Buy me a new car Mr. President

His Excellency Benigno Simeon C. Aquino III
President
Republic of the Philippines

Dear President Aquino,

I want you to give me a new car for my birthday. Preferably a 4 x 4 SUV bought from government monies meant for health assistance to the poor.

May I remind you that Bishop Juan de Dios Pueblos was given government money by former Pres. Arroyo so that he could buy himself a Montero for his birthday. As the Bishop’s request letter managed to get him the said bonanza, I will cite the same justifications for my request. But my justifications, while similar, will be better.

I celebrated my last birthday like the good Bishop. I carefully discerned not to throw a party and “spent the day with and for myself”. But unlike the Bishop who spent the day also “with God” I spent some of the day with President Emerlinda Roman who was given a testimonial on her last day as UP President. I was running for UP Diliman Chancellor at that time, so I thought it best to be seen at said event. I therefore missed watching the Askals game with my family. I did not take my one-day birthday leave. With all due respect to former UP President Roman, surely the Bishop had a more pleasant day than I did. I deserve a luxury vehicle more, for having renounced more pleasures on my birthday than he did. I was a model of Christian asceticism and saintly sacrifice!

Unlike Bishop Pueblos who was chosen by the former President Arroyo as “Peace Champion of Caraga”, I was not chosen as UP Diliman Chancellor. However, I have been reappointed as the current Director of the UP Center for Women’s Studies. I also have a few awards to my name, but I am so filled with Christian humility that I won’t mention them.

The point is, like the good Bishop (and all those other Bishops who also bought nice SUVs or vans using government charity money), I DO GOOD WORKS! I do, I do. Swear and cross my heart. And in the words of said Bishop, “I know I could do more”.

Quoting Bishop Pueblos further, “It is in this view that I am asking a favor from your Excellency. At present, I really need a brand-new car, possibly a 4 x 4, which I can use to reach the far-flung areas… I hope you will never fail to give a brand new car which would serve as your birthday gift to me. For your information, I have with me a 7-year-old car which is not anymore in good running condition. Therefore, this needs to be replaced very soon.”

Your Excellency, my official vehicle is an early 1990s Toyota Fx and I am terribly ashamed of it at this point. It is older than 7 years old. When it was 7 years old I envied the Director who was riding around in it. It really needs to be replaced because when I use it to transport relief goods, the poor and displaced tend to hand me money thinking I am poorer than them.

Your Excellency, us poor Professors from UP, the servants of the Filipino youth, cry out in our desperation for 4 wheel drive SUVs. Please don’t help the CBCP anymore. Help your own. It is high time government money be spent for the Colleges of UP rather than the College of Cardinals.

Sincerely yours,
Sylvia Estrada Claudio, MD, PhD
Professor of Women and Development Studies
Director, Center for Women’s Studies
University of the Philippines

PS Please make out the check to: UP Center for Women’s Studies c/o Sylvia Estrada Claudio, MD, PhD. I prefer that the check be made out in my name complete with all the post-nominal letters just like the one they made for Bishop Pueblos. Please note I have more letters after my name. This proves I am a worthy doer of good works. In any case, I promise I will tell the accountants about the check and the purchase. Trust me on this, I do good works.

P.P.S Don’t worry, if it blows up in our face, I will promise to return the vehicle, all the while acting as if I still had the high moral ground. After all, I do good works.

cc: Margarita P. Juico
Chairperson
PCSO

13 comments

  1. Is it true what I heard that all bishops are returning their expensive SUVs? Sa wakas, tinablan din ng hiya ang mga walanghiya! Is this yet another classic crime-does-pay case? tsk tsk

  2. To his Excellency Red Tani President of the FFF,

    Your Honor and Highness, as the traffic situation in my place gets more and more worse, and I heard that lately there are some overpriced helicopters standing around unused at the PNP, may I request your Grace in his unlimited goodness, to provide me a brand new helicopter to allow me bypassing traffic congestions when moving around.

    Of course the solely purpose for its usage is to serving the poor (in spirit) better …..

    In high expectation for the impending grant of my request
    Truthfully, sincerely and with highest regards
    Roland

  3. yeah, 'cause everyone knows its hard to go around doing *ahem* "charity work without the aid of a luxury vehicle. I hope Dra. Claudio gets her own pimped-up ride too so she can better do more good work pasakay ha?

