Why I’m Happy to be on Anti-Depressants

I saw my psychiatrist the other day. I hadn’t seen him in 10 months. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I hadn’t felt the need to see him all throughout that period. For the first time in a long, long time, I felt that my head was screwed on right, and there wasn’t much to report to him except that my life was just fine. Pretty good, even. In fact, that was exactly why I came to see him the other day — in the hopes of tapering myself off of the anti-depressants he prescribed for me, because I was pretty sure they had done their job.

Getting medicated for mental conditions remains a touchy topic in our touchy tropical nation, but there really shouldn’t be a stigma surrounding it. The human body is a staggeringly complex system, and getting wounds, tumors or other more physical glitches is not the only thing that can go wrong with it. Biochemical imbalances can affect the way a person processes the world around him, sometimes to the point of it being debilitating. It’s an illness like any other.

Nega and Chaka

Prior to medication, each day filled me with worry, dread, anger, and sorrow. There were flashes of okay-ness and even rarer blips of actual joy, but for the most part I was preoccupied with negative emotions. (And no, I did not affix Emily the Strange or Jack Skellington all over my trappings and listen to Dashboard bleary-eyed. That’s not depression; that’s just sad.) On the outside, I looked decidedly normal, even functional, and maybe just a bit too quiet, but little did others know that each move I made — choosing what to wear, walking down a sidewalk, buying a snack, talking to someone — required intense personal deliberation, as if one wrong move could ruin the day. And the moments following each act were flooded with all sorts of self-criticism, second guessing, and bad memories only loosely related to the current situation.

Did I say the right thing? Are my shoes too casual? Will this burn enough calories? Did I spend too much? Was this the right color? Should I have smiled? Could I have done it better? Are they sick of me? Did I forget anything? How hard will it be to commute later? Do I have to go to that employee thing? Do they hate me? Why is my hair like this? Why do I work here? Do I deserve him? Why is my family this way? Why can’t I say how I feel? Remember when your uncle told you you brought grief to the family? Remember when you did this and she said this so he did this and now they hate you? Remember when you were a better person and things were looking up? What happened to you? Why are you like this? Can you see yourself like this for the rest of your life?

I had to slog through each day this way. Suffice it to say that it took a toll on my work and my relationships. I found it hard to be with people, much less befriend them; every new assignment at work felt like a huge bag of sand against my gut; I picked ridiculous fights with my boyfriend which led not only to me screeching and bawling ’til dawn, but me clawing at my face and arms ’til they bled and even running away in hysterics. This was normal for me at the time.

Psyching Myself Up

Fortunately, my boyfriend is both incredibly supportive and fiercely logical, and he eventually convinced me that seeing a psychiatrist would do me some good. He was well aware of my none too rosy family history, my anorexia, my frequent run-ins with thieves and other unsavory types, my instantaneous apprehension towards authority figures, etcetera etcetera etcetera, and how all of these were connected one way or another to my difficult personality. Something was not right me. He wasn’t holding it against me. It was just a blatant fact that needed to be addressed.

So I went to a psychiatrist and told him as much as I could about how I thought and felt. (A psychiatrist, by the by, is different from a counselor or psychotherapist, the proverbial shrink who listens to you talk about your childhood and whatnot. Psychiatrists simply diagnose your condition, prescribe medication, and monitor your treatment.) This was the beginning of a slightly tedious process, stretched over several months, of ascertaining what I should do. It was fairly easy for my psychiatrist to conclude that I had major depressive disorder with a touch of social anxiety; what was harder was finding the right pill and dosage for what I had.

I started off with half a pill of escitalopram daily. Escitalopram is an SSRI, or Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor, the most common form of anti-depressant prescribed today. Serotonin is a chemical neurotransmitter whose presence is linked to feelings of peace and well-being, and what SSRIs do is keep this serotonin from being reabsorbed, letting it stay in the brain longer to better boost one’s mood. This is obviously the layman’s explanation, but that is basically what SSRIs do, because depressed people can’t seem to get the right balance of serotonin in their brain.

