Why the RH Bill is bad: The Real Truth behind the Supposed Truth about the RH Bill

I used to support the RH Bill. I no longer do. By the end of this document, neither would you. I have not supported the RH Bill since I attended a lecture in Megamall about the truth behind it. That lecture truly enlightened me. My only hope is that this holy light of enlightenment passes through your monitor screen, into your optical nerves, and into your heart so it can touch your soul (because the soul is in the heart). My intent here is not to antagonize Pro-RH people, but to enlighten – so listen up, you narrow-minded morons. Open your minds to the real truth…

The RH Bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction, because, at its very core, the RH Bill is an extension of a secret, global conspiracy – a western attempt – to implement principles of eugenics on unsuspecting, inferior populations in order to exclude them from the human evolutionary process, at the end of which would, at the apex, summon forth THE MASTER RACE. Anyone who failed to see this after the lecture is ignorant. I advise him or her to do his or her research, better yet, do some soul-searching to discover the real truth, because the truth is in our hearts, we just have to listen to it.

Initially, my layman’s interpretation of the RH Bill led me to think that it was just a bill meant to help educate the uninformed about ways to prevent them from fornicating their way to a very bad financial situation. My ignorant mind devised 10 simple points as to why the RH Bill was right.

I thought:

1. The minimum wage – the lowest an employer can pay an employee – of a non-agricultural Filipino worker is P404.

2. If there were 20 working days in a month (because most people don’t work on the weekend), the average minimum-wage-earning Filipino would earn around P8,000 a month.

3. Let’s call that person, Joey. If Joey, like other human beings, ate food on a regular basis, he will spend around P70/day on food (and that’s a very, very conservative assumption). There are 30 days in a month, so I guess, that would amount to P2,100 a month.

4. But if Joey had a wife that he loved, he might want to feed her too. Feeding her would cost another P2,100 a month.

5. P8,000 – P4,200 = P3,800

6. If Joey and his wife rented a home, or used electricity and bathed from time to time, the amount left from Joey’s salary would be significantly reduced. Let’s say their utility bills and rent amounted to P1800.

7. P3,800 – P1800 = P2,000

8. P2,000 is a lot of money, but I don’t think Joey and his wife should have more than 3 children, right? I mean, I don’t have children, but just by looking at one, I can safely assume that they cost more than P1,000/month. Babies need milk, diapers, toys, immunity injections, baby medicine…

9. From this I deduced that babies cost money. If babies cost money, I theorized that having more babies would cost more money. And from this data, I observed that a person who spent a lot of money on children, but didn’t earn a lot of money, would soon be broke and unable to provide for both himself and his children. Another word for this broke situation is poverty.

10. I theorized that a person can avoid being poor by making less babies. So, I thought that steps should be taken to inform people about this very little known fact. I also thought that the government should make contraceptives accessible so that people who don’t earn a lot can properly manage the little resources that they have. That’s why I supported the RH Bill.

But now I know that I was wrong. And here are some of the reasons why I know that. By the way, before I continue, I must say that this is the truth, guys. In fact, it’s more than the truth. It’s the Catholic truth, which means that it’s truer and more true than the regular truth.

I know that the issue of the RH Bill is not a religious issue, but make sure you pay attention if you want your soul to be saved. Here are some of the things I learned from the lecture I learned:

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that the Philippines is overpopulated.”

I agree. I, myself, have observed that the Philippine is NOT overpopulated. In fact, if you use your common sense and think about it, you will realize a few things:

1. We are not overpopulated! Look at the mountains, the jungles, the caves and the ocean floor. There are no people there!

2. If we were really overpopulated, we would have trouble travelling. But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people.

3. Students in public schools are well educated because the teacher to student ratio is very low. In fact, because of our low population the government can basically guarantee that all public school students are provided books, notebooks and other school supplies.

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that contraceptives are good for mankind and women.”

1. I agree, the RH Bill is not good for women because it might draw a woman away from her one, true, universal purpose – the uninterrupted production of healthy babies.

2. Furthermore, the role of women in society and the universe is to make babies. That’s why God made women. That’s their sole purpose in life. They’re not good for anything else. Ever wonder why there are no women in the clergy? Because they’re not good enough.

3. Contraceptives would allow women to enjoy the benefits of physical intimacy while maintaining a successful and productive career, if she so chooses. That is so wrong. Only men should be able to enjoy that privilege.

4. Women should get pregnant every single time they have sex and only immoral women enjoy sex without the possibility of conception. In fact, a better alternative would be for women, in general, to follow the example made by Mother Mary – to learn how to conceive without having sex.

“The RH bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction!”

1. I agree. If we pass the RH bill, we will become extinct, like dinosaurs. The dinosaurs are all dead. If we don’t want to be extinct, we should not pass the RH Bill. I mean, do you really want to be a dinosaur?

2. In my opinion, it wouldn’t even be far-fetched to speculate that the most probable reason the dinosaurs became extinct was because they used contraceptives.

3. Population decline is just bad for nations. Just look at the countries which have a declining population – Italy, Japan and Singapore. They’re in such a bad shape. The Philippines obviously has a better economy and has a higher literacy rate than these countries. In fact, many Italians, Japanese, and Singaporeans go to the Philippines for work. That only goes to show that a decline in population is bad for the economy.

