Spiritual But Not Religious – One Man’s Journey from Belief to Trust

Is it possible for god and reason to occupy the same space in your mind? Can faith and rationality coexist in harmony? Find out as we listen to the story of Mr. Ernie Abella and have a special dialogue with him. Mr. Abella was the former head pastor of The Jesus Fellowship. He is now a social entrepreneur.

Date: June 1, 2013 (Saturday)
Time: 7:30-9:30 PM
Place: Cafe Demitasse, F. Torres St., Davao City

• Newbies are welcome.
• Look for the FF sign (or the group of smart, sexy people).
• There is no required age, religion, philosophy, or IQ level.
• Discussions are informal yet intelligent (most of the time).
• You don’t have to talk; you can just sit in and listen.

Attendance is FREE. We do appreciate if you order food/drinks to help cover the venue costs, but there is no obligation to do so.

Please come early. We start ON TIME.

Click here to go to our Facebook events page

Topic: I Do…Do You? – Arguments For and Against Marriage Equality
Special Guest: Ms. Ria Danielle Lumapas – Program Coordinator – Go Tugon Foundation

April 27, 2013 (Saturday) 730PM – 930PM
Cafe Demitasse, F. Torres St., Davao City

* Newbies are welcome.
* Look for the FF sign (or the group of smart, sexy people).
* There is no required age, religion, philosophy, or IQ level.
* Discussions are informal yet intelligent (most of the time).
* You don’t have to talk; you can just sit in and listen.

Attendance is FREE. We do appreciate if you order food/drinks to help cover the venue costs, but there is no obligation to do so.

Please come early. We start ON TIME.

This is the first article for my debut column entitled “Freethinking Me,” which appeared in SunStar Davao last Feb 22, 2013. In my column, I hope to explore issues and educate the public regarding reason, science, and secularism in the country. You can check out “Freethinking Me” every Friday. 

“IF THE earth were 10 feet closer to the sun, we would all burn to death. And if it were 10 feet further out, we would all freeze.”

Fact or Fiction?

I have seen this posted around the internet, and in the past, have heard quite a few speakers tout this “fact” as a testament to the precision and perfection of God’s design in creation. The listeners are astounded and nod their heads in agreement to the wonder of it all.

Read the rest of my article here.

–

Image from Wikimedia Commons

Cafe Demitasse (Location Map)
Saturday, November 17, 2012
7:30pm – 9:30pm

RSVP on our Facebook page

Discussion topics

• In Science We Trust
• Evolution is a Fact

The past two meetups have been very engaging so far that we’ve extended until almost midnight. Then we usually head somewhere else for more drinks and informal discussions.

Got questions about the meetup? You may ask them at our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/davaofreethinkers/

• Newbies are welcome.
• Look for the FF sign (or the group of smart, sexy people wearing FF-Davao shirts).
• There is no required age, religion, philosophy, or IQ level.
• Discussions are informal yet intelligent (most of the time).
• You don’t have to talk; you can just sit in and listen.

Poster Design by Clyde Mante

Have you ever received a forwarded email or message telling you about some chemical found in a popular softdrink that’s also used to preserve dead bodies? Or how the chicken you’re eating is not really a chicken but some mutated genetic freak?

How about your next-door neighbor who tells you about this bracelet or necklace that supposedly emanates protective energy? Or the latest scientific breakthrough, embedded in a small sticker or magnet that can generate healing energy for your body?

How do you know how much of this stuff is real and how much of it is just plain b*******?

Join us as we explore these issues in “What the Fact? Investigating Urban Legends and Pseudoscience” at the Filipino Freethinkers Davao meetup on October 6, 2012 at Cafe Demitasse, F. Torres St., Davao City (click for map), from 7:30PM to 9:30PM (or later — last time, we had a stimulating discussion that ended at around 12:00 MN).

Click here to RSVP on our events page on Facebook.

FF Davao Meetup 2012-08-25 / Photo by Anthony Montecillo

Photo by Stephen Ainsley

It all started when I pulled one loose thread from the fabric of the belief that had been woven around me when I was growing up. This fabric had protected me, warmed me and gave me comfort when I was yet a child and had not yet formed my own convictions.

I guess I was around 14 or 15 at that time when I noticed a few loose ends. It was at a national inter-church summer camp in Baguio City. I tugged a bit at those ends. I had a long discussion with my best friend. We threw around questions like “Why would an all-knowing God create Lucifer in the first place when he knew he would rebel against him? How come God put the forbidden fruit in the garden when he already knew that man would fail the test and take a bite from it? What if you were born in a remote place and you never heard about Jesus? Would it be fair for God to throw you in hell because of that?”