Alive, Alert, Awake, Enthusiastic

At the beginning, half a pill packed a punch. I could sense the difference in me immediately: I felt awake and alert — my eyes literally opened wider (they’d apparently been extra droopy and I never noticed), and my movements felt sharper, more precise. More importantly, my thoughts were no longer flooded by unnecessary negativity. When before my thoughts would immediately link themselves to something bad or worrisome, they now stood on their own, guilt- or problem-free. The medication worked so well that I even tried playing tricks with myself, thinking bad thoughts deliberately, only to feel them slip off of my consciousness like pats of butter. I know you think I sound high or something,  but that’s how it felt. I felt fine because things really were fine. If I had a legitimate problem in my midst, such as difficulty getting a ride home in the pouring rain, or my big boss sending my work back with endless edits, I didn’t blow it out of proportion and conclude it was the end of the world and I might as well jump out a window or into speeding traffic. I understood what was wrong and did what I had to do to address it, like a normal person.

And the best thing about the pill working? It was a signal that something really was wrong with me. I was told that SSRIs only worked if something was wrong to begin with (it’s not the kind of pill you can abuse), so the fact that there was a staggering difference in me the moment I popped just half of one in meant I was doing something right.

Sex Bomb

But of course, like any other kind of medication, there was the risk of side effects. This was one of the main reasons why getting medicated is a trial-and-error process; every individual reacts to each pill in their own unique way, so you really have to whittle all the options down to the one most suited to your body’s chemistry and to your lifestyle. And unfortunately, I hit a particularly annoying snag with escitalopram: my sex drive sputtered out. I felt literally numb down there, and while my boyfriend was very understanding about it, it still really frustrated me. Sex is a normal thing people do and to be denied it felt frustrating and, in the end, depressing.

Thus, my psychiatrist prescribed citalopram, escitalopram’s older, less sophisticated version (a.k.a. fewer side effects), and upped my dosage to a whole pill a day to make up for this pill’s lack of fine-tuning. And it did solve my little quibble. I had to take a larger dose, and citalopram was slightly more expensive than escitalopram, but the fact that it could fight my depression and save me from sexual drought was worth it. My psychiatrist then advised me to take it for an entire year (six months for the actual treatment of my serotonin levels, and then another six months to really bolster the treatment and make sure the effects stay put), and to check in with him every now and then, especially if something was up.

On the Mend

But I didn’t check in with him for the next 10 months. (I would not recommend forgoing the psychiatrist to anyone; I was just being hardheaded and I am not a good example.) It was just that, as I’ve mentioned, I was lucky enough to have everything good since we nailed down the pill and dosage right for me. Long story short, it got to the point where I couldn’t tell the difference between feeling normal and feeling medicated. In fact, here’s a list of personal improvements I’ve achieved, off the top of my head:

  • I can hold a conversation and not loathe myself afterwards.
  • I am more capable of telling people what I want instead of being meek and doormatty.
  • I don’t throw a fit when my boyfriend isn’t home by 6:30 PM.
  • I eat what I want and only when I’m hungry, and don’t spend hours staring at my love handles in an awful mixture of sorrow and horror.
  • I can forge and maintain friendships with people I sincerely like.
  • I am more active about the things I believe in.
  • I am more willing to try new things, no matter how far they are from my comfort zone.
  • I care far less about what others think of me, my writing, my anything.
  • I don’t beat myself up over the way I write.
  • I no longer feel the need to pander to people I don’t like, and ultimately don’t crave for others’ approval anymore.
  • When I feel upset, it doesn’t stretch on and escalate over the next 12 hours.
  • I don’t care about my past, and neither do I worry too much about the future. I’m just fine where I am and I figure myself out from day to day.