“Our population is our biggest asset!”

1. In my opinion, people should make as many babies as they can because the population is not a problem. In fact, the more babies a person has, the more assets he has. Forget real estate properties, stock investments, or Jollibee franchises. The real secret to increased wealth is babies.

2. If you have 15 babies, you’re practically wealthy because babies are assets:

2.1 If you need money, you can sell them.

2.2 If you can keep them alive until they can walk, they can one day beg for money in the streets – they’re going to have to anyway because there’s no way in hell you’ll be able to provide for all of them on your own.

3. If ever a person is not able to feed the 15 babies he made, it’s the governments fault, because it’s the governments sole responsibility to make sure that every Filipino baby is fed.

4. The best way a person can contribute to his country is to contribute to its population.

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that reproductive education and contraceptives will effectively reduce cases of abortion.”

1. Reproductive/contraceptive education will have no effect on the number of abortion cases. In my opinion, these abortion cases will not lessen because women will continue to have abortions regardless of whether they are pregnant or not.

2. Abortions cannot be prevented. It’s just something that women naturally do. Like shopping, for example.

“The RH Bill is wrong because it will make people participate in extra-marital and pre-marital sex.”

1. By approving the RH Bill, we as a nation, are practically encouraging our people to engage in immoral activities.

2. We must protect our moral values and reject the RH Bill. Because, currently, not a single Filipino engages in pre-marital sex or extra-marital sex. As soon as this bill is approved, Filipino people will run the streets naked and start a national orgy!

3. The root cause of extra-marital and pre-marital sex is one’s exposure to contraceptives. There is just something in contraceptives that people find very arousing.

4. In Western countries, men lure strange women into bed by showing them condoms.

5. If we ban condoms, absolutely no one would engage in pre-marital or extra-marital sex.

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that parents don’t teach their children about sex.”

1. The truth is that parents talk to their children about sex all the time. It’s so not awkward. The dad usually tells his children how he takes off all his clothes, does a sexy Tiger growl and makes sweet, sweet music with their mother’s body.

2. Also, a father usually advises his daughter that if she’s going to have sex with her boyfriend, she should use a condom. Sometimes the father even drives the daughter to the boyfriend’s house and waits for the couple to finish.

3. Filipino daughters don’t have sex without the father’s permission. Unwanted pregnancies or teen pregnancies never happen to Filipino girls. That’s why we do not need the RH Bill.

“The RH Bill is a conspiracy.”

1. It’s lies, all lies!

“The RH Bill is wrong because the priest said so, and priests are never wrong.”

The biggest reason why we should not pass the RH Bill is because the priests told us that we shouldn’t. As anyone should know, priests, men of the clergy, should be the authority on sexual and reproductive matters because they have the most knowledge and experience with sex and reproduction. They are true sexperts – legendary masters of erotic affairs. If you are a real Catholic, you would do everything they say, because they’re always right.

I used to be anti-RH bill. Back then I thought that RH stands for Red Horse beer — especially when some Filipinos mis-pronounce bill as beer.

Anyway, I do think the RH bill makes good sense now.

RH bill provides free contraceptives to alleviate poverty.
I love free stuff, I mean who doesn't? When the bill is implemented, people will go out and get all the contraceptive they can carry and sell them for a profit. Ka-ching! Our financial problems that stems from decade-long mismanagement of finances is now solved! Hooray!

RH bill will teach the poor how to use contraceptive
In order for the bill to work successfully, poor Filipinos must know how to use these plastics properly. So what better way to do it than to broadcast porn around a poor community. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, but demonstration is much more effective. That's what the funding for TV and vans are for — to demonstrate how to use condoms.

I also agree that our public officials should use these public assets for personal use too. It would be a shame if these assets would only be used during government work hours. Porn everyday makes free contraceptives sell best.

Over-population is Philippine's biggest problem
There is just so much people here in the Philippines. The problem isn't the lack of public infrastructure such as trains and highways. The problem is the number of people who use these existing infrastructures and complain that it is crowded. Instead of building more trains to accommodate the growing population, it is much wiser to give away contraceptives. And I agree.

As they say, there is no need for choo-choos if nobody will ride them.

RH bill will now make the Philippines at par with Singapore, Japan and other developed countries.
The use of contraceptives is the main reason these countries are rich. It is not the corruption or the mis-management of funds that is causing our low economic status, but the lack of contraceptives in our daily lives. I heard rumors amongst the elite that Warren Buffett (one of the richest man on the world) carries a condom wherever he go. That's why he's so freaking rich — it's not because he's frugal and live within his means.

The RH bill will also stop the brain-drain that is happening in our country. Now, OFWs will come back to the Philippines because we have free contraceptives. It was not the lack of jobs and good working environments here that the OFWs left, the main reason why they left is because we don't give away free contraceptives.

Condoms are very popular amongst the Filipino
This is the reason why the Government should give it away for free. Unlike Church services, people drive in droves every Sunday to get their hands on the latest latex products sold by the condom factories.