We went back and forth with these questions, trying to find answers from the Bible, from our own experience, and from what we had heard from other church leaders. We discussed these issues until way past midnight and even brought them up to a pastor the next day.

Looking back, my goal at that time was not so much to seek the truth no matter what, but to find a position of defensible comfort within my belief system. And so when the pastor replied with — “You know, I look at it this way. We are like people standing behind an expert painter creating a masterpiece. While he is still working on the painting, we don’t understand it. We see that some parts are dark and some strokes look ugly. But when the master is done and the final work is revealed, we will marvel at how wonderful it is” — I accepted that reply even if it really didn’t answer the question. I was contented enough with it and accepted that my puny mind could never comprehend the infinite wisdom of God. I ignored those loose ends and left them there, assured that all will be revealed and make sense when I died and went to heaven.

Fast forward to a just a few years ago. I was in my mid-thirties, had gone through  tremendous swings in my spiritual journey, had married and had 3 kids, had experienced dealing with many different kinds of people, had a richer and wider view of reality than I had when I was a pimply teenager. I saw those loose threads. They were still there. They didn’t go away no matter how I tried to ignore them.

So I started to pull again. I started asking questions in an earlier blog I made. So now I had a wider audience — not just Christians and pastors but really different people with different beliefs. And I found out two things — one is that there were many people like me, on their own journey of unraveling the threads of their beliefs, and the other is that the Christian answers to the questions were more or less the same ones I had received as a teen — and they no longer satisfied me. To paraphrase from the Apostle Paul — the answers were milk when what I needed was meat. It was like feeding baby food to an adult.

Because I wasn’t satisfied, I continued pulling and it became a bit scarier because the fabric was beginning to tear and my skin was showing beneath it. I worried about how others would see me. I wondered about those who read my blog and what they thought about me: “Oh he’s backsliding” or “he’s being deceived by the devil” or “he should really stop this or God will stop blessing him.”

I think I stopped pulling for a while when I began to get numerous reactions, even calls from close relatives and friends who were “concerned” and “praying for me.” I didn’t want to rock the boat that much yet.

But in the end, my desire for truth outweighed everything else. Jesus rightly said, “the truth will set you free,” and I wanted so badly to be free. And so I decided to pursue the truth — even if that truth said that the Jesus I believed in was a lie. I started pulling harder at the strings and fabric unraveled faster. I might have lost a few relationships because of this but those that have remained no matter what, I cherish as true friends.

Now, only a few tatters remain from the tapestry of faith that once covered me, but I have never felt happier, have never felt more joy and at peace with myself. I no longer wonder whether what I do is God’s will for me or not. I am no longer tormented by guilt that I have not prayed enough or have not nurtured my relationship with God enough. The responsibility for my life is mine alone. I accept it and lay blame at no one’s feet when things go wrong. No more asking, “Why God?” No more clutching at false hope and prayer, but simply accepting what comes today and then moving forward to create a better tomorrow.

My only regret, perhaps, is not pulling those strings sooner and having tasted this freedom earlier in my life, because the unraveling of my belief has left me stark naked to all the wonder the universe has to offer.

The truth has finally set me free.

—–

This article also appears in zenbananas.com

The Balagtas University of Local Legislation, along with its sister-school, the Santiago-Hernando Institute of Technology, have announced a new course offering aimed at those with ambitions of serving as political aides to legislators, called Plagiarism 101.

“Contrary to popular opinion, plagiarism is not an absolute evil,” says school dean, Nympha Luz Otana. “We have discussed this matter with top political aides and even they say that copying is a common practice among them. They do it for their bosses’ speeches as well as the bills they pass. Therefore, it is a necessary skill for these aspiring aides. Our aim as an educational provider is to give our students the best training and technological competence possible in the art of copying.”

“For example,” she elaborates, “One of the course modules is entitled Keyboard Shortcuts. 80% of people who use computers copy and paste text by right-clicking on the selected text, choosing ‘Copy’ then moving to the destination, right-clicking and choosing ‘Paste’, but this is very slow and tedious especially if you are copying large amounts of text. The more efficient way would be to use the keyboard shortcut Ctrl-C for copy and Ctrl-V for paste. This simple tip can save countless hours for a legislative researcher who has to scour hundreds of blogs to put together his boss’ privilege speech. Oh, and if you want to copy the full text, you don’t have to use your mouse to select and then drag the selection all the way down. You can just press Ctrl-A. You understand, of course, that I am talking about Windows shortcuts which are more common. We have a separate module that deals with Mac shortcuts for Mac users. And as with the Mac, it comes at a premium price suited for their discerning tastes.”