I am still the same person I was before, in the sense that I still believe in the same principles, strive for the same goals, enjoy the same things, and swear like the same old sailor. The only significant change is that I’m actually happy to be this person, that I don’t unwittingly pile a whole lot of metaphysical shit on to bring myself down for no reason. I don’t feel different. I feel better. What moron doesn’t want to feel better?

Get Happy

So there. Thanks to my most recent conversation with my psychiatrist, which could possibly be my last, at least for a long while, I am now on a program to taper off my medication. Next month, I will take half a pill each day for the first two weeks, and then take half a pill every other day for the last two weeks. I will then stop taking medication after that, and will monitor how I feel over the next two months. If I feel just fine, that means I’m in remission. If not, that means I’ll have to go back to medication on a higher dosage for another length of time. But I’m pretty confident I’ll be in remission, because everything’s gone pretty well thus far. Unlike before, I now hope for the best.

I’d like to stress again, of course, that medication affects people in different ways, and that my case just happened to be fairly clean-cut. Others have a more difficult time with their treatment, so I cannot really speak for people on meds in general. What I do want to relay, however, is that getting medicated shouldn’t be frowned upon and, in fact, is a perfectly normal option for people with conditions similar to mine. Depression, bi-polar disorder and their ilk are more common than people think, and their methods of treatment are also more mundane than many would like to believe. Medication can be a difficult process, sure, but that doesn’t make it strange or wrong. In fact, I’m happy to be on medication. Wasn’t that why I signed up in the first place?

31 comments

  1. Can I buy over the counter antidepressants? I have been suffering a lot, suicidal and negative thoughts, I am a christian and yes I do believe in God yes I do believe He can help me but sometimes may mga tao kang maeencounter na magsasabing, “magpray ka lang lagi.” Or sometimes “nagchuchurch ka naman ah.” It’s really really hard. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko.

  2. Hi Marguerite! Paano ka nakahanap ng doctor? Kailangan bang may contact sa hospital or sa doctor mismo? And sobrang magastos ba per session? Halos mag1year na kasi akong ganito, and napapansin na rin ng friends ko na nagiging toxic na ako and there are times na nagseself-harm ako just to calm myself down, there’s so much more na pati ako nagaalala na para sa sarili ko. I’m desperate pero hindi ko alam kung saan ba ako magsisimula. Can someone please give some advice kung paano ko ba sisimulan to, thank you

  3. Akala ko nagiisa lang ako na ganto, im suffering from anxiety panic attacks, as inkada labas ko ng bahay ay struggle, lage ko iniisip na baka atakihin ako ang panic attacks ko kaya bihira ako.lumabas ng bahay, na mas lalong nakakapagisip ako ng kung ano ano, hinde ko na alam gagawin ko, una inadvise ako magtake ng escivex, eh phase out na daw yun 25 pesos each ang bili ko sa doctor ko kasi wala daw nin sa ibang botika, pero diko pa natry sa ibang botika, ngayon naman morcet, diko alam kung tatalab sya l, itatry ko nalang muna, takot din ako magtrabaho kasi ganto nga pakiramdam ko, lageng takot, hasisst, sana may magsabe saken.dito na napagdaanan.din.nila ito at okay lang ito makakaya at gagaling din…

  4. For those people suffering mental problem, I.e. depression, anxiety etc.,please do not take mirtazapine (remeron, mirazep). Masisira ang buhay nyo.it is a very potent drug but the problem is you CAN NOT stop taking it.pls. Google mirtazapine/remeron withdrawal. I have taking that evil drug since 2002.I have numerous attempt to withdrew it but like so many others I failed

  5. Nasa trial and error ako ng paghahanap ng tamang brand ng antidepressant para sa akin. Escivex ang tini-take ko dati pero nitong umpisa ng January biglang nawala sa mga botika. Pati sa mga Mercury Drug na pinagbibilhan ko dati sa Session Road (Baguio) biglang nag-out of stock lahat. P19.00 ang bawat isa nun pero meron din yung Morcet ang pangalan kaso nung lumipat ako dun parang walang epekto sa akin.

