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Why the RH Bill is bad: The Real Truth behind the Supposed Truth about the RH Bill

Dustin Celestino
Dustin Celestino

I used to support the RH Bill. I no longer do. By the end of this document, neither would you. I have not supported the RH Bill since I attended a lecture in Megamall about the truth behind it. That lecture truly enlightened me. My only hope is that this holy light of enlightenment passes through your monitor screen, into your optical nerves, and into your heart so it can touch your soul (because the soul is in the heart). My intent here is not to antagonize Pro-RH people, but to enlighten – so listen up, you narrow-minded morons. Open your minds to the real truth…

The RH Bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction, because, at its very core, the RH Bill is an extension of a secret, global conspiracy – a western attempt – to implement principles of eugenics on unsuspecting, inferior populations in order to exclude them from the human evolutionary process, at the end of which would, at the apex, summon forth THE MASTER RACE. Anyone who failed to see this after the lecture is ignorant. I advise him or her to do his or her research, better yet, do some soul-searching to discover the real truth, because the truth is in our hearts, we just have to listen to it.

Initially, my layman’s interpretation of the RH Bill led me to think that it was just a bill meant to help educate the uninformed about ways to prevent them from fornicating their way to a very bad financial situation. My ignorant mind devised 10 simple points as to why the RH Bill was right.

I thought:

1. The minimum wage – the lowest an employer can pay an employee – of a non-agricultural Filipino worker is P404.

2. If there were 20 working days in a month (because most people don’t work on the weekend), the average minimum-wage-earning Filipino would earn around P8,000 a month.

3. Let’s call that person, Joey. If Joey, like other human beings, ate food on a regular basis, he will spend around P70/day on food (and that’s a very, very conservative assumption). There are 30 days in a month, so I guess, that would amount to P2,100 a month.

4. But if Joey had a wife that he loved, he might want to feed her too. Feeding her would cost another P2,100 a month.

5. P8,000 – P4,200 = P3,800

6. If Joey and his wife rented a home, or used electricity and bathed from time to time, the amount left from Joey’s salary would be significantly reduced. Let’s say their utility bills and rent amounted to P1800.

7. P3,800 – P1800 = P2,000

8. P2,000 is a lot of money, but I don’t think Joey and his wife should have more than 3 children, right? I mean, I don’t have children, but just by looking at one, I can safely assume that they cost more than P1,000/month. Babies need milk, diapers, toys, immunity injections, baby medicine…

9. From this I deduced that babies cost money. If babies cost money, I theorized that having more babies would cost more money. And from this data, I observed that a person who spent a lot of money on children, but didn’t earn a lot of money, would soon be broke and unable to provide for both himself and his children. Another word for this broke situation is poverty.

10. I theorized that a person can avoid being poor by making less babies. So, I thought that steps should be taken to inform people about this very little known fact. I also thought that the government should make contraceptives accessible so that people who don’t earn a lot can properly manage the little resources that they have. That’s why I supported the RH Bill.

But now I know that I was wrong. And here are some of the reasons why I know that. By the way, before I continue, I must say that this is the truth, guys. In fact, it’s more than the truth. It’s the Catholic truth, which means that it’s truer and more true than the regular truth.

I know that the issue of the RH Bill is not a religious issue, but make sure you pay attention if you want your soul to be saved. Here are some of the things I learned from the lecture I learned:

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that the Philippines is overpopulated.”

I agree. I, myself, have observed that the Philippine is NOT overpopulated. In fact, if you use your common sense and think about it, you will realize a few things:

1. We are not overpopulated! Look at the mountains, the jungles, the caves and the ocean floor. There are no people there!

2. If we were really overpopulated, we would have trouble travelling. But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people.

3. Students in public schools are well educated because the teacher to student ratio is very low. In fact, because of our low population the government can basically guarantee that all public school students are provided books, notebooks and other school supplies.

 

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that contraceptives are good for mankind and women.”

1. I agree, the RH Bill is not good for women because it might draw a woman away from her one, true, universal purpose – the uninterrupted production of healthy babies.

2. Furthermore, the role of women in society and the universe is to make babies. That’s why God made women. That’s their sole purpose in life. They’re not good for anything else. Ever wonder why there are no women in the clergy? Because they’re not good enough.

