I am already in my mid-twenties and still searching for meaningful things to do. I can still recall the things that you have told me during my childhood.
Do you remember when you gave me some advice on having courage? I got involved in a fight with a classmate of mine when I was in grade school. It was when you have arrived from a team adventure in Utah. You told me that courage is not just about using physical strength in resolving conflicts, nor is it about ostentatious displays of power. Rather, it is about resolving conflicts with the least amount (or without the use) of force. Courage is also about facing your fears and overcoming them. You even used your team’s adventure in Utah as an example. You guys have traversed the rough terrain and even faced the rapids.
Now in my mid-twenties, I am facing my fears of not being understood by a few people who still hold on to Iron Age ideas that are no longer in tune with my thought processes and practical spirituality.
When I was a small boy, I wanted to have what other kids had (e.g. toys, ice cream, etc.) and even asked you to buy me this and that. Well, you gave me some of them but you also told me that I should not just wish for things to be given to me. When I grow up, I have to work to get what I want in life.
Dad, I still believe in that advice, and I can now mention my netbook as an example. I did not ask Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or The Old Man Upstairs to give me a netbook. I worked hard for months, saved just enough money and bought it at a discount from a supplier.
Another important thing that you have shown me was honesty. Though you did not give me a lecture about the matter, you have shown it to me through your career as a military serviceman. In a world filled with so much deceit, I have found hope that there are still a lot of people who hold on to their principles and do a great job without getting involved in something unethical or immoral. Though you are not well-known or influential, I am still proud for having a father who is honest.
Right now I am having an issue with honesty and deceit. Oftentimes, I have to lie to myself just to please somebody or to avoid being scolded for not conforming to some religious dogma. I kept on asking myself, “How can I be honest to God when I can’t be honest to myself?”
Dad, I am soulsearching as I write this letter. I am still building my identity and I need to excise some of the not-so-useful ideas crammed into my head by those who want me to become “one of the herd”.
Thanks for the guidance.