    Kung kayo yung tipong parang di tinatalaban ng antidepressant, trial and error talaga ang paghahanap ng tamang brand dahil wala talagang specific na brand o timpla ng escitalopram ang nababagay para sa lahat ng tao. Try and try hanggang mahanap niyo yung nababagay para sa inyo.

    Sa ngayon parang bumalik yung symptoms ng depression sa akin pagkatapos kong lumipat ng walang choice sa Morcet though nama-manage ko pa naman at name-maintain ko pa rin ang quality ko sa trabaho sa call center. Wahehehehehehehehehe. Pero kung meron ulit sana yung Escivex mas maganda sana ang buhay. Hehehehehehehehehehe.

    Nakawalong botika na ako noong naubusan ako nun bago ako lumipat pero wala talaga. Pumunta na rin ako sa amin sa Pangasinan pero wala pa rin talaga.

    Hindi naman addictive ang antidepressants. May certain period of time lang talaga na dapat sundin para maitama ang imbalance ang sa mga utak ng depressed.

    P20.00 lang pala yung Morcet.

    Secret advice (wag ise-share sa iba): pwede kayong makabili ng walang reseta sa Generika Drugstore ng kahit anong antidepressant di gaya sa Mercury Drug, St. Joseph o iba pang botika. Pero siguraduhin niyo munang nagpakonsulta na kayo sa psychiatrist para malamang depressed talaga kayo.

    Bukod sa antidepressant, may pinrescribe din ang doktor sa akin na Clonazepam ang generic name. Pangbalanse daw sa antidepressant dahil kung yun lang ang ite-take mo may tendency na mahihilo ka, parang maduduwal o masusuka buong araw. P11.75 ang isa nun at 1/4 tablet ang dosage bawat araw kasama ng 10mg ng Escitalopram Oxalate.

    Basta ang maipapayo ko lang, kung nakakaramdam ng kayo ng mga nabanggit na sintomas, magpatingin na kayo. Sobrang laking tulong ng blog na to para sa ating lahat na depressed para malaman kung paano ba natin malulunasan tong nakakabwisit na sakit na to.

    Basta kung nasaan man kayo ngayon, hang on. With the modern science, magiging maganda ang buhay natin. Magtiwala lang tayo sa mga tunay na makakatulong sa atin. Alam niyo na ang tinutukoy ko. Nasa Freethinker website tayo. Wahehehehehehehehe.

    xD

  6. You don’t want another Robin Williams or Michael Jackson case.

    I’d opt for the natural way to improve the mood. And hoping others would too 🙂

    • You know, not all people heal the same way. Some heal with both meds and therapy, some with only one, while some heal without them. It’s one hell of a trial-and-error process for the person whose decision, I hope, you’d respect and not impose.

  7. Thanks for sharing this. I am really considering seeking professional help but at php1200/30 mins, I’m thinking twice although I know it is the best.

  8. Hi, Marguerite. I want to thank you for this article. Prior to reading your article, I was seriously considering of seeing a psychiatrist. And when I stumbled upon this piece, I became convinced. Yesterday, I finally saw a psychiatrist and she gave me the same medication you took at first. I took it last night for the first time and I definitely notice a difference. Thank you for coming out with this article because it really encouraged me to see a shrink because of your reports of better well-being. I was very hesitant at first thinking that I might become a slave to medication. But after reading this, I became more hopeful about my situation (clinical depression, according to my doctor). Thank you again and God bless.

  9. I have the same symptoms, when I read the “questions” and kanegahan and kachakahan part, its spot on. I’ve been thinking of seeking professional help, but I just don’t know where and how. Hope you could help me on the search. I’ve tried thinking more positively, it works for a moment, but it always feel like a battle.

  10. Hello, I was wondering how long it took for your psychiatrist to have a diagnosis. (We pretty mucg have similar symptoms.) It takes a whole lot of courage to make that first appointment. And I really want to know how much talking (sessions) I have to endure before they get to give this monster in my head a name. I know it’s different for everyone, but at least I get an estimate. Planning to set an appointment tomorrow and I’m really freaking out.