Although the course primarily deals with skills, it also allocates several hours to philosophy and psychology. “Students need to get rid of the impression that they are doing something wrong and all the mental baggage that comes along with that,” explains Professor Giacobo Bolarte, a veteran teacher in the university. “They have to unlearn all the conditioning that other teachers have impressed upon them — that it is wrong to simply copy other people’s works without proper attribution. You know, politics is a whole different arena with a different set of rules. We cannot expect our lawmakers to keep citing their sources or to verify their information. Why do that when you can simply copy from a blog and assume that it is correct? Besides, how can a senator sound credible if he keeps saying ‘according to such and such a blog who cited Dr. so-and-so?’ Don’t you see how ridiculous and long-winded that would be?”

When asked how the other teachers and parents thought of this, Professor Bolarte replied, “Well, there are naturally a number of them that protested. But I think they are hypocrites. There is no new idea in the world. We are all just copying from past ideas and past discoveries. Look at the Bible. We would not have the Bible if the monks did not copy them from older documents. And even we humans are just copied from the image of God. See? There is nothing wrong with copying. Even God did it. So who are we to go against God?”

Image credit: http://blog.sagoma.com/il-download-e-il-mio-pastore-non-manco-di-nulla/i-love-ctrl-c-ctrl-v_t/

For freethinkers way down south, join us on August 25, 2012 at Cafe Demitasse (http://goo.gl/maps/3nvoD), F. Torres St., Davao City.

First 3 guests get a free drink of their choice.

RSVP on our FF Davao Facebook group

Filipino Freethinkers in Davao City - June 6, 2012 Meetup

Freethinking 101

We had several newcomers in our latest meetup last Saturday (June 2, 2012) at Harley Boulevard Motor Cafe. FF-Davao founder, Jong Atmosfera, led a short but informative discussion on secularism and freethinking. He reiterated that the focus of freethinking is not so much one’s position (atheist, theist, deist, etc.) but the process at which one arrives there. Thus one need not necessarily be an atheist to be a freethinker. Theoretically, one can believe in god and still be a freethinker as long as he arrives at his conclusion using science, logic and reason. He also stressed that “while we are not promoting atheism, we are promoting a society that is more tolerant of atheists and people of different beliefs.”

Atheism 101

FF-Davao regular Gamahiel “Dodong” Tutor then lived up to his name and gave a short discourse on atheism, recalling his background as a Jehovah’s Witness elder, then dabbling in other religions such as Mormonism and Islam, and then finally cementing his path as an atheist.

Blast 101

After the meetup, some of the members decided that the night was still young and moved to another venue for more drinks, more discussion and more fun. As newcomer Clyde Mante put it, “alcohol + open and informative discussion = blast.”

Join the Fun

If you think you’re missing all the evil in Manila because you live in the southern part of the country, don’t fret. We have our own brand of freethinking in Davao City. Join the FF-Davao Facebook Page for updates and announcements regarding local meetups and other matters.

I recently saw an old friend who greeted me with “Hi, atheist!”

That’s how I found out that he had been following my facebook posts and debates. I happened to have posted a lot of materials coming from skeptic and atheist websites to elicit questions and make my point. I didn’t consider myself an atheist though, but that greeting got me to thinking — was I slowly morphing into one?

Granted, I do enjoy the down-to-earth reasoning, thinking and questioning employed by atheists, and I can certainly relate to the issues as I have encountered the same in my own life journey. I also enjoy the company of atheist friends of both varieties – physical and FOOF (friends only on facebook). I just find it refreshing to converse openly and ask hard questions without tiptoeing around issues as I used to do with fellow believers and pastors, lest they think that I was already seriously considering heretic teachings and have turned to the dark side.

But if atheism is defined as “ the rejection of belief in the existence of deities“, I don’t think I’m quite there yet. So far, the atheism that I have seen is first and foremost, a rejection of the Christian deity (or the Christian definition of god as portrayed in the Bible). So far also, most of the atheists that I know who are actively espousing their non-belief come from some sort of Christian background. I do not know of any prominent atheist who started out as a muslim, a jew, a hindu, or a druid.

Because of this, most atheists speak out on issues that involve rejecting the Christian god and Christianity. Once that is done, this disbelief in god is expanded in a less hostile fashion to other religions (Islam is probably next in line in terms of getting atheist flak).