Yes, suck it up Church people. The government is so sick of you being always morally right. It makes corruption very hard especially when your institution teaches the people how to live their lives straight while harboring, protecting and safe-guarding eye-witnesses that squeal graft cases on government agencies.

It is fitting that the Church's free services should be countered with free products. What better weapon is there than to giveaway free contraceptives.

RH bill will prevent unwanted pregnancy
Unwanted pregnancy occurs because sex was unplanned for. With free contraceptives, poor people would start planning their sexual activities — they would make a perfect line every morning waiting patiently for condoms to be distributed.

Additionally, whenever women are being raped or used as sex instruments by their husbands, they can now rest assured that their rapists/husbands are using government subsidized condoms so they won't get pregnant. This is women empowerment at its finest.

With free contraceptives, it would also drive down the costs of setting up prostitute houses – which would ultimately mean more jobs for poor Filipino women.

RH bill would lower government debt
By diverting funds away from public education, it is wiser to just giveaway contraceptives. This way, if teachers complain that their salaries are low compared to other countries, government officials can now reply: "does other countries also give contraceptive benefits alongside your base salary?"

A very good rationale for not giving our public teachers a pay raise indeed — which would ultimately result in lower state expenses.

RH bill would lower abortion rates
It is a fact that the reason why women get abortion is because their husbands or rapists were not wearing condoms. Once the husband and rapist start wearing condoms, these women will stop getting abortion.

In fact, the reason why these rapists such as Francisco Juan "Paco" Larrañaga (a member of the powerful Osmeña clan), Jozman Aznar (whose family owns a hospital and a school), Rowen Adlawan, Ariel Balansag, Alberto Caño propagate in our society is because they are too poor to afford contraceptives.

Ultimately, it all boils down to RH bill being awesome! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!

2865 comments

xylexx May 7, 2011 At 3:04 am

hahahahahahhaaahaahah. i myself am an anti rh bill, but still, this made me laugh :))).
allan May 7, 2011 At 3:03 am

putang inang mga rason ng taong nagsu;at ni2!!!!
- joh May 7, 2011 At 4:18 am
  
  ikaw ang putang ina!!nde mu lang naintindihan eh..dumugo ba ilong mu???hahahaha!bobo!
- a_mats-meyker May 7, 2011 At 4:46 am
  
  allan, meet rashine palma…rashine, meet allan…
  - Cali5556 May 7, 2011 At 6:45 am
    
    Uh-oh. Somebody missed the smart bus.
Onil May 7, 2011 At 3:03 am

ROFL grabe based on reactions and comment andami talagang Pilipinong tanga, kabaligtaran ang ibig sabihin ng author.
concerned_citizen May 7, 2011 At 3:01 am

And here I thought I had my share of conspiracies. LoL. Those against the RH bill would go to great lengths even involving baseless conspiracies just to lure the ignorant into their medieval ways of thinking. I would not be surprised if the Catholic Church itself is behind these conspiracies popping up here and there and in the nick of time just when the RH bill is making progress in our country. Why now and not then? LOL
Menot May 7, 2011 At 2:55 am

ngayon naiintindihan ko na kung bakit magulo na ang mundo at kung bakit hirap na hirap umunlad ang Pilipinas. Kahit ba sa pagkokomento hindi na tayo magkakaroon ng deretsahang usapan? kung san san napupunta mga topic a. well, this is fun! hahahahaha

🙂
baliwkabobo! May 7, 2011 At 2:52 am

you are as stupid as it gets! you are the author of nonsense. in fact, you have no damn credibility at all to write about the RH bill. moron, stupid idiotic and nonsense. if a foreigner read this article, they would probably presume Philippine idiocracy is at its best. stupid moron fake bastard! what the hell is wrong with you?
- haha May 7, 2011 At 3:46 am
  
  Since nobody replied to this comment yet, I will and they might as well would tell you this: read the article again and again and again… or read the other comments. That would help. 😀
- ... May 7, 2011 At 4:11 am
  
  oo nga yung mga foreigner pag nabasa to, baka kase parehas kayo ng panguunawa
- joh May 7, 2011 At 4:15 am
  
  english ka ng english wala ka namang alam! foreigner ur face!! this article is for filipinos! who cares if a foreigner reads this?? pakyu! ikaw ang moron!
- pam May 7, 2011 At 4:18 am
  
  ikaw, what the hell is wrong with you? di mo ba alam ang sarcastic?
- Right back at you May 7, 2011 At 4:52 am
  
  Kalmado ka na? If you have extra time please look up: SATIRE. And then, read this article again. As you are demanding from the author extra diligence in his writing, I suggest you become extra perceptive of the things that you read as well.
- silentgunner May 8, 2011 At 12:19 am
  
  there's nothing wrong with the author nor the article. the only thing that's wrong is YOU. ur nick suits you well. GO READ THE ARTICLE AGAIN
crimsonblood May 7, 2011 At 2:39 am

grabe nman kau mgreact…don't u guys realize that the author was being sarcastic? :))
SABOGSABOGTAYO May 7, 2011 At 2:32 am

Nice one! Filipino will be risk for extinction! HAHAHA LOL!
alfonso May 7, 2011 At 2:19 am