    • Hi michelle! It took about 3 months to really determine what i had and what was best for me to take. It’s great that you’re making an effort and i assure you that it is most certainly worth the effort 🙂

  11. Why can depression anxiety etc..also be cured by psychotherapy if its a physical disease like diabetes and hypertension as they say. i never heard of hypertension or diabetes being cured by psychotherapy but why can serotonin imbalance be cured by it..

  12. felt the same depression anxiety dellusional with prrsonality disorder…went to 5 doctors 3 prescribed serotonin uptakes..decided on going the more dufficult route of psychotherapy…i dont want to depend on some pill for my happiness sounds no dufferent from a narcotic..anyways im glad you feel ok i hope you still feel ok without meds..good luck

  13. Hi! May I ask how much a session with a psychiatrist would cost? And how much for antidepressants?

    I’ve been feeling extra down lately, and I think I should really get professional help.

  14. Thank you for writing a post like this. I somehow find it so enlightening and inspiring though I have a different situation. You have good points.

  15. This is really awkward right now, reading this.
    You don't know how much I can relate to your story. Everyday, everyone I meet, everything I do, just as you said, it's as if all these random negative thoughts pop out of nowhere.
    I get too conscious, too insecure, every move makes me feel anxious.
    I don't really take any medications. I'm only 18years old. But when I was in highschool, I have always felt outcast. I had friends, but I always hear things about me, like, I'm weird or something. They say that they feel distant about me. whenever I would come to school, I would always choose the farthest seat. as far as possible from everyone else. I dealt with that all throughout highschool.
    well, even when I was in elementary, I remember the same thing happened.
    and even now, I'm still dealing with it. It's really stressful but I seem to be very calm and like you, I'm quiet most times. I don't go out much. I don't have friends that come over really often. And I seem to be very possessive over my girlfriend. I mean, sometimes, I even think it's too much. It's that feeling that I'm scared to be alone. and yet.. I don't socialize much. altho I try to on rare occasions. I get to socialize whenever I go out with my band and perform at gigs. those are the only times I meet a lot of new people. and those negative thoughts still run thru my mind.
    is there anyway to deal with this aside from actual medications?
    and I know, it's not just sad. it's more like.. "questioning"..? I don't know how else to put it other than how you put it into words really well.
    also, when things really get worse. sudden thoughts of suicide would come over me.
    But I don't really follow the urge or attempt to. I would just stare at random objects and imagine the events of killing myself with it. Or stare at a bridge and imagine jumping. the way I deal with those suicidal thoughts, is to distract myself. But when even that doesn't help anymore, I resort to cutting myself. not to kill myself. but to inflict pain and then I would focus on that physical pain.. just for the thoughts to go away. then I'd take a shower or fall to sleep. I don't know what else to do or who to talk to. I only relate this to people who opens up issues like this like you. getting that feeling or thinking maybe, that we're somehow going through or suffering from the same thing. :/

    and some of the people I asked about this ask me if I drink.
    and yes, I do drink. quite alot really. but not everyday.. maybe once or twice a week, sometimes thrice, depending on the occasion..

    does that affect my behavior by any chance? or is this just normal? coz it bothers me.
    and I've been like this even before I started drinking..

    • My unsolicited comments/advice if you don't mind:

      My first advice is for you to seek professional help, so he/she can make you open up and reveal the possible root causes of your depression, if you can afford it of course. Knowing what causes you to go into these depressive swings will help you address them, or at the very least, avoid them.

      If you can't afford professional help, how about talking to somebody mature outside your family circle (to eliminate biases)? The more objective the person is (this eliminates friends of the same age group), the better the results will be.