However, just because an atheist has written off the existence of the Christian god does not automatically mean that there is no god of any sort. What is “god” after all, but just a word people use to represent and define some unknown higher power? People have tried to define this god by using words such as creator, source, omniscient and omnipotent. They have tried to characterize this god by attributes such as loving, kind, just, merciful, and so on. But these are just words, and I believe in the possibility of a being that exists beyond these words.

There is a lovely zen saying that goes, “When the sage points to the moon, the idiot looks at the finger.” The words and concepts we have for god are just parts of the finger pointing to something possibly out there, possibly greater than ourselves. I cannot explain it other than saying that there is a feeling, an inner sense of something more profound than words can express.

When Christians and atheists fight over doctrines and belief systems, it is like watching them fight over the pointing finger. It is briefly amusing and I won’t deny deriving a bit of satisfaction seeing my former belief questioned. However, this can’t go on forever. If we keep fighting over the finger, we will never get to see the moon.

So I would like both sides to step back and reflect a little. For the theists (of whatever stripe), ask yourselves if the god you believe in could ever be accurately described in ancient texts — and open your mind to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, you have put your god inside a box too small to contain him, or her, or it.

For the atheists, ask yourselves whether it is possible to have a being higher than yourself. This being does not necessarily have to love you, nor listen to your prayers, nor conform to ANY concept of god that we currently have. If you think about the universe and what we yet don’t know about it, you’d have to at least consider the possibility of such a being, else you would be as close-minded as the fundamentalist you so despise.

I believe in a middle ground, a place of mutual respect, where acceptance triumphs over bigotry, and where love triumphs over fear. After all, if we humans don’t get our act together, who will do it for us?

—–

Photo credits: Lego Art by WildFire

This article also appears in zenbananas.com

Me: Hey Jesus, did you hear about that photo of a certain Maike Domingo, of a girl in shorts who posed in a sexy-ish manner on the cross?

Jesus: Oh hello. Haven’t chatted with you in a while. But yeah, of course I know about it. I’m all-knowing remember? So even before she had the impulse to do that, I already knew she would do it.

Me: Then surely you also know about the 1,106 (and growing) comments on the photo — a lot of them calling the girl stupid, blasphemous, vulgar and so on?

Jesus: Yep.

Me: Well, since you’re obviously the object of blasphemy, and these commenters are defending the honor and sanctity of the cross, what can you say about it?

Jesus: Oh, I already said something two thousand years ago about those without sin casting the first stone, but the people casting the stones don’t really think it applies to them. Also, I don’t see anything blasphemous about the photo. The girl was just having fun, and she looked pretty decent. Although she may be a bit attention-starved as some of the comments implied, but that’s no excuse for calling on her to be stoned or to be nailed herself.

Me: The way these people are talking, they seem to think that you’re all fuming and foaming at the mouth up there in heaven.

Jesus: What? Me? Fuming and foaming? Whatever gave them that idea?

Me: They seem to be pretty convinced that you’re grossly offended by these types of displays.

Jesus: (laughs) That’s the most ridiculous notion in the world. In fact, this photo is pretty tame compared to some others.

Me: Really? There are others?

Jesus: Oh, lots and lots and lots. Take this photo of Raquel Welch taken by Terry O’Neil way back in 1970, for example:

Me: Oh my, we should hide this photo from all those rabid commenters.

Jesus: You can’t. It’s Google-able. Anyway, there’s even this painting from a (take note) Christian Art Blogger, Matt Stone:

Me: Oh but that’s different. That’s painting. That’s art.

Jesus: Tell that to the stone-casters of Mideo Cruz then. The point is, people have been making fun of me ever since I helped them get drunk on that wedding in Cana. But whatever gave them the idea that I would take offense? I didn’t take offense then, and neither will I take offense now. If these people really understood me, they would understand that. They should read and internalize this nifty little story about Offending God.

Me: Umm, that’s my blog.

Jesus: So?

Me: Some people might think it’s shameless self-promotion.

Jesus: It would be if you were promoting it. But it’s me promoting it, not you.

Me: But not everyone’s going to see it that way.

Jesus: Oh don’t mind them. They can go to hell. Anyway, have you seen these? These are hilarious.

Me: Okay, I think we better stop now.

Jesus: But there are lots more on Google Images. Dang, I should have created Larry Page and Sergey Brin two thousand years ago.

Me: This is getting weird now. Bye Jesus, gotta go.

Jesus: Okay, but don’t be a stranger. And remember, I’m watching you.