1.) bobo ka ba? it is biologically impossible to conceive without having sex.
2.) abortion cannot be done unless a woman is pregnant. this is elementary knowledge.
3.) one of the overarching problems of the philippines is outsourcing of people. this is because they are skilled, but we cannot absorb them all. guess where they go to? japan, singapore and italy! perfect
4.) condoms don't have mystic luring powers, ewan sa'yo, baliw ka ata at nalulula ka sa condoms.
5.) overpopulation is not a problem? perhaps. but population density is. wala naman atang taong may tinong pagiisip ang titira sa ocean floor.
6.) mukhang hindi ka edukado, wala ka atang pera pang tuition. magparami ka nalang muna ng anak mo at ibenta mo sila para maka pag kolehiyo ka naman.
- jerb May 7, 2011 At 7:46 pm
  
  TANGA!
- bastusingbata May 7, 2011 At 8:25 pm
  
  ..awww..nagsalita ang edukado..
- -_- May 7, 2011 At 10:16 pm
  
  1.) bobo ka ba? it is biologically impossible to conceive without having sex. >> you may want to google PARTHENOGENESIS 😉
  - Antonio Ikko Oquias May 7, 2011 At 11:44 pm
    
    There are no human cases. Dumbass. You may want to read about the things you "Google."
- vincent May 7, 2011 At 10:37 pm
  
  you didn't get it did you? gosh. gosh. gosh. you are so stupid. =))
- silentgunner May 8, 2011 At 12:01 am
  
  isa pa tong alfonso na to..magsamasama kayo nila rashine palma at winston dumas! kelangan tlga ipasa ang RH bill para hindi na magkaroon ng mga katulad nyo!
  - Winston Dumas May 8, 2011 At 1:14 am
    
    Wag mo kaming isama kay Rashine Palma. Nakaka-demean yun. Ako pinag-uusapan ang truth behind the satire. Si Rashine Palma, wala lang nag-iipon lang ng negative ratings.
    
    And if you can see, before you fools butted in, matitino ang mga kausap ko. Look it up sa Page 10, nandun mga posts ko kahapon at nung isang araw.
    - Winston Dumas May 8, 2011 At 1:15 am
      
      I mean, wag mo AKONG isama kay alfonso at Rashine Palma, kasi SILA hindi nila nagets yung satire, more so yung article. Ako nagets ko.
      
      Want to disprove me? Explain, then, kung pano ko hindi naintindihan yung article, sans the insults.
- zombie May 8, 2011 At 1:10 am
  
  bobo
alfonso May 7, 2011 At 2:18 am

1.) bobo ka ba? it is biologically impossible to conceive without babies.
2.) abortion cannot be done unless a woman is pregnant. this is elementary knowledge.
3.) one of the overarching problems of the philippines is outsourcing of people. this is because they are skilled, but we cannot absorb them all. guess where they go to? japan, singapore and italy! perfect 🙂
4.) condoms don't have mystic luring powers, ewan sa'yo, baliw ka ata at nalulula ka sa condoms.
5.) overpopulation is not a problem? perhaps. but population density is. wala naman atang taong may tinong pagiisip ang titira sa ocean floor. :p
6.) mukhang hindi ka edukado, wala ka atang pera pang tuition. magparami ka nalang muna ng anak mo at ibenta mo sila para maka pag kolehiyo ka naman.
- boogie May 7, 2011 At 2:28 am
  
  nako isa ka pa sumagot…
  FACE THE WALL!
  Bumalik ka ng elementary ha.
  - Jimberly May 7, 2011 At 7:41 pm
    
    aba! akin yang face the wall banat na yan ah! haha but in any case, well stated! hahaha
- hoho May 7, 2011 At 2:37 am
  
  try mo mag undergo ng matinding mental test
  baka maintindihan mo yung totoong pinaparating nung nagsulat
  tas basahin mo ulit yung mga sinabi mo 😉
- Winston Dumas May 7, 2011 At 3:47 am
  
  "it is biologically impossible to conceive without babies. " so nakakapag-conceive lang tayo pag may babies na tayo? next time learn to phrase your ideas properly.
  - haha May 7, 2011 At 3:50 am
    
    haha. benta.!
- joh May 7, 2011 At 4:11 am
  
  hahahaha!isa ka pa! juice ko!! gago ka din gaya nung sinundan mung magcomment! shut up kung nde mu naiitindihan to!! ang sakit nyo sa bangs!!
- bastusingbata May 7, 2011 At 8:26 pm
  
  ..uulitin ko po ah..nagsalita ang edukado..
  
  ..i advise you to return to grade school..and study language first of all..
RHB(RedHorseBeer) May 7, 2011 At 2:09 am

hahahaha!!! this is the right kind of funny…wonder if the CBCP has read this…and if they did, i'm sure more than half of them laughed their arses off…high five Author Dude!!! i'm gonna be reading this again…hehehe…:D
CHACHA May 7, 2011 At 2:03 am

C'mon people. Haven't you seen where this post is categorized? It's under HUMOR. Ayun oh, sa ibabaw ng title sa header.

