Me: Hey Jesus, did you hear about that photo of a certain Maike Domingo, of a girl in shorts who posed in a sexy-ish manner on the cross?
Jesus: Oh hello. Haven’t chatted with you in a while. But yeah, of course I know about it. I’m all-knowing remember? So even before she had the impulse to do that, I already knew she would do it.
Me: Then surely you also know about the 1,106 (and growing) comments on the photo — a lot of them calling the girl stupid, blasphemous, vulgar and so on?
Me: Well, since you’re obviously the object of blasphemy, and these commenters are defending the honor and sanctity of the cross, what can you say about it?
Jesus: Oh, I already said something two thousand years ago about those without sin casting the first stone, but the people casting the stones don’t really think it applies to them. Also, I don’t see anything blasphemous about the photo. The girl was just having fun, and she looked pretty decent. Although she may be a bit attention-starved as some of the comments implied, but that’s no excuse for calling on her to be stoned or to be nailed herself.
Me: The way these people are talking, they seem to think that you’re all fuming and foaming at the mouth up there in heaven.
Jesus: What? Me? Fuming and foaming? Whatever gave them that idea?
Me: They seem to be pretty convinced that you’re grossly offended by these types of displays.
Jesus: (laughs) That’s the most ridiculous notion in the world. In fact, this photo is pretty tame compared to some others.
Me: Really? There are others?
Jesus: Oh, lots and lots and lots. Take this photo of Raquel Welch taken by Terry O’Neil way back in 1970, for example:
Me: Oh my, we should hide this photo from all those rabid commenters.
Jesus: You can’t. It’s Google-able. Anyway, there’s even this painting from a (take note) Christian Art Blogger, Matt Stone:
Me: Oh but that’s different. That’s painting. That’s art.
Jesus: Tell that to the stone-casters of Mideo Cruz then. The point is, people have been making fun of me ever since I helped them get drunk on that wedding in Cana. But whatever gave them the idea that I would take offense? I didn’t take offense then, and neither will I take offense now. If these people really understood me, they would understand that. They should read and internalize this nifty little story about Offending God.
Me: Umm, that’s my blog.
Me: Some people might think it’s shameless self-promotion.
Jesus: It would be if you were promoting it. But it’s me promoting it, not you.
Me: But not everyone’s going to see it that way.
Jesus: Oh don’t mind them. They can go to hell. Anyway, have you seen these? These are hilarious.
Me: Okay, I think we better stop now.
Jesus: But there are lots more on Google Images. Dang, I should have created Larry Page and Sergey Brin two thousand years ago.
Me: This is getting weird now. Bye Jesus, gotta go.
Jesus: Okay, but don’t be a stranger. And remember, I’m watching you.