3. Contraceptives would allow women to enjoy the benefits of physical intimacy while maintaining a successful and productive career, if she so chooses. That is so wrong. Only men should be able to enjoy that privilege.

4. Women should get pregnant every single time they have sex and only immoral women enjoy sex without the possibility of conception. In fact, a better alternative would be for women, in general, to follow the example made by Mother Mary – to learn how to conceive without having sex.

 

 

“The RH bill will put Filipinos at risk of extinction!”

1. I agree. If we pass the RH bill, we will become extinct, like dinosaurs. The dinosaurs are all dead. If we don’t want to be extinct, we should not pass the RH Bill. I mean, do you really want to be a dinosaur?

2. In my opinion, it wouldn’t even be far-fetched to speculate that the most probable reason the dinosaurs became extinct was because they used contraceptives.

3. Population decline is just bad for nations. Just look at the countries which have a declining population – Italy, Japan and Singapore. They’re in such a bad shape. The Philippines obviously has a better economy and has a higher literacy rate than these countries. In fact, many Italians, Japanese, and Singaporeans go to the Philippines for work. That only goes to show that a decline in population is bad for the economy.

 

 

“Our population is our biggest asset!”

1.  In my opinion, people should make as many babies as they can because the population is not a problem. In fact, the more babies a person has, the more assets he has. Forget real estate properties, stock investments, or Jollibee franchises. The real secret to increased wealth is babies.

2. If you have 15 babies, you’re practically wealthy because babies are assets:

2.1 If you need money, you can sell them.

2.2 If you can keep them alive until they can walk, they can one day beg for money in the streets – they’re going to have to anyway because there’s no way in hell you’ll be able to provide for all of them on your own.

3. If ever a person is not able to feed the 15 babies he made, it’s the governments fault, because it’s the governments sole responsibility to make sure that every Filipino baby is fed.

4. The best way a person can contribute to his country is to contribute to its population.

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that reproductive education and contraceptives will effectively reduce cases of abortion.”

1. Reproductive/contraceptive education will have no effect on the number of abortion cases. In my opinion, these abortion cases will not lessen because women will continue to have abortions regardless of whether they are pregnant or not.

2. Abortions cannot be prevented. It’s just something that women naturally do. Like shopping, for example.

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it will make people participate in extra-marital and pre-marital sex.”

1. By approving the RH Bill, we as a nation, are practically encouraging our people to engage in immoral activities.

2. We must protect our moral values and reject the RH Bill. Because, currently, not a single Filipino engages in pre-marital sex or extra-marital sex. As soon as this bill is approved, Filipino people will run the streets naked and start a national orgy!

3. The root cause of extra-marital and pre-marital sex is one’s exposure to contraceptives. There is just something in contraceptives that people find very arousing.

4. In Western countries, men lure strange women into bed by showing them condoms.

5. If we ban condoms, absolutely no one would engage in pre-marital or extra-marital sex.

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that parents don’t teach their children about sex.”

1. The truth is that parents talk to their children about sex all the time. It’s so not awkward. The dad usually tells his children how he takes off all his clothes, does a sexy Tiger growl and makes sweet, sweet music with their mother’s body.

2. Also, a father usually advises his daughter that if she’s going to have sex with her boyfriend, she should use a condom. Sometimes the father even drives the daughter to the boyfriend’s house and waits for the couple to finish.

3. Filipino daughters don’t have sex without the father’s permission. Unwanted pregnancies or teen pregnancies never happen to Filipino girls. That’s why we do not need the RH Bill.

 

“The RH Bill is a conspiracy.”

1. It’s lies, all lies!

 

“The RH Bill is wrong because the priest said so, and priests are never wrong.”

The biggest reason why we should not pass the RH Bill is because the priests told us that we shouldn’t. As anyone should know, priests, men of the clergy, should be the authority on sexual and reproductive matters because they have the most knowledge and experience with sex and reproduction. They are true sexperts – legendary masters of erotic affairs. If you are a real Catholic, you would do everything they say, because they’re always right.