PS: Thanks sa LOL-worthy comments. ^_^
kuekuatsu May 7, 2011 At 1:51 am

you are wrong and funny in many ways……lol
dhar May 7, 2011 At 1:41 am

sex expert mga pari.. ahaha… at ok lng pla dumame ang pulubing bata.. :DD
prang against tlga sa una, ang sarcastic…haha..
dondochakka May 7, 2011 At 1:29 am

kung maaway niyo naman yung author..
feeling ko kase talaga, feeling ko lang ha? .. parang sarcastic yung pagkakasabi niya e
malay niyo, mafeel niyo rin, through an honest soul searching!
= )))))))))))))))
(ano ba yan, andami kong tawa)
kudos author May 7, 2011 At 1:23 am

the article is hilarious. but the people who reacted violently are more hilarious. i hope you guys find time to open the dictionary and look for the meaning of SARCASM. :))
Hokage May 7, 2011 At 1:21 am

Clever article. Obviously, it's a satirical essay. Pass the RH bill!
Marg May 7, 2011 At 1:20 am

Cheers to this satirical article!

(facepalm) Yikes!~ It seems a lot of Filipinos don't recognize satire when they see one. (/facepalm) For one thing, this article is tagged under the "Humor" category.

Isa pa po, my dear boys and gals .. satirical po ang article, hindi po sarcastic. Paki-google na lang po yung difference ng SATIRE and SARCASM.
gin May 7, 2011 At 1:13 am

Even now, the remarks never fail to amuse me : ))))
dapat pala bawal maenrage yung mga slow
they become impulsive, resulting to their humiliation, then digging their own grave
how's that, burying yourself alive?
pwede na to sa most embarrassing experience sa autographs! 🙂
lou May 7, 2011 At 1:06 am

Thanks for the laughs 🙂

p.s.
I want to be a dinosaur.
- jerb May 7, 2011 At 7:47 pm
  
  i want to be a dragon!
- bastusingbata May 7, 2011 At 8:20 pm
  
  ..i want to be a phoenix..so that i would not need to reproduce..hahahaha
hazel May 7, 2011 At 12:49 am

i really think that the writer is being sarcastic xD
john_paolo May 7, 2011 At 12:43 am

The author is awesome! great mind.. this is the kind of intellect that our generation needs! Kudos!
rina May 7, 2011 At 12:36 am

this is a lol time
"student" May 7, 2011 At 12:36 am

Exactly the point! Di pa nga sure kung magiging effective yung bill kinokontra na! At hindi lang mag-anak ang purpose ng mga babae! Sexist ka ba?
- "teacher" May 7, 2011 At 1:19 am
  
  stand at the corner!
- Principal May 7, 2011 At 2:22 am
  
  Naku isa ka pa!
  FACE THE WALL!
banes_74 May 7, 2011 At 12:32 am

article is hilarious and spot on. But even funnier (or sadder) is how many readers were too dull or dense to grasp the sarcasm, probably not too well-acquainted with such literary treatment.
those who are exposed to a broader range of writing styles got it instantly.

Seriously, they really thought the author was pro-RH?!?
ayabie May 6, 2011 At 11:59 pm

As much as entertaining the article is, the comments and reactions of people are more hilarious.

Kudos to the author. I hope everyone shares this 😀

And to all those who commented and reacted, violently or not, on this article, keep 'em coming! Let's lure the, sorry for the term, idiots out =))
A thankful reader May 6, 2011 At 11:58 pm

The sarcasm in the article was certainly entertaining, however the real high point of this article is not the article itself but the feedback and comments. Thank you to all those who commented on this article, you really made my day I have never seen a comment page brimming with so much intelligence, respect and humility. I must have stumbled upon a haven of knowledge within the vast expanse of the internet. 🙂
117 May 6, 2011 At 11:52 pm

I'm sorry, but the satire is lost on me! Somebody please care to explain? 🙂
Pro-RH May 6, 2011 At 11:52 pm

sorry ha..DI NAMAN UNG PLACE LANG ANG FACTOR SA PAGPAPALAKI NG PAMILYA…it also INCLUDES THE CAPACITY of the PARENTS to RAISE their children…if bwat family magkakaroon ng more than the ideal number of children….MAHIHIRAPAN ang PARENTS. RH bill will somehow help the parents to lighten up their loads…PISO KO MANALO NG BARKO GAGO nagsulat nito…ito ba talaga ang PINAGLALABAN ng ANTI-RH or EDITED VERSION to at gusto ng sumulat na dumami ang pro-RH..kasi if you notice it…GAGO ang pagkakagawa…sorry for my word…wala me magamit na ibang word…kundi. GAGO ang sumulat nito.
- boogie May 7, 2011 At 2:24 am
  
  Wala rin ako magamit na ibang word sa yo kundi "bobo ka"
- haha May 7, 2011 At 3:52 am
  
  haha. Actually, the article is not anti-RH bill. it would help if you read other comments. 😀
- mimi May 7, 2011 At 3:54 am
  
  chill. actually, the author is being sarcastic. 🙂
- joh May 7, 2011 At 4:06 am
  
  ikaw ang gago.react ka ng react hindi mu naman pala alam ang ibig sabihin ng sarcastic.napapahiya ka tuloy.gago!
- silentgunner May 8, 2011 At 12:21 am
  
  ako wala akong ibang magamit na word kundi TANGA ang nagcomment na to. Di nagbabasa. bumalik ka ng grade 1!
ProRHBill May 6, 2011 At 11:49 pm

I used to be anti-RH bill. Back then I thought that RH stands for Red Horse beer — especially when some Filipinos mis-pronounce bill as beer.