      Sometimes, self-analysis works, but more often than not, it doesn't. Thus, the need for somebody mature, broad-minded and objective. At the very least, it may give you insights as to why to tend to think and act the way you do and, most importantly, make you stop having these suicidal thoughts (and self-cutting) before they become worse.

      As I don't know you, I have no vested interest here or any ulterior motive, other than to offer my unbiased advice. You may take it as you wish…

      • Thanks. I feel uncomfortable now that everyone's reading this. lol
        This is exactly the kind of attention I was trying to avoid everyday in real life.
        But thanks so much for all the suggestions. That gave me much even thought.
        And I never really paid any attention to my condition so much. Always trying to ignore it and trying to live life normally. But anywho,
        Thank you.

        Also, Thanks to marguerite!
        For this post and for her reply. 😉
        This whole week, I didn't go outside of my house.
        I'm used to locking myself in the room. They're teasing me that I'm a vampire.. lol

        • If you ask me, that's not a good idea (locking yourself up in the house). You can always go to places that bring back happy thoughts/memories and avoid those places that may trigger your depression bouts. By the way, I forgot to add yesterday that cases like these are usually more apparent in teens your age. A small suggestion: have an mp3 player handy always and the moment you start feeling anything negative, plug in those earphones with your favorite music to calm you down. Lastly, the first step in addressing a 'problem' is admitting that there indeed is something wrong. Not only have you done that, but more importantly, you're taking your own steps in resolving it, even if the measures you undertook are more palliative than permanent. So, cheep up Chi_28, you will be alright…

        • No prob. 🙂

          Get out of the house once in a while. I know why skulking around indoors is an attractive option, but just going out there and doing mundane things like buying snacks at the grocery or taking a short walk can make you feel a bit better. Make the most of what you have. 🙂

        • Friend, when life is good ride it like a pony on a rainbow. When life is tough (it usually is) then be fucking tough. The thing about human beings is we can adapt IF we let ourselves. The threshold for all the shit, we can just brush it off in the future.

          Ah. I've been through your situation so i understand. I went on a recluse for a year! I sunk so low and suicidal thoughts were prevalent. What's worse than death is a life not lived and boy was i not living. Stuck in an existential crisis but i'm fortunate enough to be an optimist.

          Think about this. There are fucking shit moments in life but once you go through them it's just a memory. A thing of the past! You don't have to dwell on it anymore.

          If you feel isolated, it's just that you haven't met the right people for you. That's just how it is. If you don't think the same way as the other people around you then that's just how it is. It's reality. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Are you willing to change and be like "them" or learn to accept who you are and be at peace with it. The latter is more difficult but rewarding friend. That's the path i took and i feel so free. Everything is light inside after i accepted who i am. The good thing about is that when you finally learn who you are then the outside world is just a playground. Life isn't that serious anymore. It's freedom man. Believe me, it feels so fucking good.

          What doesn't kill you makes you stronger – Nietszche.
          It does that's why you have to strive to be tougher mentally and emotionally. I guarantee you that life will get easier if you move forward! I suggest you get rid of alcohol because it's bad shit. Hangovers man, not a pleasant experience. Deal with the shit now so you can move on tomorrow. Alcohol just delays the nastiness.

          What you can do is try and observe yourself in the third person. Observe how you feel and what you do afterwards. Basically learn more about yourself. The most important thing you must remember is that you got to be honest. I mean fucking sincere man, not half truths. That's the key.

          Well you are still young. You have a lot of shit to do in life and sometimes it's the little details that can make a person happy. Just appreciate the little things in life man. Petrichor, the blue sky. When was the last time you just stared at the clouds man?

