Intramuros, Manila — The Commission on Elections (COMELEC) held a review hearing yesterday for the party list “Ang Patay.” The hearing ended with the panel’s rejection of the party’s application for recognition. “Ang Patay was founded to ensure that the dead are represented in the legislative branch of government,” said Ang Patay Spokesperson Randy Cabaong. He says that “with [Ang Patay’s] rejection, the government is basically saying that the departed are of no importance to them!”
“The deceased are not only underrepresented in public office,” according to Atty. Leoric Calansay, one of Ang Patay’s candidates. “They are also marginalized by society in general.” When asked for examples of marginalization, he is quoted as saying that “the recent zombie pop culture craze discriminates against the dead by focusing too much on the interactions between the living and the undead.”
However, COMELEC Commissioner Dennis Romualdez pointed out some technicalities with their application. “For one, none of the people in Ang Patay, however lifeless they may seem, have actually died. It is unfortunate for them that representatives are required to be a part of the sector they claim to represent,” says Romualdez. He also goes on to say that “the COMELEC does not even recognize dead people as people anymore.”
Some members of the Deny Universal Rights Party (DURP) were also present during the hearing. Kurt Tang, a representative of DURP, said that they were there to monitor the proceedings. “We’re here to make sure that dead people never get rights because they are a horrible sector of society,” says Tang. “They just lie there and do nothing but rot all day, costing our economy billions of pesos a year in wake and burial costs. In our view, they deserve to be disqualified for representation in office.”
Upon overhearing these statements during our interview, one of the members of Ang Patay shouted at Tang that “your mother should have killed you!”
Image from ww2cemeteries.co.uk
This is a great read LOL
For a second there I thought I was reading the funniest and at the same time saddest news today. Well done chap! *clap clap clap*
Bad call for Comelec, they should've verified if Calansay and company are dead on the inside, or maybe brain dead. I bet that's enough to qualify them as being part of the dead sector.
the possibility of this kind of thing in our country is what really scares me. they could even let slip a representative not belonging to the group he represents. what's better to expect?
BRACE YOURSELVES. The people who will actually believe this are coming.
Hello confused reader. If you are reading this and unsure about the piece you have just read, it was a satirical/joke article (and very humorous one at that).
Let this information be known to you and others whom you find to be in the same predicament.
Oh delicious satire