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Why the RH Bill is bad: The Real Truth behind the Supposed Truth about the RH Bill

Dustin Celestino
Dustin Celestino

I used to support the RH Bill. I no longer do. By the end of this document, neither would you. I have not supported the RH Bill since I attended a lecture in Megamall about the truth behind it. That lecture truly enlightened me. My only hope is that this holy light of enlightenment passes through your monitor screen, into your optical nerves, and into your heart so it can touch your soul (because the soul is in the heart). My intent here is not to antagonize Pro-RH people, but to enlighten – so listen up, you narrow-minded morons. Open your minds to the real truth…

The RH Bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction, because, at its very core, the RH Bill is an extension of a secret, global conspiracy – a western attempt – to implement principles of eugenics on unsuspecting, inferior populations in order to exclude them from the human evolutionary process, at the end of which would, at the apex, summon forth THE MASTER RACE. Anyone who failed to see this after the lecture is ignorant. I advise him or her to do his or her research, better yet, do some soul-searching to discover the real truth, because the truth is in our hearts, we just have to listen to it.

Initially, my layman’s interpretation of the RH Bill led me to think that it was just a bill meant to help educate the uninformed about ways to prevent them from fornicating their way to a very bad financial situation. My ignorant mind devised 10 simple points as to why the RH Bill was right.

I thought:

1. The minimum wage – the lowest an employer can pay an employee – of a non-agricultural Filipino worker is P404.

2. If there were 20 working days in a month (because most people don’t work on the weekend), the average minimum-wage-earning Filipino would earn around P8,000 a month.

3. Let’s call that person, Joey. If Joey, like other human beings, ate food on a regular basis, he will spend around P70/day on food (and that’s a very, very conservative assumption). There are 30 days in a month, so I guess, that would amount to P2,100 a month.

4. But if Joey had a wife that he loved, he might want to feed her too. Feeding her would cost another P2,100 a month.

5. P8,000 – P4,200 = P3,800

6. If Joey and his wife rented a home, or used electricity and bathed from time to time, the amount left from Joey’s salary would be significantly reduced. Let’s say their utility bills and rent amounted to P1800.

7. P3,800 – P1800 = P2,000

8. P2,000 is a lot of money, but I don’t think Joey and his wife should have more than 3 children, right? I mean, I don’t have children, but just by looking at one, I can safely assume that they cost more than P1,000/month. Babies need milk, diapers, toys, immunity injections, baby medicine…

9. From this I deduced that babies cost money. If babies cost money, I theorized that having more babies would cost more money. And from this data, I observed that a person who spent a lot of money on children, but didn’t earn a lot of money, would soon be broke and unable to provide for both himself and his children. Another word for this broke situation is poverty.

10. I theorized that a person can avoid being poor by making less babies. So, I thought that steps should be taken to inform people about this very little known fact. I also thought that the government should make contraceptives accessible so that people who don’t earn a lot can properly manage the little resources that they have. That’s why I supported the RH Bill.

But now I know that I was wrong. And here are some of the reasons why I know that. By the way, before I continue, I must say that this is the truth, guys. In fact, it’s more than the truth. It’s the Catholic truth, which means that it’s truer and more true than the regular truth.

I know that the issue of the RH Bill is not a religious issue, but make sure you pay attention if you want your soul to be saved. Here are some of the things I learned from the lecture I learned:

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that the Philippines is overpopulated.”

I agree. I, myself, have observed that the Philippine is NOT overpopulated. In fact, if you use your common sense and think about it, you will realize a few things:

1. We are not overpopulated! Look at the mountains, the jungles, the caves and the ocean floor. There are no people there!

2. If we were really overpopulated, we would have trouble travelling. But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people.

3. Students in public schools are well educated because the teacher to student ratio is very low. In fact, because of our low population the government can basically guarantee that all public school students are provided books, notebooks and other school supplies.

 

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that contraceptives are good for mankind and women.”