    PS. I've often wondered why the church has to even get funds from the PSCO for even their basic operational expenses, aren't the billions and billions of donations that constantly pour in from every mass collection plate supposed to be for that very purpose? If they needed service cars that badly, why not liquidate a few billion pesos from their BPI or San Miguel stocks?

    I mean, people donate to the church because they think its supposed to go towards helping the poor. Instead, it's rotting away in some financial portfolio, never to be seen again.

    • Two things: our donations indeed help the poor – the poor bastards inside the parishes who have all the luxuries in life; and, the billions are not rotting away in some financial portfolio – it's earning more interest and dividends for the poor, pitiful bastards!

      • poor… as in poor in spirit, perhaps ? 😛
        nah, I think not… the parishes have whole wine cellars full of spirits, este "blood of christ" pala.
        so they can't possibly be poor in spirits when they drink the stuff everyday. their system must be swimming in 'spirits' already, pity instead their poor livers!

    • The investment portfolios of the Churches are not rotting away as some posters already mentioned. I don’t have figures for the RCC in the R of P, but during the banking crisis in 2008-2009 the leadership circle of the Church of England was scorning the greed of the investors and demanding stronger government control and limitations, after checking their own stock market investments (only shares = 19 Billion GB Pounds) they suddenly retracted and were silent as not to endanger their own investment profits.

      In Germany both main churches (RCC and Lutheran protestants) were holding 60 Billion Euros in stock market equities alone and were joining forces to influence corporate decision making more in “a Christian sense” (whatever that means). Plus even higher investments in the bond market and bank deposits, plus the immense real estate prime property holding the wealth of both churches (with the RCC holding the bigger part) is estimated to be at least 800 billion Euros (= 49 trillion, 600 billion Pesos).

      • so religious institutions are pooling their billions of income in donation money to serve as leverage so they can directly influence banking and economic policies in their favor. big enough funds like these can literally control the market just by threatening to pull out if financial institutions who don't play on their terms. I'd imagine any bank account manager would give in immediately to any demand if your biggest depositor threatened to pull out $billions$ in deposits.

        no wonder they are hesitant to use any of their own money for operational expenses, they're building up their war-chest. I used to wonder why even churches of rich parishes need to conduct special donation drives for church maintenance when their diocese could fund such repairs costs easily… they cant touch their own money because they need build up obscene amounts of money as leverage for economic blackmailing. Quite devious, actually. This, coupled with the incessant political threats of block-voting, makes the church quite the power-broker.

        • To be more specific : The challenge to use the 60 billion Euro stock holdings of both German main churches to wield more influence was made as reaction to the economic (banking) crisis. Of course sitting on 800 billion Euro assets collected during centuries of milking the state and the flock is nothing greedy if made for religious good compared to when made from private citizens for pensions and life savings.

          Often tax residents still pay German church tax and tithe under the wrong assumption it is used to support the poor in 3rd world countries, local charity and to maintain historical church buildings. However the fraction spend for those expenses are a mere 2-4%. But of course both Churches in Germany are loudly lamenting the reduced church tax income because of dwindling ( paying ) membership and demanding further state (tax payer) support.

          And the Vatican with his own banks seems to be estimated to sit on 300 billion assets.

    • To the CBCP and its bishop-members:

      Before you open your mouths and complain about misuse of government resources, perhaps you should consider paying even a small amount of taxes on your billions of Pesos worth of revenues, investments and real estate holdings. Only then will you have the right, as a taxpayer, to complain about how the government runs its business…

  4. But, unlike bishop pueblos, you don't go out to the far-flung areas to do charity work (sic), thus necessitating a high-end, top-of-the-line SUV and not a Ford Fiera or similar ATVs. I thus suggest that instead of an SUV, you request for a BMW or Benz which better suits your academic position.:)

  5. At least the author's letter-request was grammatically correct, unlike the bishop's (i.e., "I hope you will never fail…").hehehe

    • I really thought that bishop's letter was a journalist's sarcastic response to the issue (when they were reading it on air). Or an April Fool's prank. Yikes.

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