Categorized | Humor, Poetry, Religion

Fundie Paradise

Here is Weird Al’s Amish Paradise, a parody of Coolio’s Gangsta’s Paradise.  I changed some words and phrases to turn it into Fundie Paradise while loosely retaining the general flow of the song. I suggest you play the video and sing along with the new ‘lyrics’ I wrote below.

FUNDIE PARADISE
.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I shall fear no evil ‘cause I feel my Shepherd’s breath
And that’s just perfect for a Fundie like me
Because I have an abs’lute stand on morality
Early morning ev’ry Sunday I go to church
Sing with the minister as he comes down from his perch…fool
And I’ve been praising, arms raising so long that
Even Peter thinks that my mind is gone
I’m not a man of this world, I’m into…afterworld
Into hell all you heathens will one day be hurled
But if I finish all my prayers and you finish yours
Then we can get back to reading those Bible verses some more
.
We’ve been spending most our lives
Living in a Fundie paradise
I spoke in tongues once or twice
Living in a Fundie paradise
No human effort will suffice
Living in a Fundie paradise
Only His blood, sacrifice
Living in a Fundie paradise
.
An atheist challenged my belief last week
I just smiled at him and said, “Your future’s so bleak”
From nothing to nothing and this life’s everything?
“Thou shall have eternal life” – on this promise I cling
But I never bashed an atheist even if he deserved it
A Fundie’s never rude – though he may get sarcastic
I never use reason ‘cause it’s all there in the Bible
We must take to tradition – no matter how tribal, fool
There is a beautiful promise to which I adhere
A promise yet to be fulfilled after two thousand years
But we ain’t realy dumb so please don’t be despaired
We’re just a little logic’lly impaired
.
There’s no proof, no solid evidence
But Faith is all I need
I will never trust in reason
Because reason can mislead
.
We’ve been spending most our lives
Living in a Fundie paradise
We’ll have mansions in the sky
Living in a Fundie paradise
On this future we rely
Living in a Fundie paradise
In a life of great supply
Living in a Fundie paradise
.
Saying all my prayers, reading all those verses
Asking for forgiveness for those blasphemous curses
Think you have the answers? Think you know the truth?
Well for abiogenesis will you please show me some proof!
I’m the Fundie guy those poor lost souls wanna be like
Lest upon them divine wrath like lightning will strike
So don’t deny, and don’t rebel
Or else you will be spending all eternity in hell
.
We’ve been spending most our lives
Living in a Fundie paradise
Someone else died, paid the price
Living in a Fundie paradise
Saving us from our demise
Living in a Fundie paradise
Because the Bible never lies
Living in a Fundie paradise
.
.
 
DISCLAIMER: The opinions in this post do not necessarily represent the position of the Filipino Freethinkers.

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