1. I agree, the RH Bill is not good for women because it might draw a woman away from her one, true, universal purpose – the uninterrupted production of healthy babies.

2. Furthermore, the role of women in society and the universe is to make babies. That’s why God made women. That’s their sole purpose in life. They’re not good for anything else. Ever wonder why there are no women in the clergy? Because they’re not good enough.

3. Contraceptives would allow women to enjoy the benefits of physical intimacy while maintaining a successful and productive career, if she so chooses. That is so wrong. Only men should be able to enjoy that privilege.

4. Women should get pregnant every single time they have sex and only immoral women enjoy sex without the possibility of conception. In fact, a better alternative would be for women, in general, to follow the example made by Mother Mary – to learn how to conceive without having sex.

 

 

“The RH bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction!”

1. I agree. If we pass the RH bill, we will become extinct, like dinosaurs. The dinosaurs are all dead. If we don’t want to be extinct, we should not pass the RH Bill. I mean, do you really want to be a dinosaur?

2. In my opinion, it wouldn’t even be far-fetched to speculate that the most probable reason the dinosaurs became extinct was because they used contraceptives.

3. Population decline is just bad for nations. Just look at the countries which have a declining population – Italy, Japan and Singapore. They’re in such a bad shape. The Philippines obviously has a better economy and has a higher literacy rate than these countries. In fact, many Italians, Japanese, and Singaporeans go to the Philippines for work. That only goes to show that a decline in population is bad for the economy.

 

 

“Our population is our biggest asset!”

1.  In my opinion, people should make as many babies as they can because the population is not a problem. In fact, the more babies a person has, the more assets he has. Forget real estate properties, stock investments, or Jollibee franchises. The real secret to increased wealth is babies.

2. If you have 15 babies, you’re practically wealthy because babies are assets:

2.1 If you need money, you can sell them.

2.2 If you can keep them alive until they can walk, they can one day beg for money in the streets – they’re going to have to anyway because there’s no way in hell you’ll be able to provide for all of them on your own.

3. If ever a person is not able to feed the 15 babies he made, it’s the governments fault, because it’s the governments sole responsibility to make sure that every Filipino baby is fed.

4. The best way a person can contribute to his country is to contribute to its population.

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that reproductive education and contraceptives will effectively reduce cases of abortion.”

1. Reproductive/contraceptive education will have no effect on the number of abortion cases. In my opinion, these abortion cases will not lessen because women will continue to have abortions regardless of whether they are pregnant or not.

2. Abortions cannot be prevented. It’s just something that women naturally do. Like shopping, for example.

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it will make people participate in extra-marital and pre-marital sex.”

1. By approving the RH Bill, we as a nation, are practically encouraging our people to engage in immoral activities.

2. We must protect our moral values and reject the RH Bill. Because, currently, not a single Filipino engages in pre-marital sex or extra-marital sex. As soon as this bill is approved, Filipino people will run the streets naked and start a national orgy!

3. The root cause of extra-marital and pre-marital sex is one’s exposure to contraceptives. There is just something in contraceptives that people find very arousing.

4. In Western countries, men lure strange women into bed by showing them condoms.

5. If we ban condoms, absolutely no one would engage in pre-marital or extra-marital sex.

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that parents don’t teach their children about sex.”

1. The truth is that parents talk to their children about sex all the time. It’s so not awkward. The dad usually tells his children how he takes off all his clothes, does a sexy Tiger growl and makes sweet, sweet music with their mother’s body.

2. Also, a father usually advises his daughter that if she’s going to have sex with her boyfriend, she should use a condom. Sometimes the father even drives the daughter to the boyfriend’s house and waits for the couple to finish.

3. Filipino daughters don’t have sex without the father’s permission. Unwanted pregnancies or teen pregnancies never happen to Filipino girls. That’s why we do not need the RH Bill.

 

“The RH Bill is a conspiracy.”

