gets my goat is that there is no real cost to the dumbfucks who cries "abortion is murder!" when said said mom is denied a potentially life-saving procedure. It's just them masturbating their moral superiority, with no real benefits whatsoever. THAT, I believe, is true evil.
You also hit the nail on the head regarding the Philippine's sexism. It's always dumbfounded me why when it comes to debauchery, we always seem to blame the woman, especially given that almost all rape cases here are perpetrated by males. Even our laws regarding extramarital affairs are stacked in the man's favor.
It's sickening, to say that least.
And then there are those idiots who blame the woman for dressing provocatively. I have started telling people like them that by their logic, I should punch them in the face, because, "y'know, they're just asking for it by being a dick."
So what exactly the real reason for the opposition? Sex and the attempt to use the force of the law. The government has no right to intervene and control each individual choices in this particular sex. The ONLY function of the government is to protect and preserve that free individual choices whether that free choices enhances or detrimental to his/her own individual life. So, legislating an objective law should be based on that premise.
"The ONLY function of the government is to protect and preserve that free individual choices whether that free choices enhances or detrimental to his/her own individual life."
I actually disagree with this, so that is a separate discussion. The RH bill is not the battleground for this economic concept of yours. To actually implement it is to also go against the concept of social security, providing public goods, and other public services that the government provides. What I find objectionable is that people of the same belief as you think that somehow reproductive services are the only service that the government should NOT provide, which I think shows inherent negative bias against women and misunderstanding of reproductive health.
Wow. This article hit me like a boulder over my head.Let me detail my personal stance. I consider myself an atheist with very strong leftist leanings and am an active proponent of the RH and Anti-Discrimination bills. With the right mix of people [read: people who have publicly articulated their support], I can be a very outspoken defender of these two bills. When in and among my regular social milieu however, I find it very awkward to talk about topics with heavy sexual overtones. This of course leads to much difficulty when discussing topics like the RH bill to cultural conservatives and moderates.
Some of my friends in the field of community work occasionally feel the same way when talking to people who are not perceived to be open-minded or receptive to sexual topics, because of the notion that sexuality is a taboo topic in Philippine culture. I guess it's a matter of redefining the construction of sexuality in our society?
Nice article! You're right, a lot of the problems stem from our Madonna-whore complex– women are either "pure" or sluts. Women are defined not by their character or accomplishments — the way men are — but why and with whom they sleep with. (In fact, I know a lot of girls who got knocked up because they didn't want to think about birth control because then they would be *those* kinds of girls, and so when they do have sex, they're caught completely unprepared.) This is the archaic, misogynist thinking we have to get rid of if we're to progress as human beings.