Anyway, I do think the RH bill makes good sense now.

RH bill provides free contraceptives to alleviate poverty.
I love free stuff, I mean who doesn't? When the bill is implemented, people will go out and get all the contraceptive they can carry and sell them for a profit. Ka-ching! Our financial problems that stems from decade-long mismanagement of finances is now solved! Hooray!

RH bill will teach the poor how to use contraceptive
In order for the bill to work successfully, poor Filipinos must know how to use these plastics properly. So what better way to do it than to broadcast porn around a poor community. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, but demonstration is much more effective. That's what the funding for TV and vans are for — to demonstrate how to use condoms.

I also agree that our public officials should use these public assets for personal use too. It would be a shame if these assets would only be used during government work hours. Porn everyday makes free contraceptives sell best.

Over-population is Philippine's biggest problem
There is just so much people here in the Philippines. The problem isn't the lack of public infrastructure such as trains and highways. The problem is the number of people who use these existing infrastructures and complain that it is crowded. Instead of building more trains to accommodate the growing population, it is much wiser to give away contraceptives. And I agree.

As they say, there is no need for choo-choos if nobody will ride them.

RH bill will now make the Philippines at par with Singapore, Japan and other developed countries.
The use of contraceptives is the main reason these countries are rich. It is not the corruption or the mis-management of funds that is causing our low economic status, but the lack of contraceptives in our daily lives. I heard rumors amongst the elite that Warren Buffett (one of the richest man on the world) carries a condom wherever he go. That's why he's so freaking rich — it's not because he's frugal and live within his means.

The RH bill will also stop the brain-drain that is happening in our country. Now, OFWs will come back to the Philippines because we have free contraceptives. It was not the lack of jobs and good working environments here that the OFWs left, the main reason why they left is because we don't give away free contraceptives.

Condoms are very popular amongst the Filipino
This is the reason why the Government should give it away for free. Unlike Church services, people drive in droves every Sunday to get their hands on the latest latex products sold by the condom factories.

Yes, suck it up Church people. The government is so sick of you being always morally right. It makes corruption very hard especially when your institution teaches the people how to live their lives straight while harboring, protecting and safe-guarding eye-witnesses that squeal graft cases on government agencies.

It is fitting that the Church's free services should be countered with free products. What better weapon is there than to giveaway free contraceptives.

RH bill will prevent unwanted pregnancy
Unwanted pregnancy occurs because sex was unplanned for. With free contraceptives, poor people would start planning their sexual activities — they would make a perfect line every morning waiting patiently for condoms to be distributed.

Additionally, whenever women are being raped or used as sex instruments by their husbands, they can now rest assured that their rapists/husbands are using government subsidized condoms so they won't get pregnant. This is women empowerment at its finest.

With free contraceptives, it would also drive down the costs of setting up prostitute houses – which would ultimately mean more jobs for poor Filipino women.

RH bill would lower government debt
By diverting funds away from public education, it is wiser to just giveaway contraceptives. This way, if teachers complain that their salaries are low compared to other countries, government officials can now reply: "does other countries also give contraceptive benefits alongside your base salary?"

A very good rationale for not giving our public teachers a pay raise indeed — which would ultimately result in lower state expenses.

RH bill would lower abortion rates
It is a fact that the reason why women get abortion is because their husbands or rapists were not wearing condoms. Once the husband and rapist start wearing condoms, these women will stop getting abortion.

In fact, the reason why these rapists such as Francisco Juan "Paco" Larrañaga (a member of the powerful Osmeña clan), Jozman Aznar (whose family owns a hospital and a school), Rowen Adlawan, Ariel Balansag, Alberto Caño propagate in our society is because they are too poor to afford contraceptives.

Ultimately, it all boils down to RH bill being awesome! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!
- ProRHBill May 6, 2011 At 11:54 pm
  
  I forgot to add: “The RH Bill is right because the government said so, and the government is never wrong.”
  
  The biggest reason why we should pass the RH Bill is because the government told us that we should. As anyone should know, government, men of the public service, should be the authority on sexual and reproductive matters because they have the most knowledge and experience with sex and reproduction. They are true sexperts – legendary masters of erotic affairs. If you are a real Filipino, you would do everything they say, because they’re always right.
  - JuanTalino May 7, 2011 At 12:29 am
    
    Clap clap clap!
  - jerb May 7, 2011 At 7:50 pm
    
    RH!!! EXTRA STRONG!
    - ProRHBill May 7, 2011 At 8:04 pm
      
      Yeah! But I'm not a fan of Red Horse Beer. I'm more of a unicorn beer drinker:
      