1. It’s lies, all lies!

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because the priest said so, and priests are never wrong.”

The biggest reason why we should not pass the RH Bill is because the priests told us that we shouldn’t. As anyone should know, priests, men of the clergy, should be the authority on sexual and reproductive matters because they have the most knowledge and experience with sex and reproduction. They are true sexperts – legendary masters of erotic affairs. If you are a real Catholic, you would do everything they say, because they’re always right.

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2865 comments

  2. Funny man. :3 May be he is just being sarcastic [?] about the things he said…. So i will give you an LOL!! ;3

  4. Hahaha! Nice one! But I enjoyed reading the reactions more, hahaha! :))

    People!!! Come on! Chill!

  5. haha now that'll be something.. you just showed a lot of people are stupid.. seriously..

  6. Sarcasm po yan kaya don't take things literally. Dami mo pang sinasabing resources di mo naman gets yung nature ng article. You should be the one reviewing your MR. WEBSTER for the word SATIRE and SARCASM.

    • aminin. naiyak ka din nung namatay si Mara. at dinasal mo na sana hindi na pinganak si Clara. lolz.

  9. You deserve an applaud good sir.

    At sa mga comments na hindi naka-gets sa purpose ng article, you prove all the more na kelangan na ng RH bill. Ang daming hindi nae-educate ng sapat sa Pilipinas.

  11. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. "hey do am I". ito ba ang nagmamalaking hindi elementary student? bkt kapiranggot na grammar hindi mo alm? ANYWAY, reallly? pagkaignorante ang tinitira ko sayo nung una? you might want to reconsider reading my previous post. LOL

  16. bakit ang daming naniniwala. kailangan silang turuan kung anong ibig sabihin ng sarcasm.

  17. LOL. The comments are hilarious. Pwede hanapin muna sa dictionary ang word na "SARCASM" bago magcomment? Wag nga magmatalino kasi lalo lang kayong nagmumukhang tanga.

  19. to be honest, at first, i didn't see the sarcasm in your article. i just thought this was really, really weird. hahahaha!

  20. c'mon guys, let's be kind to those who didn't have the slightest idea that the whole article was done in sarcasm.

    those who found the author as idioticic may not actually be idiots. they just failed to realize the style of writing.

    let's also realize that they are standing up for something. they are standing on the same side as we are. let's be kind to them and make them feel that in spite of the comments that they made, magkakampi tayo.

  22. boylabaha i need you in my operation tule. LOLz muchness. kasi nga hindi nila alam yung Sarcasm.alam lang ng mga Pilipino ngayon e Mara Clara! aminin. LOLZ

  24. :)..thank you author for this article..it just showed that most of them are only reading it….:D

  26. @Nimwit

    "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." -Oscar Wilde

    That was during his time sir.

  27. Pero aminin, para sa mga taong gustong-gusto ang RH Bill .. Bakit nga ba gusto nyo ng RH Bill? Trip lang?

  28. No to RH bill so that there will be more babies! More babies means more youtube videos of cute babies! It doesn't matter that they go hungry and become malnourished afterwards, we just need more babies!!! We also need more kids like Janjan who danced to sexy songs improper to his age on national television for our entertainment!

  29. grabe! may mga bobong pumatol pa talaga at nag english pa! hahahahaha! dyos ko! mga sir, PRO RH BILL ang nagsulat ng article na to. di b kayo nkakaunawa ng salitang SARCASM?

  30. i was fooled by this honestly. but I suspected that it was all made-up article, who would think that way anyway? But it's deceiving you know when you are really serious on the issue.

  31. hahaha! nakakatawa. lalo p akong natawa dahil sa mga bobong di nkakaunawa ng salitang "sarcasm".