Photo by Michael Caven

I grew up in a Christian environment where doubt was hardly encouraged. Faith was a virtue. Doubt was not. The foremost illustration of this is the biblical story of Jesus’ disciple Thomas who claimed not to believe in his resurrection unless he saw his risen body and touched his wounds. When Jesus did appear to him and erase his doubts, Jesus said, “Blessed are you because you see and believe, but more blessed are those who do not see and yet believe.” And from those words sprung up an entire culture of faith, of not seeing yet fervently believing.

The first thirty something years of my life were spent aiming for this kind of faith. The urge to doubt would always be attributed to my human weakness or even to the wiles of the devil. But the deeper I went inside Christianity, the more discordant I would feel. Yes, there was always the heat of the moment in worship, and there were days when I felt that I was indeed in god’s loving arms. But these we’re also peppered by moments of doubt. I would always wonder if answered prayers weren’t just coincidences; if the faith I felt wasn’t just leveled up wishful thinking; or if the feelings I had for god’s presence weren’t just that — feelings.

Then a thought came to me: if I believe that god created me, then he must also be responsible for creating this machinery in me that makes me doubt and think and reason. And since this is so, why should I not then trust this thinking and reasoning of mine? What if all I ever believed in was just other people’s beliefs imposed upon society for generations? What if my doubts were the way to truth even if a lot of people (at least in my circles) didn’t seem to share them? Didn’t Jesus say that the gate was narrow and only a few people ever find it?

Ultimately, I was confronted with this question — would I be willing to let go of all I ever believed in my search for truth — yes, even Christianity, the bible and the concept of god that Christianity has imposed upon me? And for me, this was harder than it sounded. It was like being in the middle of the ocean hanging on to a piece of wood, without any land in sight, and deciding whether or not to let it go so I could swim faster to where I wanted to be. I also realized the irony of it — that it takes so much more faith to doubt than to believe. So I took a leap of faith and began my journey of doubt.

In that journey, I went to church less and less because church for me had just been a meaningless habit and the sermons were just rehashed ideas that I heard over and over throughout the years. Even the idea that “we go to church not to receive from god but to give him our worship” seemed stale because if god were everywhere, then I could most certainly worship him anywhere, even in the toilet. Conversely, I could be in church every Sunday with my mind wandering elsewhere and it wouldn’t amount to an iota of worship. So I decided to give up this false pretension and would not go to church unless I really wanted to, but not for reasons of appearances or habit or to “be a good influence” to my kids. (Yes, I got flak for this when my eldest daughter decided she didn’t want to go to sunday school also, but that’s another story).

I began to read books and listen to other teachings that were outside the norm of Christian propriety, and my horizons were widened and I realized that there were also a lot of people like me — much more than I thought there would be — and in the midst of my doubts, it was a reassuring thought. At this point, I also started my own blog (zenbananas.com) where I compiled different stories that I found helpful, as well as my own reflections of my spiritual journey.

Of course, I could not avoid the whispers going on behind me — Christian friends, relatives and acquaintances talking about me, reading my blogs and saying that I was going astray — but I got most of this information third-hand. These people I heard about never approached me and asked me head-on what was going on with me — except for a couple of them — and I appreciated their willingness to listen and their acceptance (of me, not my way of thinking). Although hearing the words, “I’ll just pray for you,” is grating to my ears. I know they mean well but it just sounds so condescending — like “I know something you don’t. I’m someplace better than you, so I’ll just pray for you until you realize that.” I know they don’t mean it that way, but still, it does sound that way.

In the tail end of this journey (which means just about over a year ago), I discovered freethinking and a group called Filipino Freethinkers through a close friend of mine. And when I read about it, realized that this was me (I just didn’t know what it was called). Though this group has been closely linked to atheism, it actually isn’t and its members are a mixed bag of different believers and unbelievers. The basic creed of a freethinker is that you may have your own set of personal beliefs but you don’t go around imposing them on others as if it were THE truth. “To a freethinker, no idea is sacred; all truth claims are subject to skepticism, rational inquiry, and empirical testing.”

A freethinker embraces doubt as a way of life, for it is through doubt that one gets to really dig in and think about what one believes in — not just to swallow everything the church, priest, imam or rabbi says. One of my favorite quotes comes from Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest, who says “to doubt is infinitely more important than to adore. To question is infinitely more important than to believe.”

Some time ago I took a step of faith into doubt, and have never regretted it since. I feel more spiritually and holistically in tune with myself, my thoughts and my emotions than I have ever been before. There is less fear and guilt, and more love and compassion for me and for everyone around me.

Such is the beauty of doubt.