      <img src="http://www.bulls-head.co.uk/images/unicorn.jpg" />
      <img src="http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web04/2009/9/11/12/fancy-unicorns-drink-fancy-beer-30131-1252687600-43.jpg" />
- CHRIS May 7, 2011 At 12:27 am
  
  Agree NO TO RH BILL!
  - bastusingbata May 7, 2011 At 8:12 pm
    
    bill o beer? hahahaha
hello May 6, 2011 At 11:46 pm

bakit kaya ang dami nagagalit dito nung simula, then mamaya mag change of heart.
hello May 6, 2011 At 11:37 pm

un bang RH bill ay mag bibigay ng contraceptives? ano gagawin nya sa contraceptives? Kasi kung mag bibigay sila I think, baka ang iniisip nila is that, ung ipupuhunan sa mga contraceptives na yun ay parang discount coupon sa mag gov't pag lumobo pa lalo ang population. hmmm…
- hello May 6, 2011 At 11:38 pm
  
  sorry may d nagregister na keys:
  "un bang RH bill ay mag bibigay ng contraceptives? ano gagawin nya sa contraceptives? Kasi kung mag bibigay sila I think, baka ang iniisip nila is that, ung ipupuhunan sa mga contraceptives na yun ay parang discount coupon sa magiging parang gastos ng gov't pag lumobo pa lalo ang population. hmmm…
Heather May 6, 2011 At 11:31 pm

GOSH SARCASTIC PO ANG POST NA TO. WAG KAYO MAGALIT. Because he's proving a point through sarcasm! Sana nagets niyo!
wawa May 6, 2011 At 11:22 pm

Its simply said that CATHOLIC PRIEST are fool
- Winston Dumas May 7, 2011 At 2:26 am
  
  I wept upon seeing your poor grammatical skills.
Jeffrey Villa Reyes May 6, 2011 At 11:17 pm

Hahaha… Ipatupad ang RH para mapigilan ang pagkalat ng mga bobo! hahaha
RandomComment May 6, 2011 At 11:01 pm

I suppose it would have been better if a notice was posted in order for this article to be understood more clearly. Something like "Warning! Satire Post. Read At Own Risk". Nevertheless, it was an interesting read.
- AnaFeliciano May 8, 2011 At 5:05 am
  
  Nah, if there had been a warning at the top, people who were Anti the bill but didn't really understand the incredulity of their own arguments wouldn't have read on.:D I'm hoping that this article has enlightened some of those people who are Anti and has gotten them to change their minds, or at least, start thinking critically about why they're against the bill.:)
@ragearceo May 6, 2011 At 10:58 pm

Brilliant satirical piece is brilliant. Good job, sir!
Rinzler May 6, 2011 At 10:58 pm

I wonder if these people really understood this genuinely encrypted article at all.
To put it simply, the guy who wrote this actually supporting the RH BILL.
Get that? HE IS SUPPORTING THE RH BILL.
He's just being sarcastic on how narrow-minded our religious leaders are… and even MOST Filipinos.

Translation needed? Okay.

Sana naiintindihan ng lahat ng bumabasa ng artikulong ito ang tunay na kaisipang ipinapahayag nito. Kung susuriin at iintindihing mabuti, mapapagtanto mo na ang may-akda nito ay sumusuporta sa RH BILL.

Inuulit ko, sinusuportahan nya ang RH BILL.

Ang tunay nyang tinutuligsa dito ay HINDI ang mga kababaihan, kabataan, kahirapan, populasyon, at hindi rin ang MRT, ang tunay nyang tinitira dito ay ang kakitiran ng pag-iisip ng mga PINUNO NG PILIPINONG SIMBAHANG KATOLIKO.

Sa lagay ng mga tumugon dito, naipapakita rin kung gaano kakitid ang pag-iisip ng maraming PILIPINO.
- hello May 6, 2011 At 11:05 pm
  
  nice. 🙂
- banes_74 May 7, 2011 At 12:42 am
  
  Isn't it frustrating how it has to be spelled out for others? Gaaaah! kainis 'no?
bisdak May 6, 2011 At 10:54 pm

This nonsense about RH Bill is irritating!!!

Where is my FOIA BILL ???? It was on the floor last year but it seemed to have died!!!!

The FREEDOM of INFORMATION ACT is much more important!!!!!
- hello May 6, 2011 At 11:07 pm
  
  parang narinig ko nga yan… ano ba laman nyan? para wala na limitation ang tao, specially ung mga madalas kumuha ng info, like, hmmm,, media sa pag kuha ng kahit ano info sa gov't? or parang katulad nung sa US, nabasa ko lang dati, na info like census or others ay kelangan ikeep muna for 70years ata, if im not mistaken.. bago isapubliko?? tnx!
asir May 6, 2011 At 10:47 pm

Dude, it's under free thinkers org. So, anyone has the right to say what they think. Douches.
Ms.Obvious May 6, 2011 At 10:39 pm

Uh,,guys.. I think this is a JOKE…its under HUMOR..c'mon.. Isn't it obvious?
"If you need money, you can sell them." referring to the babies..Isn't that a GIVE AWAY already? hahahahhah! nice one though.. XD
Carl May 6, 2011 At 10:18 pm