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2865 comments

  1. ayan ANTI RH BILL na ko, hindi dahil sa mga dahilan na nabasa ko kanina. kundi sa NARARANASANG KAHIRAPAN ng bansa natin ngayon. kung tungkol sa pagresolba ng KAHIRAPAN ang pagtutuan nila ng pansin imbes na ang ang pagpigil sa paglobo ng populasyon, e di sana wala nang kumokontra.

  2. i dont think so.. i beliv wth respecting other peoples opinion is right so il just keep my mouth shut,though… im not really against this..really…………for reasons : better reasons

  4. you know what I don't know if this was written by a womanizer or just simply making fun of the RH Bill, though I am neither anti nor pro RH bill, this article just gave me tons of laugh but also had me a bit annoyed especially with this line

    "Furthermore, the role of women in society and the universe is to make babies. That’s why God made women. That’s their sole purpose in life. They’re not good for anything else. Ever wonder why there are no women in the clergy? Because they’re not good enough."

    it just seems unfair that women should be portrayed in such a way… but as for the rest of the article, good job!^_^ a funny way to look at this well debated subject!

  5. Try reading it with Mikey Bustos accent 😀

    For those with negative comments, please read the entire article 😀

  7. daming galit ah. may pa FUCK YOU FUCK YOU pa ang iba diyan.

    di talaga nila gets ang tinatawag nating "sarcasm." binabaliktad niya ang kwento para makagawa ng punto.

    hay naku. You got trolled, lol

  8. I agree. I, myself, have observed that the Philippine is NOT overpopulated. In fact, if you use your common sense and think about it, you will realize a few things:
    1. We are not overpopulated! Look at the mountains, the jungles, the caves and the ocean floor. There are no people there!- O, GOOD LUCK SAYO, SIGE TUMIRA KA SA OCEAN FLOOR! NAGIISIP KA BA?

    2. If we were really overpopulated, we would have trouble travelling. But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people.- SAAN KA NAKATIRA? HINDI OVERPACKED ANG MRT? SURE KA? PUHLEASE? KELAN PA? OR HINDI MO ALAM ANG MRT?

    3. Students in public schools are well educated because the teacher to student ratio is very low. In fact, because of our low population the government can basically guarantee that all public school students are provided books, notebooks and other school supplies.- WEH DI NGA? HAVE YOU DONE A REACH OUT PROGRAM SA PUBLIC SCHOOLS? GOD, PLEASE BEFORE YOU WRITE ANY ARTICLE, MAKE SURE THESE ARE FACTS! NOT FICTION! IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE HOW MANY STUDENTS PER CLASSROOM, YOU WOULDN'T SAY THIS! IM NOT SAYING NA HINDI OF VALUE ANG TEACHING SA PUBLIC SCHOOLS, BUT YOU CANNOT SAY NA MALIIT ANG STUDENT TO TEACHER RATIO SA PUBLIC SCHOOLS!

    “The RH Bill is wrong because it assumes that contraceptives are good for mankind and women.”
    1. I agree, the RH Bill is not good for women because it might draw a woman away from her one, true, universal purpose – the uninterrupted production of healthy babies. – SO ANAK LANG NG ANAK GANON BA?
    2. Furthermore, the role of women in society and the universe is to make babies. That’s why God made women. That’s their sole purpose in life. They’re not good for anything else. Ever wonder why there are no women in the clergy? Because they’re not good enough.- WTF? I STRONGLY DISAGREE! YOU SUCK! EXCUSE ME, HINDI LANG GUMAWA NG BABIES ANG ROLE NG MGA BABAE! GO TO HELL!

    3. Contraceptives would allow women to enjoy the benefits of physical intimacy while maintaining a successful and productive career, if she so chooses. That is so wrong. Only men should be able to enjoy that privilege.- FUCK YOU!

  11. Lol. Soon there will be babies sold in stands and malls. c:
    and there'll be a DIVISORIA kind ;D ones with defects.
    YEAH! Who would not want babies with their own hard work delivering 😀
    WE should have that store from GTA IV game. "babies overnight"
    YOU CAN JUST ORDER A BABY OFF THE INTERNET! 😀

    • Would've been funny if that last part about babies getting sold on the internet wasn't already happening.