  32. Filipinos will be extinct!!! beware!!! ahahaha
    And really? You want us to SELL babies? If that isn't immoral, i don't know what is.
    And really? Hindi traffic sa EDSA? Hirap na nga ang MMDA ayusin ang traffic dyan. Ano ba kelangan para mapaniwala ka na traffic dun? Kapag kelangan na natin mag-bike papuntang Makati?
    The Church doesn't want us to populate more. Eh pag ba wala na tayong mapakain sa mga anak natin tutulong ba sila? Those are people who don't have families of their own, mind you. Hindi sila ang may minimum wage at nakatira sa squatter. I am not saying the Church doesn't know what they're saying or that they are insensitive to our economic crisis (minus the fact na bobo presidente natin kaya sa mga bumoto kay Pnoy – p*kyu nyo talaga), but come on!
    Lord, patawarin nyo po sila dahil hindi nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa.

  34. OMG, this post is so believable. The mathematics or arithmetic is very perfect. Who could have thought that I could live on the ocean floor. We are not overpopulated, it's just that there's so much squatter beside Trinoma. Even in front of one of the most prestigious schools in the Philippines (Philippine SHS). I can't even imagine how it would look like when Filipinos try to lure girls by showing them condoms. OMG. This really is very enlightening. Prolly, The CBCP would like this article like the way they loved McDonald's when they pulled out the "Gusto ko lang naman ng Mcdo Fries" ad. Kudos to the writer of this article.

  35. If you aren't completely sarcastic in the above article, I'd have to say that you're one of the stupidest Filipinos I've ever read.

    If you are, you're quite half-baked. Not there yet. Why write like you're pro-RH and anti-RH at the same time? I bet, you're not sure or too ashamed to admit which side you're rally on.

  36. SUS – isa kpa pota please use your mind naman libre lang gamitin yun! para mo na din sinabi di ako tataya sa lotto or I don't gamble kasi di naman ako mananalo… so slow! tsk!

    • ay wow. hahahahahahaha! aren't you capable of analyzing? kung hindi ka nabuo, edi hindi k rin manghihinayang. "What if's" are for people who live and not for those who aren't. but congrats, daming nakapansin sayo dahil sa pagkaignorante mo.

      • @SUS – hey do am I arguing here in elementary students? di ka kasi makasabay eh! people here keep on reacting not because I'm ignorant like you, it just because they see that I'm anti RH bill while some are pro so expect that they keep on commenting on my comments.

        PS: pde ba wag ng magcomment ng mga pilosopong comment. katamad na tuloy dahil sa mga taong tulad mo eh…

    • Henry is the perfect justification that we need the RH bill to be enacted. Maraming Filipino ang kelangan ng sapat na kaalaman.

  37. trollolololololol.

    bad troll man, really bad troll. you had to spend roughly 50% of the article length on logical build up, that it almost sounds too real.

    you could have skipped to the reasons instead of showing the math

    • Yeah, really bad troll, but a good one, too! Look at all the people who actually believed this 😐

  38. Moron has been said in the responses to this article so many times I refuse to count.

    Seriously, how does THAT promote "free thinking"? How does calling someone a moron add to the debate or discussion? Did that enlighten either the supposed moron or those reading your nicely-barbed tirade against that person's mental capacity?

    All that's doing is lead to the spiral of silence. People will be afraid to voice what's really in their mind because those of you too quick to assert your mental superiority might call them, well, morons in public. Nobody likes to be called that, even the morons themselves.

    That, or this place is going to just be like at least two other so-called bastions of free-thinking in the Philippines' online public sphere, where its better to conform than to truly voice what's in your mind.

    There's a way to correct people making a mistake – honest or otherwise – without having to call them really nasty names. It can be done as simple as telling them, "er… it's a satire." See? Did that even insult anyone, at least directly? And, yet, it served its purpose of telling the person who made a mistake that he or she was perhaps mistaken.

    Like some posters said, this is a country that has trouble… appreciating satire. That only means that maybe – MAYBE – they're not so much moronic as too passionate.

    Sayang, okay pa naman sana yung post.