At first, I was like, "Oooh."
And then when I read the part about EDSA, Dinosaurs and whatnot, I was literally laughing my pants off. I got the message of this article. Unang impression talaga kasi, parang totoo tapos sobrang idiotic lang nung gumawa (Kasi may binganggit syang reference/foundation; yung sa Megamall conference stuff or something)

But yeah, Kudos to the author.
hello May 6, 2011 At 10:18 pm

hmmm, hypothesis: mga d matanggap ang article na to, ANTI-RH BILL, while ung iba na agree naman, PRO-RH BILL.. the rest ewan.. hehehe.. lurkers.
Nuynuy May 6, 2011 At 10:15 pm

Wow, it's amazing how some poeple took this seriously. Your comments are really funny. Don't you realize that this is just a satirical post? Oh, I'm sorry, you don't know what satirical means? It means SARCASTIC. Still don't know what sarcastic means? Go check it out in google, or better yet, go back to elementary.

If you want to see another example of a satire, read this: http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html
- hello May 6, 2011 At 11:16 pm
  
  another definition: just want to add: World English Dictionary
  
  satire (ˈsætaɪə) [Click for IPA pronunciation guide]
  
  — n
  1. a novel, play, entertainment, etc, in which topical issues, folly, or evil are held up to scorn by means of ridicule and irony
  http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/satire
hello May 6, 2011 At 10:08 pm

May debate ata about sa RH bill sa abscbn on sunday 10:30pm ata..
dizzy May 6, 2011 At 10:05 pm

SATIRICAL! 🙂 Very cleverrr. :-bd
jokjok May 6, 2011 At 9:54 pm

anyone who believes this article is RETARDED..
- hello May 6, 2011 At 9:56 pm
  
  is you? hehehe. jk.
- Winston Dumas May 6, 2011 At 10:09 pm
  
  You mean anyone who falls for this article's wit. Because I for one do not want to be extinct, like the dinosaurs.
  - hello May 6, 2011 At 10:15 pm
    
    hahaha, kua winston natawa ako sa coment mo! ang alam ko asteroid or commet ung tumama sa may mexico na naging sanhi ng extinction.. natawa naman ako sau..
- Madison May 7, 2011 At 1:39 am
  
  And the term 'retarded' is offensive.
- jerb May 7, 2011 At 7:47 pm
  
  i want to cry shet ang tanga mo eh
- bastusingbata May 7, 2011 At 8:24 pm
  
  ..i really, really, never laugh like this in years..
  
  ..to the point that i wanted to cry because my stomach is aching..
  
  ..but, then and again, you're right..at least, if they didn't realize its true meaning..hahaha
bratwrap123 May 6, 2011 At 9:52 pm

The thing is…you should be able to get it that it's satire after reading section "The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that contraceptives are good for mankind and women.".

I don't get how anyone could finish the entire article and still think there's not an ounce of sarcasm embedded in it.

Maybe it's time to log out of Facebook, turn off your computer and go back to school. Oh, and most of all, please use a condom so your kind won't multiply anymore. 😉
rashine's husba May 6, 2011 At 9:52 pm

I hope this article by dustin_celestino becomes viral. If it does, it will expose 2 critical problems our country is facing today – worsening english language skills and decreasing IQ among the youth. And yes, it will also bring the RH bill controversy into public consciousness… so make that 3.
- Winston Dumas May 6, 2011 At 9:54 pm
  
  This is ALREADY viral. Otherwise how do you explain the number of stupid comments.
- Apocalypse Now May 6, 2011 At 9:56 pm
  
  YOUR right.
- hello May 6, 2011 At 9:56 pm
  
  ano po connect ng IQ?
  - Winston Dumas May 6, 2011 At 10:07 pm
    
    Wala. Hindi pang-iinsulto sa mga bobo ang gusto kong iparating. Ang gusto kong iparating ay usually kapag viral na ang isang bagay lahat na ng tao nagkaka-access dito. So dahil accessible na to sa lahat, lahat na pwedeng magcomment – both the intelligent and the stupid, unlike if, say, limited lang to sa community dito sa Filipino Freethinkers na critical ang pag-iisip.
    - hello May 6, 2011 At 10:09 pm
      
      in this comment: i agree..
- sheldonb May 6, 2011 At 10:38 pm
  
  These are the reasons why I can't stop reading comments. Good stuff don't stop commin'!! :3
  He sounds intelligent, but his point is hilariously stupid!! HAHAHAHAHA
  - hello May 6, 2011 At 10:52 pm
    
    hahaha
Kewl May 6, 2011 At 9:50 pm

Feeble-minded. No straight facts. Unfeminist. I suggest you live to another planet.
- Winston Dumas May 6, 2011 At 10:10 pm
  
  He'd rather live in the ocean floor
  - hello May 6, 2011 At 10:40 pm
    
    hahaha, nice sarcastic statement.
- rashine's husba May 6, 2011 At 10:17 pm
  
  with your initial post, i could say that you are UNKEWL
- CPAfreethinker May 6, 2011 At 10:31 pm
  
  I guess you did not get the "real" message that the article is trying to get through. It is plain sarcastic. And everything he said aims to make you realize that we really need the RH bill!