  12. bakit kasi english ng english.. Filipino tayo, tagalog please.. para walang sisihin kung hindi naintindihan..

  14. I was laughing throughout but…

    "Abortions cannot be prevented. It’s just something that women naturally do. Like shopping, for example."

    Best line ever XD.

  19. Another one…

    "Students in public schools are well educated because the teacher to student ratio is very low. In fact, because of our low population the government can basically guarantee that all public school students are provided books, notebooks and other school supplies."

    -Please do some research or go to these places first before saying something.

          • HAHA. research on sarcasm. a lot of people here don't get the point of the article. all they see is what they can read. >:))

        • haaaayst mas dumugo pa ang ilong ko sa mga comments kesa sa article! kaloka sumakit ang tyan ko kakatawa!

          buti na lang binasa ko ng buo yung article atleast hindi ako napagaya kay RASHINE! wahahaha!

  20. "But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people."

    -Seriously, have u ever tried to commute dustin? I guess not.

    • Trust me, he knows what it is like to commute.

      Also, trust me when I tell you that you have comprehension problems. 🙂

    • It's so lol it's getting sad already. So many unsuspecting trolls in the comments where the author should be the sole troll. Kudos to the author, and hopefully the rest will catch on.

  24. Nice article sir. I have a neutral stand on this bill.(I don't think it is necessary to pass it, but I'm not against it.) I think you just have weighed the scale between the pros and cons of the bill. I would salute to all pro and anti-RH who would have their stand rather than both pro and anti-RH who did not do anything but to be emotional, whining and become too aggressive in pointing out the mistake of someone with a different point of view(kahit na hindi na yung mismong point of view inaatake, yung tao na mismo). If this was really sarcasm, then It shows openness. No strings attached. =)

    -A previous student of his

  25. Good article for the most part, disagree on some points though. Japan made most of it's economic gains when it still had a growing population. It became rich before it became old. Japan's economy has been stagnating for the last 15 years or so and many economists blame this partly on the aging population. Singapore's economy is doing well because they have a massive number of young immigrants coming in. It's population growth rate has hit 4% several times so it has a relatively young population and it's population is by no means declining. Italy does not have a declining population also welcomes tons of immigrants without them the population would shrink and probably the economy along with it. Also take note that Japan and Korea have a much higher population density than the Philippines.

    • Good post. Overall the satire is well written but including some unfounded points made the article not so WIN.

    • it should be noted that it isn't all about numbers. these countries had/have good systems in place to provide education for their people, and the screening process for these countries immigrants have high standards.

      they will not accept uneducated/under educated immigrants, they make sure the person will be productive before they are let into the country as an immigrant.

    • You can argue all you want with population growth numbers and economic figures but I'll take Japan, Singapore or Italy's stagnating economy over ours 7 days a week. Duh.

    • It's estimated that a population needs a growth rate of at least 2.1 in order to be considered as stable. Lower than that and you get a declining population. Singapore's growth rate in the past 30 years? An average of 1.7.

      The population of Singapore Citizens has been in decline since the the 80's (maybe even the 70's, some say). The influx of foreign workers does not guarantee an increase in the population because not all of these workers will be given permanent resident or citizen status. There are around 5 million individuals in Singapore, 3.7M of which are residents, out of which 3.2M are citizens. That means potentially 1.3M people here will all go home after their work contracts end. Amongst citizens, almost 32% are 50y.o. or older.

      Growth rate is so bad that the government needs to step in and promise cash and other perks for their citizens to reproduce.

  26. Dustin, thank goodness I don't have any wounds because they'd reopen with me laughing so hard.

  29. what the fuck!!! are you telling that we women are worthless people that is just made to produce?! watch your mouth idiot! come to think of it. So are you telling your mother is not good for anything else? Is her role in this society is just to give birth to you?

    2.Furthermore, the role of women in society and the universe is to make babies. That’s why God made women. That’s their sole purpose in life. They’re not good for anything else. Ever wonder why there are no women in the clergy? Because they’re not good enough. (I was greatly affected about this comment of yours mister)

    • Hey grace, you are amazing (pun intended). Go and make me a sandwich, you stupid little fuck.