    • Tama ka, mas marami ang nakikita kong "bobo" "tanga" "moron" "other stuff" kesa actual debates in progress. Akala kasi ng iba diyan, understanding satire is the only way to be intelligent in this article's comments section. Tsk tsk tsk…

      • hanggang okray lang kasi ang mga lola mo. feelingeros matatalino asi may nakitang mas bobo sa kanila. LOLz.

      • dapat kasi silang makinig sa literature classes nila eh, iba kasi inaatupag kaya ganyan! hahaha

    • Yung ibang tao kasi, feeling ko naoffend rin nung una, kaso nakabasa ng "sarcastic kasi to diba" kaya inemulate nila sa lahat ng taong too self-important to actually read the article. And the cycle continues.

  40. hayy. buti na lang may katulad mong nag-iisip pa sa Pilipinas. mabuhay ka at sana dumami pa lahi mo na marunong mag-isip. andami kasing di marunong magbasa na puro comment lang dito e diba?

  42. Please don't bash on those people who didn't get the point of the article. Isipin nyo nalang na talagang pro-RH sila kaya nung nabasa nila ito, sobrang naapektuhan sila. Malamang naman, yung iba dyan, hindi rin na-gets nung una na sarcastic pala tong article na to. Na-realize nyo lang nung nabasa na yung mga comments.

  43. I wonder where the author scored his drugs? Wow! Talk about worst than a psychedelic trip…the guy is really of his rocker!

    We are not overpopulated! <–so I guess there's ample space to check in at the mental hospital or at the basement of a hospital in Makati.
    I mean, do you really want to be a dinosaur?<–with people like you…WHY NOT! At least a replication of your DNA will never happen so spare us.
    “The RH Bill is wrong because the priest said so, and priests are never wrong.” <–were you a nun dressed up as an altar boy?

    So I raise my glass to the author who somewhere along the line has lost that touch with reality. Must be all that WD40 which he thought was a solution to dislodge ear wax and maybe crept up to his brain and it slipped of somewhere between his birth and today. I guess when the doctor was suppose to spank you at birth to see if you were alive, he hit you so hard with an ugly stick in the head then slapped your mom for giving birth to you. Good thing the doctor didn't return you back in your mother the opposite way!

    But do tell me where you scored your drugs if ever! Oh man…yours is a trip where the sun don't really shine!

    • Or, maybe they hate their mom so much that they'd rather be unborn. That's where all this angst is coming from.

      Nah, I kid. Just trying the same humor every "smart" guy here is wearing. 🙂

    • sir sayang naman yung english skills nyo kung hindi nyo alam ibig sabihin ng satirical or sarcasm 🙂

    • Maybe you should tell us where you scored your drugs because it seems that you've read this whole article upside down.

    • your comment shows that you cannot recognize a real article from a satire, my dear friend. use your head (the one on top, that is.)
      it's idiots like you that need reeducating so that the philippines would even have a possibility of moving forward towards a better future. 😉

  44. LOL. this is exactly why we need the RH bill. To lessen stupid people from coming into the world.
    People! This post is a piece of satire, in case nobody gets it. Lol

    • People trying to explain the sarcasm here makes me doubt about free thinking. I mean, why do we need to explain? Even if others don't understand, come on, stupidity is not such a bad thing.

      Hooray for knowing satire! We sure prove that we know a lot! 😀

  45. It is either you believe in your God or believe in the RH Bill to save your nation. You choose. Just remember to choose wisely because you will either receive reward or retribution. God bless Philippines and the Filipino people.

  47. It is either you believe in your God or believe in the RH Bill to save your nation. You choose. Just remember to choose wisely because you will either receive reward or retribution. God bless Philippines and the Filipino people.

    "anonymous delivers"

  48. The topic itself is VERY sensitive kaya siguro some people didn't get the idea. Ako rin when I read this, na-off ako especially sa “The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that contraceptives are good for mankind and women” part.

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