          You'll be fine friend. Gut it out like a fucking mad dog. Just imagine yourself with big compact balls lol. It's where it counts 😉

          • wow. thanks to all of you.
            Thanks DanGemp aswell!
            yeah, all of the things you said sound really great and, well, positive. ;D
            Yeah, when I said I was going out with my band and playing music at various gigs, (well we don't get much gigs alot, anyway, so most times I'm stuck at home), what I meant by going out, we perform at an underground metal and hardcore music scene. We party and drink. we mosh to music. Actually I thought that was fun. And I really enjoy it.
            But now, the reason I stuck myself at home, coz it's more peaceful and relaxed.. ;P
            I wanna party yet I wanna relax. I'm such a contradicting person but that's how it is. xD
            and yeah.. I don't drink so much that I get wasted. atleast not anymore. I've had experiences where I got too wasted, and not only experienced a hangover, but actually lost my wallet. twice. so, yeah, not gonna be doing that again.

            well, THANKS to all of you.
            really. Maybe I'll start going out some more. If only I had friends to hang out with.
            I can't drag my band to do that, coz we only drink, party, and play together. lol
            so going out alone and strolling alone makes feel kinda depressing.

            And you know what?
            getting stuck at home isn't all too bad. coz I've developed lots of talents.
            like debating, writing, painting, drawing, playing music, editing videos and photos, and lots of stuff. even cooking whatever shit I could think of whenever I don't have anyone to cook for me. 😛

            so come to think of it, my life's not that bad.. it's just perspective and the way I see things. I just really can't avoid the thoughts sometimes. But I keep myself busy.;)

          • Now, that's the best thing you've said to date (so come to think of it, my life's not that bad…). With that positive attitude, you'll soon oversome that minor "distraction"…;)

          • One thing i've learned on my darkest moments is you can always make something out of shitfuckgoddamnson experiences. There's always something to look forward to you just got to enjoy what you get. Let's be real, this life isn't like the mainstream movies where you always have a happy ending(no pun intended). It's up to you to accept both the good and the bad and then learn to deal with them.

            Watch Groundhog Day.The Bill Murray film. You'll learn a lot from that one and you'll get a good laugh too.

            Ah the thoughts. The thoughts will always be there. Especially when at the moment you aren't doing to well. What you can do is recognize yourself being in that state and then let the bad shit go out of your system. It'll come easy if you do this often. It's just recently that i realized that it's doable and everything became bearable after that. It's all mental man 🙂 It's just sometimes we want to sink for whatever reason. Maybe so we can get mad or blame the life we have on others? The point is if you know that thinking about bad shit will only make you worse then it should be irrational for a person to do unless it's what he/she wants. It's all about ALLOWING yourself to be happy in life.

            I can not relate to a lone trip being depressing. I actually find it convenient because i can follow my whims lol. There's no other person to tell me what not to do and where not to go. I find it very liberating. I don't know maybe it's social pressure to be with people all the time but it's not really that bad 🙂

            I think i've been through a lot of shit in life and learned to handle it on my own so if you want to just talk about whatever, email me here bro: [email protected]
            Hopefully you won't need to because you've got over the hump you are in.

            You'll be fine 🙂

    • Hi. I agree with org59's suggestion. I think the first step is to find someone you can talk to face to face about your problems. A professional really would be best, but yes, a level-headed acquaintance should do as well.

      As for the drinking, it would be best to cut down on it, especially if you're feeling this way. Numbing yourself through alcohol isn't going to help, and may even exacerbate how bad you've been feeling. Respect yourself, stay clean, and seek help. It's a gradual process, but if you stick to it, you can get to a point where you can better control yourself. Medication may be able to help, so don't cross that option out right away. Just focus on what you need to do to get better.

  16. "The moral stigma that still surrounds disorders of mood and cognition seems largely the result of viewing the mind as distinct from the brain. When the pancreas fails to produce insulin, there is no shame in taking synthetic insulin to compensate for its lost function. Many people do not feel the same way about regulating mood with antidepressants (for reasons that appear quite distinct from any concern about potential side effects). If this bias has diminished in recent years, it has been because of an increased appreciation of the brain as a physical organ." — Sam Harris, The Moral Landscape

    Much of the aversion of general society towards antidepressants stems from the delusion that the immutable soul exists and that the self is not a product of physical and chemical events in the brain.

Leave a reply

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here