      • Huh? Satire or not, as a proud Filipino woman, I gladly accept my role as a child-bearer.

        • ate, lahat ng sinabi nya ay kabaligtaran ng kanyang paniniwala — kasi nga satire. so in effect, mataas ang pagpapahalaga niya sa babae.

    • ughh.. i think the writer was being sarcastic. everything the article said was the exact opposite of the truth. it's too ridiculous to be serious

    • YOU'RE RIGHT, GRACE! The person who wrote this obviously doesn't know what he's talking about.

      "2. If we were really overpopulated, we would have trouble travelling. But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people."

      -Have you ever rode the MRT, dustin??? I ride the MRT at 5:30 in the morning and it's already packed with people! And which EDSA are you talking about that has smooth traffic all the freaking time? Is there another EDSA only you know of?

      Please stop posting write-ups like this because you are not helping. As a matter of fact, you are polluting minds and making a fool out of people! Put your gift of writing to good use!

    • what the fuck!!! are you telling that we women are worthless people that is just made to produce?!

      WTF! ARE YOU DUMB?

    • Hahaha!! Grace, kailangan mo mabiyayaan ng grace for your brain. Grabe di mo na-gets yung article na 'to. Hahaha!!

    • YOU'RE RIGHT, GRACE! The person who wrote this obviously doesn't know what he's talking about.

      "2. If we were really overpopulated, we would have trouble travelling. But if you go to EDSA, there’s no traffic. When you ride the MRT, it’s not packed with people."

      -Have you ever rode the MRT, dustin??? I ride the MRT at 5:30 in the morning and it's already packed with people! And which EDSA are you talking about that has smooth traffic all the freaking time? Is there another EDSA only you know of?

      Please stop posting write-ups like this because you are not helping. As a matter of fact, you are polluting minds and making a fool out of people! Put your gift of writing to good use!

      • this is what it means of writing to good use.. mautak ang gumawa ng ganitong article… wag nyo isisi sa author ang kakulangan nyo sa utak sa pagintindi LOL

      • haha. tae lang. ang daming hindi makagets ng article. kaya di umuunlad pilipinas eh. HAHAHA. inuuna galit, di man lang nag-iisip. >:)). ang daming beses na ngang sinabing satire, galit na galit parin. HAHAHAH.

    • what the fuck!! are you showing such reaction that women are indeed worthless people who can't even easily grasp the understanding of a satirical article?

      furthermore, go back to school please. kaya nababansagang bobo ang mga pilipino, dahil sa mga katulad mo

      • grabe ang tanga! un nga ung point eh. ung makita mong ridiculoous ung statement para ikaw ung makagets ng real point. hindi ung ididikta lang sayo. Kasi mas maniniwala ka sa sarili mong realization. Kung di mo pa rin gets, tanga ka tlga

        • sa·tir·i·cal [sə tírrik'l]

          or sa·ti·ric [sə tírrik]

          adjective

          of satire: using wit, especially irony, sarcasm, and ridicule, to criticize faults

          1. use of wit to criticize behavior: the use of wit, especially irony, sarcasm, and ridicule, to criticize faults

  30. I hated this article at first but after reading with an open mind, i was enlightened… Now I know we don't need the RH bill. The priests are never wrong!!! I just had sex with one, and we never needed the contraceptives.

  35. The dude practically said that dinosaurs used contraceptives, women should learn the immaculate conception, and that we should sell babies. It's definitely not a satire.

  36. I have been called a moron for supporting the RH Bill. Now this article targeting morons like myself has shed some light to the path of enlightenment. I am now against the bill. Thank you so much!

  38. Did you even study in public schools or ride mrt? well, I did. So I know we are overpopulated. Try selling your own baby.

  40. Has Osama been reincarnated into a catholic extremist? that was fast.

    I am now a believer. Thank you for showing me the light,xD
    All Pinoy Parents are responsible.
    How can mothers teach their daughters about teenage pregnancy if they've never experienced it themselves.
    experince is the best teacher, why do we even need to educate them about sex.

  42. rh bill is against life!! i believe that in every Filipino people there are very supportive parents!!! God bless us all!!!

  48. "because the truth is in our hearts, we just have to listen to it." > I LOLed so hard on this :))

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